Tag: red

Bring Me Down

Look at you and listen to what you say
Follow you whereever you will stay

For so many years I ran away places where I’d hide
I want you to hold me there inside.

Look at you a smile fills up my mind
Feeling warm and burgundy with wine

For so many years I dreamed of places far away
I want you to take me there today

Will you hold my hand when I follow you so far underground?
Will you pin me there when I’m quivering darkness all around?
Will you bring me down?

Looking down and smiling to the side
All the secrets that I hold inside

When he turned to burgundy drag me cross the floor
I cry, then go back for more

Will you hold my hand when I follow you so far underground?
Will you pin me there when I’m quivering darkness all around?
Will you bring me down?

Look at you another shade of red
Rub my eyes and stumble back to bed
All the ropes and wine and fantasy scattered on the floor
Rest first then go back for more

When I think of you, I suffocate something I can’t find
Could you hurt me pull me back again somewhere in my mind?

When you seperate me suffocate dragging on the floor
All the voices hurt me teling me maybe I want more
Will you bring me down?

Will you hold my hand when I follow you so far underground?
Will you pin me there when I’m quivering darkness all around?
Will you bring me down?

Tags burgundy, Love, men, red, sex, suffocation, violence, wine

Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia men Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire Videos

Jay

Post author By julien
Post date July 23, 2024
No Comments on Jay

Jay, when you wanted to go
Were you wanting to mate her mainly?
Never wanting to save your baby oh

Stay cause I wanted to know
Sometimes I come to cry down this town
Cause I needed a home. Do you ever come near

Come far? Do you ever think of me as someone
Who could be part of your world
Wrapped in a warm red fire?

Jay, when we talk on the phone
Could you ever conceive that maybe
I could not understand why you’re always alone?

And the weather is cold?
Sometimes I come to cry down this town
No one knows where I go. Would you ever come near

Come far? Do you ever think of me as someone
Who could be part of your world
Wrapped in a warm red fire?

Hold your hands behind your back
And tell me that you’re coming back
Leave me with the fire inside

Shadows dancing on the wall
Like crazy men they trip and fall
Somewhere in the fire I hide.

Jay, when you leave me alone
Sometimes I go and stand there crazy
Broken glass in my hand cause I gotta hold on

And the weather is cold.
Every night when I wander this town
No one knows where I go. Would you ever come near

Come far? Do you ever think of me as someone
Who could be part of your world
Wrapped in a warm red fire?

Tags fire, Love, red, secrets, shadows

Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own Red, Soldiers, & Fire Writings

Candles

I love candles. Many times a single candle has altered the course of my life.

Last night I lit a red candle and BAM!! All these realizations about sex started flooding me. I saw how it merges two people’s energy & if the man doesn’t value your survival & material well being as his own you best steer clear, cause he will dilute your energy. The energy you need to survive. Especially for someone like me who feels precarious in her own survival to begin with.

Wanting a man to invest in you materially isn’t selfish…. why would you merge your material body with someone who doesn’t love you that much? I invest in Slippers materially and take responsibility for her life. Even tho I suck at survival it isn’t that hard to expand your sense of self to include someone else. This should be the minimum sort of love a person has before you risk merging with them.

Cause for me, if I have sex with someone I become very attached. My mind and emotions are constantly drifting towards them. Why would you want to spend all day thinking about someone who wouldn’t even buy you groceries? It doesn’t make any sense. Until you find someone who at least loves you that much you should hold your energy inside cause you’ll need it. Cause I think survival is hard for females. At least for me.

It’s is hard for me to think practically, logically, selfishly and strategically which is how you need to think for survival. How would a man feel if he was expected to jack off to purple rectangles? It’s not how he’s wired up.

But men are more selfish & strategic by nature. (Not to mention that their testicles are 2 extra brains devoted to survival.) It’s what makes it dangerous to be intimate with a man unless his sense of self has expanded to include you. Because although men are designed to be selfish, they also have the ability to expand their sense of self to include wife, children, family, clan, country etc. In this way they are selfish and unselfish at the same time.

But don’t place your well being at the mercy of a man who sense of self does not include you. Because to people outside this sense of self they are ruthless.

This hit me like lightning last night. I was lighting a red candle to help me be better at surviving because I don’t know what I’m going to do for money yet. I lost my last job for not conning people hard enough & the two jobs before that were both lost for crying on the job due to smells. I’m sure there is something I can do but it always seems to require being something other than my nature. Just trying to get my brain to think about what I could do ends up with staring into space as no thoughts arise. My mind is wired to be hyperaware of what is, not to strategize a path forward.

But the red candle showed me that the first step to surviving is not forming relationships which don’t facilitate your survival. Cause why would you merge with someone not vested in you? How can it lead to anything good?

I’ve always been so afraid of being a gold digger that I sort of became the reverse. But really there is nothing wrong with a man investing in you materially. I invest in Slippers materially. I’m not going to be enjoying a delicious meal while she is hungry. That would be sick. To care about a loved one’s physical well being is the most basic form of love. If someone doesn’t love you in the most basic way WHY would you allow your mind & heart to center around them? It’s self abandonment.

It may be nobody’s responsibility to take care of me but it is not my responsibility to suck their dick either. It doesn’t really matter if someone claims to like or love you. Actions speak louder than words and if they can’t love me -at a bare minimum- like I love Slippers then being with them will dilute my raw power which I cannot afford.

I have to put myself first until I find somebody that puts me first.

Thank you red candle. I will add candles to the list of things that have always been my friends… colors, candles. End of list.

Tags candles, fire, men, red, red root, sex, survival

Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own Writings

The Heart Protector

Did you know your Heart has a friend who follows him through life with only one goal- to protect? This friend is called The Heart Protector.

When you get heart broken or betrayed The Heart Protector can sink into depression. Where did he go wrong? How did he let his friend down?

Maybe he learns something, makes sense of his mistakes & goes back to work.

Or maybe he’s not sure what he did wrong. He moves into a state of hyper vigilance to ensure this never happens again. He builds new walls thick and crusty. The Heart lives inside these walls & starts to be deprived of light.

The Heart Protector builds walls in many ways. He may become paranoid & carry a magnifying glass looking for tiny red flags. He may become cynical & tell himself Love doesn’t exist. He may even reach the point of believing that Knights & Unicorns never walked the earth.

He can make you critical. Pointing out flaws in anyone who gets close. He can make you queasy at the thought of one day walking hand and hand with someone wearing matching pajamas.

He gives you reasons to reject people before they reject you. He fills your legs with adrenaline and tells you to run. Run to the river and drown yourself. He has a million ways of protecting his friend.

Recently my Heart Protector has been too tight & its hard to sing. I can’t catch my breath. I don’t want to go out and see people. I do it anyway but a part of me stays inside. I don’t want to write songs because there’s nothing to say. And no one to hear me.

I don’t know what I am supposed to have learned from my experiences or what I did wrong. I don’t know how to not let the same thing happen again. The Heart Protector is in a state of confusion. What to do? What to do?

So like the genius I am I’ve been trying to learn songs to make other people like me. My friend Arthur plays Sweet Home Alabama with me and Country Roads take me home. We play a gig which requires carrying 500 pounds of equipment for miles with the help of a grocery cart, setting up, playing for two hours, taking it down & carrying it back home. We make about 3 dollars each. I’m a bit worried about survival.

I can only hope popularity will help me survive. I want to reflect the culture back to itself so people will like me. Confederate flags are popular here. So are guns, knives, dicks, motorcycles, alcohol, drugs and nature.

A West Virginia Birthday cake. Do you see those two round cakes above it? It turns out they were boob cakes and I ate a slice when offered having no idea what I was eating. I am still trying to come to terms with this.

The view from a West Virginia bar. If you combined this pic with one of a man driving 100 mph off a cliff in a motorized easy chair while high on mushrooms it would pretty much sum up the area.

Giving a redneck hello to a guy(?) in a bar. My Yankee friends always assume the people down here are close minded. They don’t understand they are weirder than fuck.

Burning a red candle in a desperate attempt to stave off the cold. The mug is resting on a tin of chewing tobacco.

I finally had to decorate my bedroom because it was feeling too much like a prison cell. The theme is Friends. I am now expecting Dinosaurs and Elephants to come into my life.

Tags candles, Charleston West Virginia, fire, guns, heart, heart protector, Love, people of the hills, red, West Virginia

Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs On My Own Red, Soldiers, & Fire Uncategorized

The Voices

Do you hear all the voices?
They converge like a cloud
Clutch my head and I hide in a corner
They follow me follow me round.

They say life is a quick dream
Now it’s time to awake
Let your legs carry you to the river
And wash away every mistake.

You could fly!!!!

Watch my eyes in the mirror
How they float to the side
I can feel them behind me they stand
And they place all the thoughts in my mind.

They say life is an imprint
On a window so clear
First you have to release from your body
And then you’ll know everything’s real.

You could fly!!!!

Please, I just want to stay
There’s a man who I could love again
So I forced my hands thru the dirt
But what do you feel feel feel feel?

I feel hurt.

So you’ll come to the river
We’ll release all the pain
Like a shell sinking down to the bottom
Our hands falling on you like rain.

You could fly!!!!!

Please stop let me think twice
There could be fire, a new paradise
I dreamt red drops dripping like rain
But what do you feel feel feel feel?

I feel pain.

The Voices Download

Tags fairies, men, rain, red, river, suicide, voices, Water

Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs On My Own Red, Soldiers, & Fire

Easy

Post author By julien
Post date June 13, 2023
No Comments on Easy

One. Making his way cross the floor
The second don’t come anymore
Cause they only come when it’s easy easy.

Red lightning that flash in his eyes
Holding my face in a vise
This is the game that will please me please me.

Oh no lemme go I’ve been thinking about this so
Something is not right although
I love you so much beyond reason reason.

Haha funny bitch do you think that I need your lies?
Lying bitch now what words will you say this time?
After I put my dick on the line just to please you please you.

Cards cards on the table- no way
That’s not the game that they play
They only stay when it’s easy, easy.

Walk pacing around on the floor
Did you dream anything more?
More than the lessons they teach me teach me.

Oh no lemme go I’ve been thinking about this so
Something is not right although
I want you to love me and keep me keep me.

Ho ho gaming bitch do you think that I need you now?
Do you think you can turn this around some how?
I could jerk it right now to the thought of you bleeding bleeding.

Blood. One little drop just for you.
That was the first time you knew
This was a game that was easy easy.

Sigh. All of the things that you say
Holding my mind in a sway
All of the lessons you teach me teach me.

Oh no lemme go I’ve been thinking about this so
Something is not right although
When I close my eyes then it’s reeling reeling

And still I stay cause I want you to keep me from harm
Wrapped up like a fly in your beautiful arms
Drip drop from your mouth everything that you’re feeling feeling.

Swallow. Don’t snitch.
Shut your cunt mouth you dumb fucking bitch.
Are there voices do you hear their cries?
Answer me but only when I tell you that it’s time.

Easy Download

Tags blood, cards, games, lightning, men, red, violence

Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

My Question

One thing I think about a lot is how to combat various influences in your life.

Some transits, for example, will bring in a lot of dark energy. Others aggressive red energy. Others uplifting delusions that lead to your doom. What is the best way of handling this?

In theory, you could harness this energy for a successful outcome. Use the red energy to become a fireman. The dark energy to become a detective. But what about when the energy is coming from outside sources…. someone is screaming at you, someone is trying to murder you? Will becoming a fireman really help?

Let’s say for example, you are having a Mars transit causing clash and conflict in relationships. In my experience, if you try to become more assertive at this time it will blow up in your face. You are cranking up the heat on a situation that is already too hot.

Same as trying to become more spiritual under a Neptune influence. You are already too deluded. If you try to become more spiritual you just end up in white robes with a dick in your mouth. You could even go insane.

I’ve experienced this a lot with dark Pluto transits. I’ll tell myself maybe Pluto is fucking with me because I’m not black enough. This line of thought stems from when I lived in New England. They really hated fire there and yet their houses were always burning down. So I assumed fire was getting revenge on them for not embracing it. But maybe I was wrong & the houses were just burning due to being hundreds of years old or people needing insurance money.

But regardless, this led me to try adding black energy when Pluto got too scary in the hopes this would pacify him. Which always led to disaster. Violence, injuries, being scapegoated & generally ass raped which is Pluto’s signature move. Things got scarier. No matter how much I liked the idea in theory it didn’t work in practice.

Applying opposite energies seems to work better. You can cut down on anger & aggression during Mars transits if you stick to colors like blue and green, while avoiding red hots at all costs. But sometimes this gives me a little bit of FOMO. Sure, I am dodging a bullet but am I also missing a once in a lifetime chance to become a fireman?

I don’t know. Some people think air conditioning is an appropriate response to hot & humid summers while others think it is better to eat chile peppers & bake in the sun to acclimate yourself. Who is right & who is wrong? I worry about this every day.

But one thing is sure. In a crisis, when suffering from heat stroke, AC, shade & water are better than building a bonfire. At least until the immediate threat passes.

So perhaps when assaulted by darkness it is better to go to church & become a saint rather than buy a cauldron.

I’m not sure. I am currently being assaulted by darkness so I will try the “Become a Saint” approach & let you know how it goes. If you don’t hear from me again, you will know it didn’t go well.

Tags astrology, black, fire, mars, Neptune, Pluto, red, transits, Water

Charleston, West Virginia Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire Videos

Like a String (Video)

Like a piece of string dangling in something you wrote
Hanging there on a chair in the darkness and oh
Feel the clouds rushing in and I start to feel hazy

So I think about you like a drink in my mind
Stir it round pour it down and im wondering why
With your eyes to the side make me feel like I’m crazy

With your hair and the palm of your hand
If you wanted to I could believe.
All the things that nobody can teach you
You learn when you’re down on your knees.

You were lost in a world where the pieces don’t fit
Break a bottle in anger and stare at the bits
Beams of light on the stage casting diamonds so dreamy

Break a piece of a candle to hold in your mind
Your whole face is a mask no one knows what’s behind
But for now hold it down in the darkness we’re dreaming

There it stood open three feet between us
A whole world that nobody knew.
Close my eyes, maybe I could be dreaming
Cause sometimes I feel so confused.

When we step on the stage then we step in the war
My mind breaks I don’t know how to think anymore
Crumple down to the ground where the red lights are beaming

Say you won’t hurt me, the palm of your hand
If you wanted to I could believe.
All those things that we promise
To hold in the darkness where no one can see.

Tags anger, diamonds, glass, hands, red, string

Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire

Like A Slave

(Originally published February 15th 2023 then lost in server crash.)

Basically this is the audio to the video I just uploaded because I’m too lazy to do another recording. Well not too lazy exactly. Can I just rant for one minute?

Imagine you are a straight male musician & you love writing songs. But every time you write a song you are required to get fucked up the ass, beat up by three muscle men & left on the side of the highway to walk home.

That is how I feel because every time I write a song- which I like- I then have to record it which I hate. I hate wires and machines and weird pieces of black plastic. I hate computer interfaces filled with random squiggles. I have no idea what anything means. And just the mechanical nature of sound itself. Why is this staticy? Why do I sound a million miles away? I don’t know!! It all feels….. beyond what humans are meant to know. It makes me want to cry.

But now I must stop complaining. And remember the words of my friends.

Thorney: Inch by inch, it becomes a cinch.

Moxy: To every problem, there is a practical solution.

Dad/Nietzche: That which does not kill you makes you stronger.

Dad/Schwarzennegger: No pain no gain.

Dad: Bend over and grab your ankles.

Cold tea, dance with me
Give me something more to eat
Hold my head & help me find the sun.

Red fire, warm & bright
Stay with me for one more night
Tomorrow we go pay for what we’ve done.

You are my red eye by & by
You are my fire come from the sky
Now take my head & tell me what I need to know this time.

Like a slave
I was placed on earth to follow.
Like a dog, put down when I’m wrong.
But I won’t break at a jagged fate to swallow
You just play; I sing along.

Words spin round and round
Only sky where was the ground?
Leave my house you dirty cunt I’m done.

Fist eye, hot head fly
Falling down the stairs was I
Hold my head & tell me I was fun.

You are my best friend by & by
You are my fire come from the sky
Now take my head and tell me what I need to know this time.

Like a slave
I was placed on earth to follow.
Like a dog, put down when I’m wrong.
But I won’t break at a jagged fate to swallow
You just play; I sing along.

Come to me love like a bone
The only love I’ve ever known
A spark of light then miles and miles of dark.

Burning hands and sparkly eyes
And miles and miles away the skies
To settle down around around us in the park.

Like a slave
I was placed on earth to follow.
Like a dog, put down when I’m wrong.
But I won’t break at a jagged fate to swallow
You just play; I sing along.

Like a Slave Download

Tags dogs, fire, red, sky, slaves, violence

Charleston, West Virginia Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire

Like A String

(Originally published March 9th 2023, but my website went down so I am trying to resurrect the posts that were lost.)

Okay I was underachieving a little harder than normal today with this picture.