Category: Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Young Girls Don’t Get Married

Post author By julien
Post date April 13, 2014
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I got married (the first time) because God told my husband-to-be that I had to. This wasn’t the first time God had spoken to this man (let’s call him John). It started when God told John he had been appointed as my spiritual guide. Next, God told John I needed to give John my two favorite shirts. One for John to keep and one for John to give to a girl he liked (we’ll call her Sally). This hurt, because I really liked those two shirts, and I didn’t see why a man would want to wear purple velvet anyway.

After that, things started to snowball rapidly. I had to tell my friends I was in love with him (for complex spiritual reasons that I cannot remember). I had to go on a spiritual retreat with him. He drove me to Michigan which turned out to be where his parents lived and I was introduced to them as his girlfriend. I was horrified but didn’t know how to contradict him. Before he drove me home I was required to be engaged to him. Because God had needed me- as part of the spiritual retreat- to see him naked, and now that I had seen him naked his spirituality required him to marry me.

This was horrifying. I was a student and the very idea of seeing whiskers from up-close was still revolting to me. Plus, I had been hoping to marry Bono one day and live with him in his castle. But I didn’t know what to do. I tried to hide my ring finger because I felt so ashamed. But people would see the ring and congratulate me. I couldn’t tell anyone how I felt. So many people were fiercely loyal to him and no one cared about me in more than a “hey, let’s go to a party together” way.

And then, once we were engaged, John told me he had to give Sally a naked massage for existential reasons.

Download MP3: Young Girls Don’t Get Married

Tags marriage, Michigan, naked, retreats, spiritual abuse, spiritual guides, young girls don't get married

Brooklyn Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Masterwood (a poem)

This is a poem and normally I don’t care that much for poems. Nonetheless, I have heard that gardens grow most vigorously when they are 3% weeds, and since I now have about one hundred songs in here, I thought I should sprinkle in a couple of poems to keep things healthy.

The reason I generally don’t care for poetry is because poems tend to be flavorless, hard to chew, and lacking in digestible matter. Like grass. Maybe the good ones are like vegetables and aromatic herbs. But rarely like candy.

Once I tried giving up candy for a few months and only eating vegetables, fruits, nuts, and other “natural” foods. I was inspired (or probably hypnotized) by a book called “Detox” that claimed if you ate this way your body would become so pure that your skin would be transparent. This seemed like an irresistible possibility, especially since I was due to get married soon and worried about looking my best for my big day.

The main problem with this diet was that it required me to eat literally all day long just to survive. Every moment I wasn’t eating was spent driving around buying strange foods like liquid chlorophyll which Detox required me to drink nightly mixed with olive oil and apple juice. I had to stop painting because there was no time to do anything but eat, and no money either (natural foods are expensive.) My healthy diet was consuming all my time and money, and even some of my friendships too, which had once revolved around going out for pizza and ice cream.

Maybe it would have been worth it if my skin had become transparent, but it remained as opaque as ever. In fact, no matter how many cauliflowers I ate I seemed to look exactly the same.

What is the moral of the story? That if you eat too many vegetables it may detract from fulfilling your life’s purpose. That’s why I like songs- they are like cookies, easy to digest and full of fun and accessible calories. They give you the nutrition you need without detracting from your modern, 0n-the-go lifestyle.

Download MP3: Masterwood

Tags detox, diet, nutrition, poetry, songs, transparent skin, vegetables

Los Angeles Music & Songs Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Knocking on Heaven’s Door

… if James wasn’t encouraging me to include ALL my songs on this blog I would probably leave this one out because it makes me feel embarrassed! I’m not sure what my brain was thinking when I wrote this, or if it was thinking at all, but I do remember exactly what I was feeling… I was surrounded by a mustard colored light and that light became this song.

I have always felt a little uncomfortable around mustard yellow. Until recently I couldn’t even eat mustard out of an irrational fear that I might end up with a yellow stain on my clothes. I’ve never really taken the time to think about this color or what it means to me, although I always notice when it shows up. It seems to be favored by people who work in the theater and lovers of purple velvet. (It’s also a popular choice for colonial homes around Portsmouth.)

At any rate, this ochre light surrounding me was a blend of several forces, such as:

1. The gold of spirituality and idealism darkened by fear, leading to an apocalyptic outlook.

2. The nutritive butter yellow of Kentucky darkened with nauseating ideas from childhood about the role of females in this world. Such as them being less intelligent than men and doomed to make their way through life on “sexual wiles” alone, an idea which repulsed me- especially when I was still young enough to think boys had cooties. Of course my conscious mind had rejected these ideas, but- like mustard wiped from a white shirt- the stain remained.

I like to think that, for the most part, these mental influences have now been released from my mind, and that is why I can eat mustard without (great) fear. It tastes good.

Download MP3: Knocking on Heaven’s Door

Tags cooties, Kentucky, mustard, ochre, sexual wiles, stain

Music & Songs Nashville Santa Fe Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Blessings from the Father

Post author By julien
Post date March 18, 2014
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I started painting nude women to please my husband, and then at some point I started painting nude men as a form of rebellion. It was very satisfying and I never went back. Even now when I see a “Cowboys in Shorts” calender it makes me feel giddy with feelings of freedom and power, like a bird flying out of its cage.

Not that by nature I like nude pictures of men anymore than the average person (who I know from experience is not fond of them!) But I do think that in a culture where women are frequently objectified (some call that a phallocracy), they are funny and refreshing.

Once I started hanging around my nude male paintings, however, they became a lot more than just refreshing. Once the shock value wore off, I started to find feelings of great comfort and safety in their presence. Nude men like these will never let anyone hurt you. And they are every bit as sensitive and caring as they are strong. They are true blue and have nothing to hide. They will be there for you forever and ever.

I guess through my own paintings I was able to envision men who were givers, not takers, and supportive rather than narcissistic. I don’t think this would have happened if I was painting men with clothes on. It is through their musculature, organs, and the shape of their bodies that these men reveal their true natures. Sometimes a face can be a mask, but organs never lie.

Download MP3: Blessing from the Father

Tags men in shorts, musculature, nude men, organs, phallocracry, protector

Music & Songs Nashville Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Pink & Yellow Sky

Another song about the “gold time.” When I think of the color gold, I think of wisdom, benevolence, and justice. When the gold time comes, people will be seen for who they really are, good deeds will finally be rewarded, and nice guys will (maybe) finish first.

But, unfortunately, gold is omega of colors, the most stable in value but the slowest to accrue, so it will probably be a while before the gold time gets here. In fact, the gold time will probably be the very last period of time to exist. It may be a little like the Last Judgement- a period where the wheat gets separated from the chaff in preparation for eternity.

But that doesn’t mean a person needs to wait till the end of time to receive their just rewards- mini-gold times happen much more frequently. These are the times when the faith, hard work, and persistence of years finally pay off. Even these mini-gold times can take a little longer to arrive than we wish they would, but still, if you hang on long enough, you can be sure one will roll around eventually. And, since gold is the color of lasting value, the golden harvest you reap will stay with you forever.

Download MP3: Pink & Yellow Sky

Tags gold, Gold Time, good deeds, integrity, judgement day, persistence

Los Angeles Music & Songs Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Collection of Spades

I wrote this after going to the library to check out some children’s book. Frequently, I think children’s books are the best books. They are simple and clear- pure content and vision, stripped of all complexity and intellectualism.

Great Works for Adults tend to be complicated and fibrous, and when you do go through the trouble of digesting them, they rarely have the calorie content of books written for children.

The Wind in the Willows vs. Crime and Punishment…

Mark Twain vs. Hemingway…

To me, there is no contest as to which books speak to us most deeply and directly.

Download MP3: Collection of Spades

Tags children's books, collection of spades, Crime and Punishment, Hemingway, Mark Twain, The Wind and the Willows

Music & Songs Nashville Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Make Love to Your Horse

I wrote this song in Nashville, during which time I came across this quote from Kahlil Gibran:

“When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ”

I interpreted this to mean, quite simply, the worse a relationship is, the better it is.

The dangers of reading things that seem lofty and profound!!

Download MP3: Make Love to Your Horse

Tags Kahlil Gibran, make love to your horse, Nashville, relationships

Brooklyn Music & Songs Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

So Long

Just another song about the never ending quest to find a place where it is always sunny and warm, always afternoon, and I’m always sitting with a friend around a yellow checkered tablecloth as cakes and lemonade are just about to be set down on our table. All colors are essential to our survival, but how long will a person last without yellow and gold? At the time I wrote this song, I was living in New York, where I felt I was drowning in indigo, unable to function in all the mushy darkness.

Download MP3: So Long

Tags gold, indigo, New York, sunny and warm, yellow

Music & Songs Nashville Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Golden Afternoon

I wrote this song when someone I knew was dying. I was expecting death to be black and grim, like suffocation in a haunted house. Instead, it felt as though a hole in the air had been ripped open, flooding the room with golden sunlight. And this sunlight kept flooding into the man, absorbing him, even as he fought against it.

His will was like an anchor, holding him to this time and place, but his will began to break down beneath the bombardment of golden light, until his mind detached and was floating in the air, half of him in this world and half in another one.

On the other side of the rip in the air, it looked like outer space, except that the space was gold, not black, and all the stars were closer than moons, like gigantic golden orbs filling the sky. And as it shone into the man’s room, the light surrounded ordinary objects with rings of gold, so they, too, began to seem vast and awe inspiring, the sight of a spoon suddenly causing your heart to catch in your throat.

Download MP3: Golden Afternoon

Tags death, golden afternoon, golden light, golden orbs

Music & Songs Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun

Looking for a King

I wrote this song while living in Los Angeles, in the tiniest apartment ever- just 100 square feet. The name of the apartment was Egg Nest, and I was very proud of it. It consisted of a little white day bed that had tiny flowers painted on its post, one wicker chest of drawers, an easel, a miniature guitar, a tiny refrigerator and a small plant hospital. On top of the wicker dresser I would keep my stereo, one scented candle, one pink Cosmo flower, and a few animal figurines. The walls were painted pink and adorned with pastel portraits of men, whom I viewed as my protectors.

The walls in my apartment were so thin that I couldn’t brush my hair without waking up my neighbor. This seemed like a metaphor for the minds of the people who lived in L.A. On the one hand, the thin membranes of their minds were what I loved the most- everyone was so open and so willing to consider and imagine anything. On the other hand, the city was filled with industries that preyed upon these vulnerable brains, mine included. Eventually, I had to upgrade my protective portraits to pictures of the most threatening men in existence- naked ones.

Download MP3: Looking for a King

Tags Egg Nest, Looking for a King, Los Angeles, naked men