I’ve been trying for a while to post something on here & written about 50 blog posts which I didn’t publish due to a desire for invisibility. I toggle between urges to be visible & invisible based on which seems the safest.
On the one hand, people knowing you exist makes you safe. It increases the odds that someone would notice if you went missing. Perhaps in extreme cases, someone would come to your aid. On the other hand, the more people know you exist the more enemies you have. And the more information they have about you, the more nooks & crannies for landing their little arrows. The wider you stretch out your personality, the larger the target becomes.
Still though, I consider it part of my destiny to try and trust in the soft mush of faceless unseen people & to believe that something good might emerge from that mush one day.
***
He points the gun at me
I say please don’t shoot
He says, ‘What makes you think I would do that to you?
After all that I’ve done that’s the way that you see me?
Then walk out that door cause you might as well leave me.’
Oh no…. my brain…..something cracking inside
Please I need to find darkness some place I can hide
Just climb under the bed, just lie there very still
I wish someone would find me but they never will.
Walking around it’s a daze in my mind now
The flowers are blooming, the sun is behind now
But inside it’s raining I can’t make it stop
And I bite on my tongue cause I need not to talk.
Oh no…. my head… something breaking inside
Now I need to find shelter some place I can hide
But behind every door there’s a man with a new gun
There’s no where to go if I had the strength to run.
Clouds in the sky I don’t think I can join you
So fluffy and free all the bullet pass through you
You’ve nothing to fear and you rain when you want to
I wish you saw me I need someone to talk to.
Oh no… my heart… something breaking inside
Can you hold it together until we can hide?
Just climb under the bed just lie there very still
I wish someone would find us but they never will.
