Tag: pain

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own Writings

Jupiter’s World

I never wanted to leave my country- The United States of America- but something came up and I had to go to Argentina. It is scary. I had planned to make my way through life as a Beggar but now I eat gigantic steaks with wine every night. Plus appetizers & desserts. Anything I want.

Here cost is no object. Before it was the only object. I don’t know how to think about this new reality. It will be hard to go back to the world I knew before. If that world still exists.

You don’t know how delicious this food is. So much pleasure squeezed into every meal. I have never been a food person but this is a transcendent experience. A dimension of life I didn’t know existed. Here, you don’t eat to survive. You eat to experience pleasure. And the people you eat with want you to experience pleasure. It makes them happy.

Pleasure is confusing. I always felt my value came from pain. Increasing my pain capacity, my pain appreciation, the value I could extract from pain. Believing I could turn pain into something life sustaining was the source of my confidence.

Now I’m trying to make sense of life through a pleasure lens. I don’t know where this is leading yet. I’m afraid I’ll puff up then dissolve like a cracker left in soup. Doesn’t pleasure make people soft, selfish, inconsequential? It tastes so good tho I can’t say no. Do you have any idea how many flavors are packed into every meal? Little treats they bring you between courses?

What will happen to me if I start to crave pleasure? Will I still be okay with people being assholes? I’m afraid I’ll lose the strengths that helped me survive.

Here I’m supposed to order what I want. Okay then. Appetizer, entree, main course, dessert one. Dessert Two. Wine. More wine. Strange liquors.

No one is critical of me. Before, I worked so hard, but was considered dumb and lazy. Now I’m sprawled in bed like a pig, yet considered smart and kind. The room costs $750 a night. Why? No one knows. Why is the bed the size of a swimming pool? Why are the walls covered in gold? The rules of life have changed. It may be a trick, but it feels so good- bread, wine, cookies, desserts- I can’t pull myself away.

Beds so large. Rooms so gold. The people are educated and polite. Best of all, they are so sympathetic. They never say, “Whose fault is that, bitch?!” when you slip on a marble floor. It’s “My poor baby!” instead. They don’t hoard money but let it go like feathers. Why am I in this world and what am I supposed to learn from it? Am I really here just to pleasure myself? Is there some deeper meaning?

The people are so smart. Their thinking is conventional. They never peer behind curtains to see what is hidden. If a dog is sleeping they let it lie. Why rock the boat when each person is served a giant toasted cheese- the size of a book- to eat before dinner?

Everyone speaks different languages too. If they wanted to say something snarky how could they? It’s buenos and smiles as far as the eye can see.

And if you want to walk home after dinner, you’ll be escorted. If you prefer to drive, you’ll be driven. I don’t know what is happening but I hope it turns out well.

Two weeks later I’m back on American soil. Slippers is so happy.
Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Videos

Life You Told Me

Life you told me
On my knees you sold me
But only for a day
Held my face said don’t cry
Soon you’ll understand why
Tiny price to pay.

But it hurts sometimes
Can’t explain why
I gave you my faith
Why do they go away?

Moon falls down
To the room beneath the ground
Where all the memories don’t fit.
Open a box to find you
Shut it down to bind you
In the darkened corner where I sit.

But it hurts sometimes
Can’t explain why
I gave you my faith
Why do they go away?

And the moon roll down
Thru the tunnel under the ground
Where the memories remain
In the corners where they crouch
Their little hands reach out
Another drop of rain.

Pain like a paint stripe
Your face the dark of night
You crawl across me like the moon
Laying down for a surprise
Your fingers on my eyes
Didnt know you’d disappear so soon.

And it hurts sometimes
Can’t explain why
I gave you my faith
Why do they go away?

Life you told me
On my knees you sold me
But only for a day
Held my face said don’t cry
Soon you’ll understand why
Tiny price to pay.

But it hurts sometimes
Can’t explain why
I gave you my faith

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Videos

Animal (Video)

Feel him come up from the water
Feel him standing there against the wall.
Now his shadow fall upon you
Like an animal you learn to crawl!

Did he even know you now? Did he even know?

Watch him take three steps towards you
Turn your head and listen for the pain
Feel his shadow crawl upon you
Like an animal he make it Rain!!!!

Did he even know you now? Did he even know?

Nobody knows you now. Lost in a world of stars.
No one can feel for you when, nobody here knows who you are….
You are the dark, you are the pull, the hands, the throat, the animal, you scream.
You’re trying hard to see but guided only by the light within a dream.

Dark stars throw themselves upon you
Animal rain down from the sky
Run so fast towards the water
Can you make it home before you the light?

Did he even know you now? Did he even know?

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Music & Songs

Away

Crawl into the world your eyes are slits
Fuzzy shapes & so you start to squint
Smiling harder now you try to please
Always feel so eager on your knees

Then his hands reach out so large and blue
So you do the things you always do
Try to make him happy make him stay
But in the end he just goes away.

Oh no one will love you like I do
Take my hand you know that I’ll stay with you
Forever and you say you’ll leave me
Never still you go away

First you think you’ll die but then you don’t no
To a hollow cave is where you go
Then the walls fall away and you see the sky
Your body breaks and you start to fly

This is how you learn that you’ll survive
Until another man comes down the line
So you do the things you did before
But this time he will hurt you even more

Bleeding like a pig into the rain
Clawing at a puddle made of pain
Killing everything that you love best
Because the light is breaking in your chest

Oh no one will love you like I do
Take my hand you know that I’ll stay with you
Forever and you say you’ll leave me
Never still you go away

First you think you’ll die but then you don’t no
To a hollow cave is where you go
Then the walls fall away and you see the sky
Your body breaks and you start to fly

And then you go away.

AwayDownload
Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Daydream

Close your eyes
Fantasize a place that’s safe and warm in your mind
A yellow world from the storm all the time

Arms. No more harm today.
Sometimes I go fly so far away.

So I’lll sit and day dream maybe
Hiding in the sun
Cold comes to remind you that he’s only having fun.

Someone deal you a heart & you play it
Because you wanted a game
But in the end it’s pain
In the end it’s pain.

Lie me down
Spill my mind to the ground
Roll over me
Show me everything I want to see.

Hands. Wander thru the day
Sometimes we go fly so far away.

So I’lll sit and day dream maybe
Hiding in the sun
Cold comes to remind you that he’s only having fun.

Someone deal you a heart & you play it
Because you wanted a game
But in the end it’s pain
In the end it’s pain.

Whisper in my ear you’re blurry now
I wanted something but dont know how
Dont know how to try.

Everyone said why do you feel this way
When he could be the man
Who changes everything
But I dont know I fly.

So I’lll sit and day dream maybe
Hiding in the sun
Cold comes to remind you that he’s only having fun.

Someone deal you a heart & you play it
Because you wanted a game
But in the end it’s pain
In the end it’s pain.

DaydreamDownload
Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Uncategorized

Fun

Whistling we walk downtown
And the clouds float high above the ground
You take my hand you stand so high above me.

A black snake round a silver knife
How the cups fill up way in the sky
They hold the future why you look into me?

But when I tell you I feel touched
Then you tell me that I talk too much
And I think that maybe you are using me.

Cause you tell me that I’m fun though I’m not the one
The pain comes from a heart so black and gray
Why do you play?

You whistle there beside the door
There was someone where I was before
And a world inside your eyes I wait and see.

I fill the cup I drink it down
And I swirl and swirl when you’re around
With your hands upon me now I am free.

But when I tell you I feel crushed
Then you tell me that I think too much
And I think that maybe you are using me.

Cause you tell me that I’m fun though I’m not the one
The pain comes from a heart so black and gray
Why do you play?

Try to breath but it dont help
For the first time now I doubt myself
I don’t know which of the things I should believe.

But when I tell you I feel clutched
Then you tell that I feel too much
And I think that maybe you were using me.

Cause you tell me that I’m fun though I’m not the one
The pain comes from a heart so black and gray
Why do you play?

FunDownload
Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire Videos

Pain (Video)

First bring the needle out
Tighten up the tourniquet
And now you feel the waters flow
And now the whole world grows so wet

And now how blood is beautiful
Liquid ruby through your veins and
I will love you fire to fire
Desire. You make me feel pain.

Falling back again
With your eyes an inch a way
And somehow turn from day to night
Then somehow turn from night to day

And now you light your pipe again
And now you speak your words they’re never true
You feel the room spin round and round
Theres only me and you and now

How red is beautiful
Liquid ruby through my veins
And I, I feel the world dissolve resolve
You make me feel pain.

First bring the needle out
Slide it through my eye oh I oh I
How I could live for this
So high above the world I fly I fly

I’ll love you fire to fire
And I will love you flame to flame
And I oh will I marry you, I do
You make me feel pain.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia men Music & Songs Red, Soldiers, & Fire

Pain

First bring the needle out
Tighten up the tourniquet
And now you feel the waters flow
And now the whole world grows so wet

And now how blood is beautiful
Liquid ruby through your veins and
I will love you fire to fire
Desire. You make me feel pain.

Falling back again
With your eyes an inch a way
And somehow turn from day to night
Then somehow turn from night to day

And now you light your pipe again
And now you speak your words they’re never true
You feel the room spin round and round
Theres only me and you and now

How red is beautiful
Liquid ruby through my veins
And I, I feel the world dissolve resolve
You make me feel pain.

First bring the needle out
Slide it through my eye oh I oh I
How I could live for this
So high above the world I fly I fly

I’ll love you fire to fire
And I will love you flame to flame
And I oh will I marry you, I do
You make me feel pain.

PainDownload
Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies

Blue Sky

Feel life upon you like a wave
The men will come but they won’t stay
No one knows where they’re going.

So much like you- you once were here
Step into blue then disappear
I don’t know why.

Try not to move, try not to cry
Hold onto glass but never break it.

The thing is this was never real
You confuse life with what you feel
I don’t know why.

You sigh it’s just the world you know
The men will come the men will go
No one knows why.

But pain remains that can’t be hid
The hand that cut you as a kid
Blue blue sky.

Your heart it stretches out like glue
Existing so outside of you
No one knows why.

You thought you had a friend- you don’t
You thought he’d help you but he won’t
Blue blue sky.

Blue SkyDownload
Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Purple, Magic & Sorcerers Red, Soldiers, & Fire Uncategorized

Light on the Wall


Light on the wall
Just stare at it hard then he’s coming to call
He said that your name was the cause for it all
But you knew truth- he knew nothing at all
And next thing it’s all coming down.

Blue on your mind
Then come the words that you’re struggling to find
A world that don’t change and his arm like a vine
till he’s lifting you up by the shoulder.

Waited too long
You can’t hold it back now you’re lost in the song
To enter a world where you could not belong
only lay hypnotized in the smolder.

Cotton is shame
But when you’re alone then you’re primed for the game
The way you’ll go out is the way that you came
To touch is to know that you’re feeling the same
And next thing it’s all coming down.

Light on your mind
It hurts when you know he’s not looking to find
Anything more than to have a good time and that
you were the one he could roller.

Melted again
Everyone knows it’s the heart of these men
To lower you down till you can’t rise again
then they turn to a friend and grow colder.

You will remain
Just hold your hands close to the fire of the pain
And in the end only the fire will remain
The men will return to the light where they came
And next thing it’s all coming down.

Light on the WallDownload