Tag: religion

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Astrology Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own Writings

A Blood Pact

I’ve decided that- as an experiment- I will make a few pacts with myself for the next couple years. These pacts have one shared purpose- to not abandon myself for a man.

  1. Unless I find someone who is absolutely devoted to me, I will not be committed to anyone. This means- barring a man who wants to marry me, take a bullet for me, give me all his money & live with me in the afterlife- I am not going to be anyone’s girlfriend.

    What is the point in being a girlfriend? It’s not a commitment. It just means you belong to someone until they dump you. If it is some kind of test run for marriage then okay. But otherwise, being someone’s temporary whore seems ridiculous. It gives you the feeling of having someone when really you don’t.
  2. This isn’t a pact but just a strong suggestion to myself to avoid having sex. Men call sex “fun” but that is gross to me. Maybe it would be “fun” to set your house on fire but you don’t do it because the consequences are severe.

    Sex is a magic spell that holds women in thrall. Christians talk about submission as a moral attainment. When really submission is a state that occurs naturally when you have sex with someone. Sex awakens powerful instincts of trust & devotion that may not be merited by this person. A man has to love you A LOT and be a very good person for this to be a wise course of action. The problem is… if he is trying to have sex with you that is exactly the sort of person he will appear to be.

    It’s the sex paradox… his true character will only come out AFTER you’ve had sex but by then you will be too attached to leave him anyway.
  3. This is the most important part. I am going to attempt to freely express myself. In my astrology chart, it is expressing myself- about things that are secret, magical, emotional or even (gasp!) sexual- with no regard for how others will take it- that moves me towards my destiny. I want to try moving towards my destiny for a couple years.

    The main thing that keeps me silent are men. I feel like their testicles are these little eggs and one wrong word from me will shatter them. Then I deserve what happens next. I feel so guilty when I fear I may have disrespected them that I begin to punish myself.

    But I gotta let myself off that hook for just two years- as an experiment- and say its okay if I’m disrespectful. It’s okay if I say something men don’t like. My zodiac chart indicates that I must avoid at all costs becoming an unctuous servant. I need to speak and sing and let the chips fall where they may.

    For two years I can try to see what happens if I place true expression above pleasing people. Thinking of this fills me with fear but that’s why I’ve begun collecting red stones.

    Perhaps no one can love you anyway if you aren’t being yourself. If someone loves you because you are down on your knees kissing them is that love or something else?

    But philosophical considerations aside, in real life, my abandonment panic controls me, overwhelming all reasonable considerations. I’m a love addict basically. I stop having needs cause men don’t like those. I stop talking cause the brains of men are easily taxed.

    And I enjoy being a clear blob to a large extent because it allows me to absorb the flavor of the other person. The problem is a point inevitably arrives when something VERY IMPORTANT must be expressed or asked for. A boundary must at last be set or things begin spinning in the wrong direction And then I find myself frozen. Unable to express it. And even when I do manage to, the person rarely honors it cause why would they? If they wanted someone with expectations they wouldn’t have chosen me to begin with. Being nothing is my selling point.

    That’s why for two years I am going to take a risk & follow the destiny outlined in my zodiac chart. To place the focus on expressing myself and let the chips with people fall where they may.

    It is extra challenging because I feel so insecure in terms of survival. I might be homeless soon. I spend about 4 hours a day crying. I apply to jobs every day but my resume is just a blank sheet of paper. This seems like the time to suck dick if ever there was one.

    But the idea in astrology is that under stress people tend to run in the wrong direction. So for me, the less sure I feel of survival, the more I focus on being polite & servile. When really I should do the opposite- become bolder & more expressive because that is where my luck lies.

    As an experiment I want to try placing my faith in this idea for two years to see if it actually works!

    And by the way- if you got some money- I can tell you where your destiny lies too! Contact me at [email protected]!

Playing a gig with Slippers at a bookstore. Look how happy she is! Sometimes I feel like an absolute loser because I have not yet increased my income nearly enough & am facing utter ruin. On the other hand, a couple years ago I would have been terrified to walk into a bookstore. Now I carried all my equipment there on my back while walking Slippers, set up and played without even really feeling nervous. So at least I have grown a lot even tho its not yet reflected in my bank account.

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Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Plants and the Emerald Kingdom Politics Uncategorized Videos Writings

Paw Paw the Ringing Boy (Video) & Why I Hate Eastern Religions (Sorry!)

As I’ve said before, I never know what to say about songs. I don’t think they have literal meanings and yet it feels so haughty to say nothing at all. So, I will say I believe this song was inspired by my experiences with spirituality combined with the woozy feelings of spring.

My spiritual experiences have mostly involved the complete subjugation of myself to another person. This is why I got married the first time. First, I had to go on a private retreat with my spiritual guide to achieve enlightenment (I was a teenager at the time, so it seemed to make sense.) Then of course while driving me to the “retreat” (which turned out to be the basement of his parents’ house) he had to grab my crotch to subjugate my ego. Things degenerated from there until a few days later I had to marry him since I had now touched his naked body which was too pure to be touched out of wedlock.

I don’t think my experiences are unusual, but just what you should expect when dealing with a Spiritual Person. When you see Spiritual Things going on, rest assured there is something dark and perverted behind the curtain.

But why? I don’t know. Maybe because humans can’t be spiritual. It isn’t real. The spiritual world is something we connect to- just like we connect to dogs and plants- but not something we can embody.

If it wasn’t unpopular to do so, I would want to warn people away from all Buddhist & Hindu spin-off movements practiced in America. “Eastern Religions” as we call them. It is not the religions in their natural environment I object to. Even though my degree is in Tibetan Buddhism, I think it is hard, maybe impossible to understand the role religion is playing in another culture, so I don’t have an opinion on whether these religions are good or bad in faraway places. (Although I can say, the history of Tibetan Buddhism is basically a blood bath.) But I do object to the form I see these movements taking in America. I have been involved with a number of them, and while I understand how they excite people with the promise of new horizons, I have never seen them play out well for anyone in the long run. Even meditation (I used to practice Transcendental Meditation) is, in my opinion, better left alone.

My involvement in these realms did lead to many of what you might call spiritual, blissful and transcendent experiences. But I imagine a person could have many of these same experiences from doing drugs. Drugs would probably be preferable to the extent that the person would realize there was a recreational, escapist quality to these states of mind, rather than believing they were rising up to a higher spiritual plane.

One problem with all Spiritual things, from meditation to Christianity is that they tend to create a ricochet between two polarities- good and bad, bliss and suffering, etc. The more a person attempts to bind themselves to one side of this polarity, the stronger the other side grows. But since you are attempting to identify yourself only with the positive side, the negative side gets projected or suppressed until take on a life of its own. Like a poltergeist. One way this can play out is the “spiritual” person becomes a magnet to the dark people who now balance them out. That is how things played for me.

Anyway, here are a few more problems I have with Americanized Eastern Spirituality.

  1. The subjugation of the ego: We have an ego for a reason. It is our self-interested mind. If anyone wants to help you transcend your ego, run as fast as you can. You may as well get a lobotomy.
  2. The denigration of thought: These religions will subtly- or overtly- push the idea that thoughts are a negative thing to be transcended. An impurity of some sort. The guru will humbly giggle about how we all have thoughts- they are nothing to be ashamed of- and yet- let’s just try to gently push them to the side a little, shall we? Thoughts are clouds which block the sky of Pure Awareness. For a long time, I tried to restrict my thinking due to this pernicious influence. When at last I managed to release this notion and feel good about thinking to my heart’s content, my life filled up with color.
  3. Navel gazing: As a rule, I think people are better off striving for external goals than internal ones. Survival demands it. Families and communities rely on it. Navel gazing seems especially harmful to men. Males have a lot of energy that needs to radiate outwards. If they try to fold that energy within themselves, through meditation for example, they become pent-up and angry. You see this a lot in long term meditators. Poke their peace bubble and they explode. Women, on the other hand, are built to hold energy inside like a pool. But meditation is bad for them as well because it focuses on the mind and stillness, whereas women really need the freedom to feel and express their full range of emotions.
  4. Disconnection: Ultimately, a meditator’s life becomes all about themselves. They live in a little bubble and focus on controlling the weather within that bubble. Their goal is essentially their own personal happiness. And though they succeed at feeling high and connected to the universe, it is still a different feeling from the more thick and liquid connections we are meant to have with other humans. A deeper form of happiness arises, I think, when a person no longer cares about their own happiness, their own psychological state, but is focused on goals which transcend their subjective reality. Paradoxically, caring less about your own state of mind is probably the truest way to uplift it.
  5. Gurus and spiritual leaders: All I can say is do not touch these people with a 10 foot pole unless you want to get fucked hard. The strange thing is, you WILL have spiritual experiences around these people. I don’t know why that happens. Maybe it is self-hypnosis. Maybe they have absorbed so much blood and energy from their previous victims that it gives them a form of radiant power. But walk away. You don’t need these experiences. Regular life is more supernatural than any of these spiritual things. We are just so used to it that we forget. At the very least, hire a detective prior to any contact with a spiritual person. He will find bodies. Guaranteed.

Anyway this is just my opinion, and I know there are exceptions to everything. Someone out there was born to meditate, just like some of us were born to swim with sharks or bury ourselves alive. But when people push the idea that everyone should have a meditation practice, I want to hurl. Just get a second job delivering pizzas. Or learn to build houses. Our minds are already working the way they should. We don’t need to tamper with them.

To swing, to fight
A world at night
To shake, to weep
A world asleep.

They sleep, I see
No one touches me
They think I don’t know
The place where all the children go.

Paw Paw the ringing boy
When spring comes he will bring you so much joy.
Paw Paw the ringing boy
When summer comes then the world will fade away.

These things
A world of strings
But look, you’ll see
The world is me.

Alien, okay
I don’t care what they say
I am bought and sold
Although he is very old.

Paw Paw the ringing boy
When spring comes he will bring you so much joy.
Paw Paw the ringing boy
When summer comes then the world will fade away.

Your needs
A string of beads
I dance, I twirl
A milk white pearl.

Worlds fade, worlds end
I dance, I spin
No one touches me
Except for spirituality.

Paw Paw the ringing boy
When spring comes he will bring you so much joy.
Paw Paw the ringing boy
When summer comes then the world will fade away.




Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Politics

Tolerance is Natural, Respect is Too Much

In recent years, I feel like I have been constantly defending conservatives from unjust attacks, like the idea that they are ignorant, racist people who hate science and don’t care about children being murdered etc. I kept wondering where all this hatred for conservatives was coming from, and was close to concluding that conservatives are actually just better, more open minded people than liberals are.

However, after coming out of the closet as an astrologer, I began to notice dark red beams being sent my way by the religious in response to astrology posts I would make. They would never say anything to me directly, but on the psychic level it was clear that to *some* of them, I was engaged in something questionable.

And this got me to wondering if, perhaps, the hatred for conservatives in general could be rooted in an unacknowledged hatred for the religious, brought about by the fact that religious people can actually be quite judgmental,  even when they don’t express these judgments openly.

Many religions seem to function, in part, as a vehicle through which people can detach themselves from troublesome reptilian feelings, which are then projected onto the people around them causing those people to seem dirty, bad, unholy etc. God hates how bad these people are, and one day he will return to murder them. Especially in the more fundamental religions, the pain that is projected often stems from sexual & physical abuses or some form of shame. Harsh judgments (rendered by God, of course) become the vehicle through which this pain can be projected outwards onto other humans.

And it has long been a part of our culture that we must ‘respect’ religion, even if we are not taking part in it, and even when- and here lies the core of the problem- it does not respect us. Although respecting religion sounds lofty, I think the “high road” approach to life is generally a failure, because it is out of touch with emotional realities.

Respect is meant to be reciprocal- if someone looks down on us, whether due to religion or other factors, we are not supposed to respect them in return. Disrespecting those (at least privately) who disrespect you is part of a natural psychic immune system, which tells our mind not to value the opinions of those who do not value us. This maintains our integrity and keeps our emotional boundaries intact.

To be clear, I’m not saying we should oppress religion or try to punish those who think we are bad. That would be going too far. At the end of the day, someone believing you are going to hell is not a very big deal, and in all other ways this person may be a good friend. And yet, their belief system still does represent a *tiny* attack on you- an itty bitty paper cut which should be treated lest it turn into something worse.

And the only treatment necessary is just allowing yourself to have a natural response to their beliefs- the response of liking and respecting them just a little less because of their inability to respect you. Simple, harmless, and the world stays in balance.

If we were allowed to have a natural dislike for religions that look down on us, the results would be

  1. Religions themselves would be improved and forced to clean up their act, since they would no longer be on a form of psychic welfare where they are allowed to collect respect they haven’t earned.
  2. Religious wounds would not fester on the unconscious level and be allowed to turn into something truly nasty, such as irrational anger and hatred for anyone who reminds us of the original wounders.

In essence, the ability for society to tolerate religion in a healthy and sustainable manner, depends on our ability to not give them automatic and unnatural respect.

 

 

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Kentucky Music & Songs

Live in this World

 

Tiny Wars. Portrait and Abstract painting. Acrylic on canvas. Orange, yellow, spring green, and turquoise.

After I wrote this song, a couple of Baptists told me they had been singing the chorus over and over again as they drove from Kentucky to Tennessee, and for me, that shed a lot of light on the song’s meaning.

Although I do think many, if not most, religions are mind control cults, the biggest cult of all is probably our mainstream culture which hypnotizes people into chasing meaningless dreams, valuing things that have no value, and seeing beauty where there isn’t any. It lures us into believing in a flat but challenging world, and casually dismisses as unreal every point of view that doesn’t come directly from our movies and universities. Nobody is really “of this world,” because the world as we understand it is a creation of our own minds. But we, ourselves, were created by a mind other than our own, and are part of a larger world that may be impossible for us to grasp and define.

So, at least, we could recognize that our view of reality is subjective, and not tell people to “get real” when they don’t buy into our ideas.  Telling them to “get with the program” might be more appropriate.

Download MP3: Live in This World