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Charleston, West Virginia My Life Story On My Own

Is love real?

Hi. I really miss my website and blog because it always felt like my best friend, a secret journal I could confide in.

But the struggle to survive has been real and it has been hard to find time to write a best friend letters.

Also I have been in nonstop legal battles and was afraid that if I blogged the wrong thing I would be sent to jail since the judge is always threatening to do so. (Why? I don’t know. It is divorce court and people tell me you can’t be sent to jail unless you commit a crime. But the judge must dislike my personality or something because he always says he will send me to South Central. He says it in response to a facial expression I make or where he thinks my eyes are pointing and other things I don’t understand so I started to become a little paranoid.)

But it has become clear that the court process will never end and I can’t wait forever to return to my life…

Anyways, communicating through videos seems a bit rude and impersonal compareds to writing BUT I am having a transit (Uranus 6th house) in which must continue doing your same work through different technologies else you get blown up. Videos take less time & maybe they will seem cozy once I get used to them.

If anyone is reading this, I am so happy. It is the best feeling to feel there are secret friends surrounding you in the ethers who could pop into your life at any moment.

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Purple, Magic & Sorcerers

A Friend

Don’t go insane; don’t pull your hair
Don’t you play the fool you poor poor girl now.
The sky is dark; the stars are dots
They are hiding in a black black swirl now.

You always knew that people smile
They extend their hand but don’t take it no no.
Because this life is never what it appears to be
When you’re crawling so low.

Don’t let his hand reach for your heart-
Have you asked yourself why he needs a friend?
Because he likes to hurt them.

Some people lie; they like to smile
And they’ll say the sweetest things that you crave
You’re lying down; you’re getting soft
You’re refusing to see things in a new way

From every side he’s moving in and you’re
Lying there but where can you go now?
You close your eyes imagining a new place
Where life could be different somehow.

Don’t let his hand inside your chest-
Have you asked yourself why he needs a friend?
Because he likes to hurt them.

You’ll stand alone; you’ll find a way
You won’t need nobody, no one, no no.
The sky is dark; the moon is grey
In that kind of way nothing’s certain oh no.

Crawl to the door, then stop & freeze-
Have you asked yourself why he needs a friend?
Because he likes to hurt them.

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Charleston, West Virginia Music & Songs Plants and the Emerald Kingdom

Forever

Lay the stars before me
Place my hand into the tray
Let me choose the one that I’ll follow
All the way.

I’ll walk until forever
Past the green plants as they die
I’ll leave them on the ground
My eyes fastened on the line.

I could live forever
It would a single day
Push me to the ground and then I’m found I’m found
Always be that way.

I could know forever
I can see where heaven lies
Walk me on and on and when it hurts again
Close my eyes.

We were walking side by side through night
Dressed from head to toe in black was I
When you felt afraid you’d turn to me
And wish that I would die.

Push me down into the blackness
Somewhere in the soil I start to live
Now I ‘m a ghost I can’t be hurt no more
Only give.

I could live forever
It would a single day
Push me to the ground and then I’m found I’m found
Always be that way.

I could know forever
I can see where heaven lies
Walk me on and on and when it hurts again
Close my eyes.

Take my hand & look into my eyes-
No you won’t
I’m your shadow now
Where you go I go.

Take my hand & try to turn me round-
No you see
I’m invisible
Your company.

I could live forever
It would a single day
Push me to the ground and then I’m found I’m found
Always be that way.

I could know forever.
I can see where heaven lies
Walk me on and on and when it hurts again
Close my eyes.

Categories
Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Hurricane, West Virginia Music & Songs Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Uncategorized

Best Friends Forever

 

 

Mommy

 

 

Download Mp3: Best Friends Forever

 

you bought me candy and you held my hand
and we walked, just the two of us, there on the sand
and we watched the horizon so far away
and i smiled- i knew it would all be mine someday

but then when you left the horizon turned flat
it was an empty line, who wants to waste their time chasing that?
and all the dreams were shadows that left the world colder
and the future was only a place to get older and die

death was everywhere behind every smile
it fueled the people’s dreams, they drove mile after mile
but i stood there, just waiting for my time to run out
tousled by the purple sheets blowing about

in a wind that came from somewhere, but from where no one was sure
life was just a riddle then, so pointless and obscure
that no one even tried to answer it, they just drove faster in their cars
wanting to go anyplace as long as it was far

from the place they were born, a birth they could not even remember
memory was a flashlight, a tiny handheld ember
that we used to move forward, but never to look back,
while behind us a presence grew so ominous and black

and in front of us we were certain we heard footsteps descending
we knew they were death’s feet, heralding our ending
for i’d seen my own mother slide like a child into his robes
so we focused with exclusion on the things we could control

studiously shining our little lights on tombstones
memorizing names that belonged to the bones
and at times i would lie down and dream i was dying
i’d close both my eyes and watch purple flags flying

thru a sky with two moons and my hands would grow colder
would my mother recognize me now thirty years older?
would we walk again, the two of us, on a beach in the sky?
would i feel hope again when i found a world where you don’t have to die?

or would death be there, as well, would he slide through the curtain
a jack in a black box who makes pain so certain
when he scoops out the fruit and then leaves me the rind
until i’m clawing like an animal for a way to feel full inside

when you were here, i was here, i occupied this place,
but now my heart is stretches like an ache throughout space
i look everywhere to find you, people tell me to let go
but i see their eyes shine with a demonic glow

i will follow you, i’ll follow you, i’ll fight through the veils
we will meet again, i don’t know where, but please let your trail
lead me outside of time where we can hold hands forever
and i can dream again, knowing we’ll be best friends forever.