(Originally published March 9th 2023, but my website went down so I am trying to resurrect the posts that were lost.)
Okay I was underachieving a little harder than normal today with this picture.
Like a piece of string dangling in something you wrote Hanging there on a chair in the darkness and oh Feel the clouds rushing in and I start to feel hazy
So I think about you like a drink in my mind Stir it round pour it down and im wondering why With your eyes to the side make me feel like I’m crazy
With your hair and the palm of your hand If you wanted to I could believe. All the things that nobody can teach you You learn when you’re down on your knees.
You were lost in a world where the pieces don’t fit Break a bottle in anger and stare at the bits Beams of light on the stage casting diamonds so dreamy
Break a piece of a candle to hold in your mind Your whole face is a mask no one knows what’s behind But for now hold it down in the darkness we’re dreaming
There it stood open three feet between us A whole world that nobody knew. Close my eyes, maybe I could be dreaming Cause sometimes I feel so confused.
When we step on the stage then we step in the war My mind breaks I don’t know how to think anymore Crumple down to the ground where the red lights are beaming
Say you won’t hurt me, the palm of your hand If you wanted to I could believe. All those things that we promise To hold in the darkness where no one can see.
Place your finger on the window seal tap it three times three. Lift your eyes towards the skies and tell me what you see.
I can see him blowing in again, glowering like the corn. Wrap the black around me I won’t take it anymore.
Do you think I’ll feel this way again? Do you think I’ll feel the same? Black clouds coming down and all I can feel again is rain.
Half of life is memory. Half of life is storm. Tell yourself it’s changing when it’s only shifting form.
Half of life is far away, misty and unclear. Feel the fog surround you but that’s only when he’s near.
Do you think you’ll feel this way again? Do you think you’ll feel the same? Black strings coming down and all that I can feel is rain.
You’ll let me know somehow the ways That you’ll allow you know I never disappoint. A cloud for you I’ll be a fog a mystery To fade then vanish to a point.
Place your hand upon my forehead now Turn me three times round. Stars behind my eyes and then I’m falling on the ground.
Take the handkerchief away from me- I know where he goes. I know where the bodies lie and I know all the little things they hold.
Do you think you’ll feel this way again? Do you think you’ll feel the same? Black strings coming down and all that I can feel is rain.
His hands upon me I was spun around. Tripping over my feet through the softly fading town
Brother no… nobody leads the way Brother no… nobody leads the way
He turns towords me when the evening shines His hands upon my head I’ll wait until my time
Brother no….. nobody leads the way Brother no….. nobody leads the way
First it seems to be a no go Then he tells you things will fade away All the while the winds begin to blow And so you stumble on the way
I know nothing’s gonna make up your mind now love This is just a matter of fact I try putting all my thoughts in a line although This will never bring him back.
His arm around my neck I start to smile We’ll watch the clouds pass by just for a little while
Brother oh…… I’ll let you lead the way Brother oh…. I’ll let you lead the way
First it seems to be a rainbow Then he tells me it’s a cloud of gray All the while the fog begins to grow so you will Wander through the day
I know nothing’s gonna make up your mind now love This is just a matter of fact I try putting all my thoughts in a line although This will never bring him back.
He holds me up against the wall til I can fly Scenes of peaceful villages fade in & out of mind
Brother no… I’ll let you lead the way Brother no… I’ll let you lead the way.
First he tells you its a no no Then he tells me I must seize the day All the while the clouds begin to grow And they grow colder on the way
I know nothing’s gonna make up your mind now love. This is just a matter of fact. I try putting all my thoughts in a line although This will never bring him back.
These plates, called “Friendly Village” (which I don’t own) were the inspiration for this song. There is something so romantic about plates, especially when they contain pictures framed in brown designs. The color brown itself is so dreamy. It represents that ideal you are always reaching for but can never find…. security, home.
His hands upon me I was spun around. Tripping over my feet through the softly fading town
Brother no… nobody leads the way Brother no… nobody leads the way
He turns towords me when the evening shines His hands upon my head I’ll wait until my time
Brother no….. nobody leads the way Brother no….. nobody leads the way
First it seems to be a no go Then he tells you things will fade away All the while the winds begin to blow And so you stumble on the way
I know nothing’s gonna make up your mind now love This is just a matter of fact I try putting all my thoughts in a line although This will never bring him back.
His arm around my neck I start to smile We’ll watch the clouds pass by just for a little while
Brother oh…… I’ll let you lead the way Brother oh…. I’ll let you lead the way
First it seems to be a rainbow Then he tells me it’s a cloud of gray All the while the fog begins to grow so you will Wander through the day
I know nothing’s gonna make up your mind now love This is just a matter of fact I try putting all my thoughts in a line although This will never bring him back.
He holds me up against the wall til I can fly Scenes of peaceful villages fade in & out of mind
Brother no… I’ll let you lead the way Brother no… I’ll let you lead the way.
First he tells you its a no no Then he tells me I must seize the day All the while the clouds begin to grow And they grow colder on the way
I know nothing’s gonna make up your mind now love. This is just a matter of fact. I try putting all my thoughts in a line although This will never bring him back.
Sometimes I have words to explain things & other times I don’t. This past week I was trying to expose myself to as much yellow as possible in the hopes that it would give me more practical forms of intelligence, but I don’t think it worked. I sat for long periods in front of a yellow light & afterwards just found that all the words had been knocked out of me. I’m not sure why. Probably just because yellow is so different from what I normally think about that I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
So that is my excuse for not being able to give you any meaningful explanations for this song. Really though, it might have more to do with the nature of the song and not so much to do with yellow.
Hold me by the wrist.
Hold me to the ground.
Watch the world it flies
Spinning round and round.
Tell me what you know.
Tell me everything.
Pressed into a box.
Pressed into a ring.
See clouds that fly.
See them flying free.
That third one is I-
Do you recognize me now?
Their reflections fly
Flowing down the stream
Round my ankles I
Need you to release me now.
In the mirror there,
I saw you again
Like a foggy man
Close behind me then
Pressing into me
Your two hands were tied.
We’re in this world now
Like the square it binds.
Catch a bird that flies
Slice him into three.
Like a man he dies-
Do you understand me now?
Capture any bird
Capture anything
The relentless claw-
Do you understand me now?
When I heard your words
They were only sounds
Tying up my brain
Filling it with brown.
And my heart was tied
Like an animal too.
Our words weren’t the same
How could I explain to you?
Something isn’t right.
Something spinning wrong.
Shapes are scratching now.
Not where I belong.
Every cloud that flies
Breaking up in threes
Meaning something dies
Will you recognize me now?
Every time I write a song I go through a predictable process.
First, there are days of anxiety where I wait for the right moment to ask James for help with recording & uploading. Due to his odd hours & catastrophic stress levels, days or weeks may pass before I get up the nerve to ask him. He likes to help me, of course, but I still feel guilty asking for his time when he is always run ragged & juggling grenades.
(The past 2 years he has mostly been in the cryptocurrency field. If you like trading cryptocurrencies, visit his site: www.whalewarz.com)
Eventually, I get the song posted. Then I enter a fog. Who am I? What am I doing with my life? Within a day or two, the fog leads to a new obsession that I am sure will be the answer to everything. The obsession lasts for a few days or maybe weeks. Then I enter another fog. What the hell have I been doing? Sometimes I can hardly remember. Why did I paint everything green? What was I hoping to accomplish?
At this point, I return to being my regular self, tail between my legs. The self who doesn’t need to control the universe, but just wants to collect pink things & scented soaps. Maybe write an occasional song.
I am going through that second fog right now- where the obsession lifts and I wonder what I have been doing. This last obsession was with reading books on magic written prior to the 1700s. And while it was somewhat interesting, eventually the patterns of the books began to clash with the patterns of my brain until I just didn’t feel like myself anymore.
The books were what I would call “occult.” Which (to me) means harnessing spiritual powers to create change on earth. The occult has masculine, religious overtones that don’t sit right in my stomach. Fathers, hierarchies, magic squares, solemnity & robes- these are the things that belong to men.
Then there is witchcraft, of course, but I am not womanly enough for that. Long flowing dresses, pools of naked women, bubbling cauldrons, turning men into frogs- witchcraft is only for earth mothers or lesbian teenagers.
Luckily, I believe that between the higher world of celestial magic and the lower* world of earth powers, there is a third world where magic resides. A world so ordinary it does not appear magical at all. Maybe I will tell you about it sometime. But right now I have to cook dinner. I hope all is well in your secret existence.
A shopping spree from when I thought orange was the answer to everything. (But still could not help picking up some browns, since I have this obsession with brown despite the two of us having nothing in common.)
A shopping spree from when I thought green was the answer to everything. But, once again, I could not resist grabbing a few brown bowls as well due to the funny feeling they give me.
Right and wrong
Is not the things I know about.
A song- but I could calm the waters on a cold, gray day
You will know my name.
I am a cloud; you can’t hurt me!
Strike against me with your strongest hand
Blow you like a boy across the waters
Smash you like a board back to the land.
Filling up the sails of the sailors
You’ll never know where I lie
Cut me, it won’t make you any braver
Falling out of favor with the sky.
Right and wrong
Is not the things I know about.
A song- but I could still the waters on a cold, gray day
You will know my name.
I am a cloud; you can’t hurt me!
Fall upon me with your heavy hand
Run away and yet I seem to follow
Clinging to your whiskers like the sand.
Creeping like a fog above the waters
You’ll never know where I lie
Curling round your shoulders like a vapor
Sucking from your lungs another sigh.
Forty stars against the light of day
Forty stars that draw away, away, away.
Right and wrong Are not the things I care about. A song- but I could cool the waters on a cold, gray day You will call my name.
A song… I guess… about my love for men who are boring on the outside but shady* on the inside- like detectives… or maybe it is a song about my love for the gray clouds and fog that hang over West Virginia in the early spring. All I know for certain is that I wrote this song while thinking about the constellation Scorpio in a bathtub… sometimes when I am feeling down or lost I will choose a constellation to think about to cheer me up… and the moon was in Scorpio at the time, which is why I chose it, maybe. I was in the bathtub because it was the only bathing device in the house, the house being from 1907. However, a shower head has just been installed, so life is more normal now.
*Secretive, I mean. I secretly admire people who have that quality, because I usually end up spilling all the contents of my mind, whether I mean to or not.
You could be my dark man Stranger in the park man Standing in your trench coat flashing Stars above but somethings crashing down
You could be my shady friend
Standing where the street lights end
Shadows fall always behind you
No one seeks and no one finds you now
Clouds stretch so far away
Endless worlds of endless grey
Walk before me and I’l follow you
This road leads us to tomorrow, true?
Clouds takes shape but they always lie
We’ll get bored but we’ll never die
Lay your hand upon my head now
Lead me through the fog and dread now
You could be my shadow man
To offer me your white bread hand
Shelling peanuts with your finger
A dusty feeling I remember now
Life can be so many things
Sometimes swirling like a dream
Sometimes flat I’m trapped inside it
Close my eyes but they won’t hide it
Half alive but that’s okay
The other half is filled with gray
Eyes are reaching through the fog and lace
From another world I can almost place
You could be my answer man
A book to dull to understand
A slice of bread upon my plate
The rusty and forgotten gate to now.
