blobs

Sometimes it is hard to write songs or even blog posts because I lose myself so easily and then I’m not on the right wavelength to tap the muse I want to tap.

And I know why. Because I have certain traits that aren’t socially acceptable, but when I detach from these traits I lose myself and have nothing to say.

There is a pressure to be everything at once but you can’t be. You have to pick your poison and then align with those people who can accept you as you are.

I have certain traits that are socially unacceptable- such as talking about dicks too much- but these traits are actually to cover up a set of traits even more socially unacceptable.

I read in a book once that everyone has a fake personality designed to cover their true weaknesses and this is definitely true for me. The bold act meek & the meek act bold.

Supposedly though, if you drop your compensating mask & allow your true self to shine through you will get much luckier. That is what I read in the book. But in my case it is easier said than done since my true self is a clear blob. How can I express that?

Anyway, let’s talk about sausages. They are my safe place.

What is a sausage?

A dick?

A man?

To me, a sausage is a paradise. The feeling of a moment stretching out in all directions. That bubble of eternity is one link on the sausage chain.

Or sometimes a sausage is a world set apart from other worlds. You are in the ocean and everything is blue, the ocean and the sky, like a blue pearl. That pearl is one link on the sausage chain.

I used to think women contained worlds and men lived inside them. But now I’m wondering if it is the reverse and all realities are created inside men’s dicks plus the dicks of giant men who live in the sky.

Men seem like magical beings to me, for better or worse.

They can change your sense of yourself until you are certain you are a worm.

Or they can lift you out of this world altogether into a link of the sausage chain you have never seen before.

Either way, don’t panic. There is a new link behind every bend and the chain goes on forever.

A cloud? Or a man disguised as a cloud? Men will take the form of whatever you want to see until you chomp the bait.

Mushrooms continue to grow in front of the house where I used to live. James had the locks changed so I can’t see my dogs anymore. Thinking about this hurts too much so I think about sausages instead.

Before changing the locks he started putting weird signs on the door every day when it was my time to see them.

He was allowed to choose anytime for me to see them. 1 hour 3x a week. But no matter what time, it would never be good.

I hope they know I have not forgotten them.

On a happy note- an EBT dinner. I can have all the food I want now, although fresh fruits & vegetables are hard to come by.

A tip jar. I’ve started playing music by myself since I broke up with my bass player. He thought he should be able to dicktate which songs I was and wasn’t allowed to play even in his absence. This seemed to me like an overreach. I miss the deep watery sounds of the bass though. And having someone who could drive and set up equipment.

Meat sent these to boost my confidence. Dust of Slut, Essence of Testicles, Lez Vibes & Self-Doubt Eliminator. But I find Essence of Testicles works for almost every situation. I’ve always been a huge believer in dick and ball magic.

I did a gofundme to raise 11 dollars so I could buy this poster. I don’t know why it speaks to me. And I don’t know if I should hang it in the kitchen as a welcome or the bedroom as a warning. To myself. To never trust in no one else. Except it takes trust to reach paradise.

Fur sausage. My doggies inhabit their own link of Sausage Time. We will find a way to see each other again.

Clouds above the Lettuce Patch for the Poor, plus a ball. But the lettuces have grown tall and thin and don’t seem edible anymore.

I mentioned a couple posts back that I was going to stop doing astrology readings in order to avoid being visited by people’s ‘ghosts.’ However, now that I have stopped, the ghost-thingies have not stopped coming. In fact, every interaction, even the briefest of facebook exchanges, is now accompanied by these emotion-filled transparencies. Luckily, these are usually just colored blobs that surround (and sometimes overlap) my head, and not head to toe ‘possessions’ like I was experiencing before.

Still, especially when I am interacting with a decent number of people, these blobs can become quite unpleasant, not to mention confusing, especially while I am still in the early stages of learning what they mean. James insists that the more I embrace and understand them, the less bothersome these perceptions will become. Considering that I seem to have no choice in the matter, I just hope he is right.

I don’t think of myself as someone who sees ghosts (now I am using the word ‘ghost’ in the technical sense) because- praise the Lord- I do not see transparent people floating through old houses. I cannot even imagine how freaky that would be. However, I do see things invisible beings which attach themselves to humans and feed off their energy. Sometimes I call these things ghosts. There are two different types I am aware of (although this isn’t a subject I have yet given much though to, so I may have to amend my statements at a later date.)

1. Ghouls. Ghouls are blobular entities that connect to the bottom half of a person’s body where they feed off their sexual energy. The telltale sign of a ghoul is little droplets of blood coming off the corners of a person’s mouth. (That is how I perceive them anyway.) Ghouls seem to have the effect of giving a person an outsized desire for ‘red things,’ such as sex, power, & bloody, iron rich foods. There is a gruesome quality to ghouls which make me feel nauseated in their presence although their host may be an otherwise pleasant person. If you are interacting with an intelligent, clean and thoughtful person who still leaves you wanting to wretch you may be in the presence of a ghoul.

2. Thin Men. (I just made this name up for fun. I don’t know if there are official names for these things or not.)

Thin men also live off a person’s red energy, but unlike ghouls they do not drive their host to seek more and more blood. Instead,the thin man will encourage the host to stay focused on spirituality, leaving the bottom half of the body unguarded. This allows the thin man to move in and live for free off a person’s life energy. I believe thin men are actually male ancestors, while ghouls are non-human. The telltale sign of a thin man is an empty gray rectangle overlaying the bottom half of the body. Or in a more practical sense, there may be a noticeable absence or rich earthy energy and colors in a person’s life.

In fact, if you want to protect yourself from thin men (who are far more common than ghouls), it is a good idea to be a little hearty and peasant-like in your approach to life rather than jumping onto the white, spiritual zen aesthetic that is currently trending. Think twice before doing the recommended morning meditation of focusing on your breath, and consider taking that time to clip coupons or google topless pics of your favorite Hollywood hunk (if you are a woman, I mean). If you are a man, you can take it up a notch and try hunting or chopping wood. Identifying yourself with all that is practical, tangible and lusty will make you an unsuitable host for the thin man.

I will probably have more to say about attachments in the future. I have seen these sorts of things for a while, but was always trying to push them out of my mind in an effort to avoid going insane. Now I am trying the opposite approach. Only time will tell which way is the wiser…