Category: Writings

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Writings

To Love America is to Love Life

Sometimes there are issues which bang on my head until I feel compelled to say something about them, although I would prefer to be writing about something else. In general, I think of world affairs as being a man topic, so I really hope men can overcome the cultural messaging to “sit down and shut up” and instead find the balls to stand and speak against all the leftist nonsense that is happening. Even if it means taking a beating in the process.

Today I am feeling annoyed by the trendiness of anti-American sentiment. America is constantly characterized in the worst possible terms and disliking America is practically considered a sign of sophistication. Of course, much of this anti-American sentiment comes from mentally challenged Americans who believe it makes them seem cosmopolitan and righteous. But it bothers me it is because- in my opinion- it is yet another tentacle of the leftist brain octopus which is trying to align our thoughts in a way that will make it easy to rob us of our power.

Men are bad, guns are bad, America is bad. Do you see the trend? Anything that has power, anything which can protect life at a root level is being demonized. Red is bad. Pride is bad. Patriotism is bad. Those things which make us strong in the root and give us the ability to survive so we can chart a course of our own choosing are bad.

Criticizing a country as large and diverse as America is obviously an easy task. Whatever bad qualities you go looking for, you are likely to find, just as you can walk into a library and find books on your least favorite subject. But the fact remains that America is currently the largest and most powerful country which has traditionally stood against communism and this is something all freedom lovers should care about. America doesn’t matter just for itself. It is one of the forces standing between all of us and totalitarianism. If America falls to leftism, things do not look good for anyone. But if America pulls through, it helps protect the freedom of the whole world.

And there is no need to put down America. There is no competition between different countries anymore than the dandelion and the oak need to compete. We all have our unique things to offer.

But let’s not be idiots and pretend like America isn’t a critical player on the world stage. For this reason, people who value freedom should find another country to hate. People around the globe- and Americans themselves- should love America and help us to fight off the plague of leftism threatening to overtake us.

To be a friend to America is to be a friend to yourself.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Purple, Magic & Sorcerers Writings

Where is my Venus?

(Warning. This post may contain gross words.)

I am a female. I am an artiste. Why can’t I can’t relate to Venus, beautiful goddess of women and the arts? Ruler of money, comforts and social graces? Why can I only relate to Aries, god of blood and gore? Why do I turn to him when I have problems? I started wondering about this today and then vomited out the following words. I don’t know if they will shed light on the issue or not.

*

Growing up I wanted to be a boy. Or at least a tomboy. Not because I liked boy things. I didn’t. But I wanted to like boy things. I felt incredibly guilty for not reading the sports page, watching sports games or learning sports statistics. My ultimate dream was to be seen by others as someone who was obsessed with sports. My ultimate ultimate dream was to be the first female professional football player.

I wanted to be a great athlete, but was held back by my dislike for sports. They were smelly, dull, tiring, abrasive, and lacking in color.

Still, the world I grew up in was 90% sports, so even if you disliked them you were playing them anyways. Swimming, t-ball, tennis, gymnastics and ballet when you’re little and later volleyball, basketball, tennis and track. In half of these sports, being tall made up for the fact that I was spaced out and apathetic.

It wasn’t enough to just play sports though. Unless you wanted to be an absolute loser in life you needed to force yourself to do sporty things in between playing sports. Time between sports could be filled with competitive ping pong games, shooting pool, practicing freethrows or going for a bike ride. If there was a time lapse between swim practice and tennis practice, you should arrange to hit balls with a friend. Failing that hit balls against a wall or practice your serve. But do not sit there munching a grilled cheese like a lazy piece of shit.

I knew some people from public schools who would sometimes play sports in a silly way, like hitting ping pong balls against the wall and giggling. This shocked me. My husband grew up in a religion where pure thoughts & sexuality were moralized. In my world, sports were moralized. Sports and exertion. If you chose to relax when you could be playing sports, exercising or doing something strenuous, then you were a bad person. A lazy piece of shit, to be exact.

Also on my shoulders was the weight of needing to save the female species from disgrace. They were a disgrace because they were bad at sports. The superiority of men at sports was a favorite dinner conversation. My dad liked to discuss how one day my younger brothers would surpass me in sports and this filled me with dread and humiliation. I had to stop this from happening. I had to prove that females can do everything a man can do. And so from the beginning, I was at war with nature.

But the possibility of being a worthless piece of shit was not the worst part. On its own, I could have dealt with being a loser. The real problem was that if I did not become a professional football player I would have to become a regular woman. I knew I didn’t want this. Based on everything I heard they were absolutely disgusting. They used only one thing to get through life and that was “sexual wiles.” Whatever they appeared to have achieved it was those wiles that had done it. I didn’t know exactly what wiles were, but I knew they sounded gross like smooshing your body against someone else’s while wearing a silk blouse bulging with boobs.

And since I had three brothers and no sisters, I was the only one who would have to grow up and use sexual wiles. It made me feel humiliated. They would just get to grow up and be normal people. Beating me at sports until eventually my wiles took over. This sucked.


***

Fast forward to when I’m 18 and decide to legally change my first and last name. Of course I chose a man’s name. To me, a man’s name meant I would be the person I was within, not someone who played a role to please others. Males were subjects. Females objects. A man’s value came from his accomplishments. A female’s value came from what men thought of her. Unless she could beat them in sports. But I couldn’t. By this time I was just a series of injuries and could barely walk without pain. Dreams of becoming an athlete were over. Sort of.

Now I’m 19. My first boyfriend/spiritual guru/husband and Jesus have agreed. I should be a stripper. The reasoning has something to with achieving enlightenment. I agree I should do this. Why? Because it is my greatest nightmare. You must do the thing you fear. Or as my dad liked to say “That which does not kill you makes you stronger.” If you do what feels good to you, the ego wins. If you torture yourself, the ego starts to die. Then you will finally become free to fly past the Eagle in the sky and live forever. That is literally how I thought of it.

Some people see stripping as a feminine expression. Dumbasses. It is the most manly thing in the universe. No one with a feminine side goes near those places. I can only compare it to a man working up the courage to stab himself in a nut.

It is about as sexual as a man pulling down his pants to be examined by a doctor who happens to be his uncle. But I was honor bound to do it because it combined all the things I dreaded most- being on stage, dancing, acting ‘sexy’ and worst worst worst of all- not wearing clothes. I can’t really convey in words the extent to which I did not want to be without clothing. Would you like to be naked and carved up in the middle of a Thanksgiving feast? Would you like to be hog tied with your head buried in mud and your bare ass pointing towards the sky as friends walk by pointing and laughing at you? Cause that is how it felt. Disgusting but also like a horror movie. “Guts” was my name. But the disgust and the horror were why I had to do it. Only the ego has those feelings. Unless you kill the ego you will never fly past the Eagle.

This is also the time I decided to become a Professional Body Builder. This was probably a way of trying to turn my body into a suit of armor since I really didn’t want to be naked. I was not looking to become toned. I wanted to become absofreaking ginormous like those men in magazines with veins popping out of their forehead. I wanted to be a three hundred pound monster. I was convinced that if I ate enough canned chicken and spent all day at the gym, I would become just like those men. I didn’t realize this was as unlikely as becoming a professional football player. In the summer I spent all my time pumping iron and packing down protein. When I got back to school the teacher had me stand up for the class as an example of a body type that would never be able to gain muscle mass. I was confused because in my mind I already resembled those giant men.

But that one statement popped my dream. And if I couldn’t be a successful professional male body builder then I wasn’t going to be a stripper either. The two things went together.

***

Always people were breathing down on me, sculpting me. My psychology was built around finding ways to fend others off while also seeking them out for protection. But every new protector would become the one I needed protection from. Normal, healthy people probably steered clear of me, I was so weird. Or maybe I steered clear of them. To this day, I feel very uncomfortable around nice people. When people tell me I am the dumbest person they have ever met, I feel safe, like Briar Rabbit in his briar patch. When people gang up on me I feel at home. Nobody in my family liked me. I was surrounded by invisible cooties and you could see the disgust in their faces.

***


I don’t trust men who try to pretend like men and women are the same. My first husband was like this. He would wear women’s clothing and mascara. He would decorate my room with pictures of women carrying guns and knives. And naked women making weird expressions. To me they looked like men in those unnatural poses, their faces scrunched up as though (trigger warning) they were trying to take a crap. But to the males that came around they were hot and sexy women. I never knew what they were seeing.

Husband would wear my shirts and perfume. He would buy me knives whose handles were carved into skulls. He bought me swords. He gave me a stolen gun and told me to keep it in my backpack as a symbol of female empowerment. He called the cops and told them I was planning to murder someone. A man who had recently crushed my skull but whom I had no plans to murder. It is hard to explain the full extent to which murdering people was not on my mind. It really hit me from left field. The cops took me to get psychiatric evaluation. They looked at my dorm room, the walls covered in collages and posters hung there by my husband. Violence, nudity. The big black pirate flag he had hung in my window. I had thought it was funny and weird the way teenagers think it is funny to turn a sign upside down. It was better than naked women. But when you are a potential murderer these things take on a different glow. The collection of knives on my desk. It made me feel special when he bought these for me. He wanted me to be safe and powerful. At any rate, I hadn’t had much say in the way my room was decorated. Each new piece of decor was hung while I was out and then presented to me as a surprise, a gift filled with complex existential meanings which would be laboriously laid out. Usually something along the line of female empowerment or getting past the Eagle.

Aesthetically I didn’t care for his decorations but it never occurred to me to view them through the eyes of police men. Although this wasn’t the first time police had shown up in my dorm room. Once they came because there was a gigantic naked man handcuffed to the stairwell outside my door. My name was written over his naked body, presumably by my husband. He was rattling his chains and wailing my name. I don’t know why. My roommate and I were pretty scared because this was the middle of the night and we had been sleeping. But it had become normal for my husband to do weird things in the middle of the night, like pulling the fire alarm, sometimes repeatedly forcing everyone in the dorm to evacuate. It was so loud & startling & cold & then the nightmare of having to get out of bed in a panic and be around boys without real clothes or makeup on. But he said I needed to learn to go without sleep to get past the eagle.

So when a naked guy was chained to my room wailing my name it was not totally out of the ordinary. I was usually in a state of semi-horror. The cops came and I was hid from them because I didn’t want them to see me in my nightgown with no makeup. I couldn’t look at them and I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know why he was chained there and why my name was written on his body.

My husband would wear my clothes and give me his. Sheer mesh shirts from International Male that reeked of permanent b.o. He made fun of my clothes, saying I dressed like a gigantic baby. He bought me new ones. He said he needed me to be a classy elegant lady. This had something to do with existentialism and Apollo vs Dionysus. There were always very complicated explanations for things. Classy, elegant ladies wore cutaway tops. Cutaway tops were shirts which covered up one’s entire torso except for the breasts which were left bare and exposed. I said I had never seen a cutaway top and it made no sense that elegant ladies would wear these. But that is when he would start screaming. Really really loud, just like the fire alarm. I guess his pattern was to make a false or absurd statement and then start screaming until I accepted it. He especially liked to scream in public. It seemed as though the more he screamed at me in public the more our friends would come up with psychological theories as to why he was actually a good guy, just someone with problems. Which caused an ever increasing flow of kindness and generosity in his direction.

He liked to humiliate me in public. Screaming at me until I would take off clothes or dance. Taking off his clothes in a fancy restaurant. Telling me I had to say sexual things to people, including family members, or saying sexual things himself. Giving people inappropriate gifts that were supposedly from me or threatening teachers in my name. I became accustomed to living in a state of permanent humiliation. I was horrified to be associated with myself and the dark, perverted, murderous freak I was supposed to be. But this made me cling to him even tighter. He was the only one who could love me.

People say it is your fault if you are in a bad relationship because you didn’t leave. I don’t care. I don’t know what fault means anyway. There were reasons I was with him. For starters, even before him I was very confused. I remember running around outside at night screaming “Help!! I can’t see!!!” I felt there were things in my mind I couldn’t get to. I was confused as to what was real and what wasn’t. I was always looking for people who could help me make sense of things. Nothing ever made sense in my world. My parents would say things that didn’t make any sense either. They would project strange things onto me.

Even moreso I was with him due to fear. I was terrified of my parents. I still am. I preferred being escorted by cops as a potential murderer to being alone with them. And for all his faults, my husband had the virtues of being insanely brave and bold. He wasn’t afraid of anything. He would bite the head right off of a live snake knowing it was poisonous. It was insane.

I suppose my core flaw was not being an independent person. That is my core flaw to this day. Everyone is expected to be an independent person ready to handle life completely on their own at a moment’s notice. But it is hard to be independent when you can’t trust your mind to know what is real and what isn’t. The terror, the confusion & the dependence became this Bermuda triangle, each point playing off the others so there wasn’t any clear way to escape it. He was the only person willing to step into that mess.

Nothing has really changed. I am still confused, still terrified and still dependent. But I try to be a productive person to make up for my flaws. I don’t want to be a net drain on the world.

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Red, Soldiers, & Fire Writings

Aries, I love you!!!

Holy cow, if there is one thing I love in this freaking world, it has to be Aries, God of War. Just thinking about him makes me want to go insane.

Not only is he the first sign of the zodiac he is also the first principle I turn to whenever life feels dim. If not for Aries taking that first bold step into the void, no other signs would have ever be born. He is the electric current that powers the whole zodiac. You could say he is life itself. I freaking love him.

Aries is one quality (well one of 100) I always seek in people but rarely find. It isn’t that common for people to move forward boldly in a direction of their choosing. Many are pathetically addicted to being on the receiving end of life, seeing this as a form of validation. There are more people who want to be courted & pursued than people who are hungry to continuously pursue someone (or something) who is kicking them in the face. But once you make the connection to Aries and feel his fire in your heart your perspective shifts. A kick really does start to feel like a kiss. There is a reason Jesus said it is better to give than receive. Because the life force flows through the giver.

To be the actor plugs you directly into life’s current. When you act boldly upon this world, electricity from another world begins to flow into you. The receiver looks to this world for his fulfillment, while the giver receives straight from God. Connected to a higher power, it doesn’t matter how this world responds to you. The exhilaration of feeling life flow through you becomes its own reward. It is thrilling to never know what you will do next and what might pour out of you. We call this “being on fire.”

And the fire of Aries is always available to us. Aries is our ability to act independently and assertively, without outside support. By definition, he is there for us any time we choose.

No matter our situation, there is always some arena in which we can engage a little harder and become a little bolder. Always some opportunity to extend further into the unknown, filling your body with tingles. If you are low on tingles it is because you are low on Aries and no amount of external stimulation can bring that potato to life. It has to come from within. Setting aside the need for validation, for permission. Life flowing through you and making the world come alive.

I have in my mind this masculine ideal of someone who is always brave, shockingly bold, moving forward, relentless, caring what no one thinks. After discussing this with many women, Aries seems to be the archetype 90% of us dream of. A strong bold man who sweeps you off your feet despite your protests and you have no idea what is happening. You can’t think straight, your bones have turned to jelly, but still he continues.

And I have experienced this a few times, but the sad truth is that when your life consists of continuously getting swept away by outside forces you eventually turn into a vegetable. Even females need to find the fire within. Sometimes though, it doesn’t feel so much like this fire comes from within, but from someone behind you- the perfect man- filling you up with a fire from another world, giving you boldness even when you know you are a coward. The love he gives you never fades or dims, it just grows stronger the more you use it.

Ironically, the more you let the primal fire flow through you, the more you may attract things to yourself thus fulfilling the vegetal desire to be pursued. But at this point it doesn’t matter anymore because you already have all the fire you can take and it is just holding candles up to the sun.

How many times have you heard that you must love yourself before others can love you? How many have lost large chunks of their life floating around in bubble baths waiting for this to happen? Women often think of self-love as a kind of bifurcated mental state where they are both a priceless object and also the housekeeper who must tirelessly care for that priceless object. With this kind of self-love you break even at best, like preparing an elaborate dinner for one. Becoming the slave of your object self is blah. Becoming the slave of Aries is hot.

To me, self love means connecting with the fire in your heart and realizing that this fire is life itself. No man created it. No man can judge it. The fire created the whole world and everything in it. The fire bows to no one and seeks no approval.

It feels fucking exhilarating as though Prince Charming is standing right behind you blazing a hole through your heart. Life itself is the ultimate masculine principle and He has chosen you to be forever alive. Feeling him there you know how much you have to offer the world because it isn’t the form of what you give or how well crafted it may seem. You are bringing fire itself. Bringing life to life. On fire like this, it feels wonderful to be the one extending your hand because you have already received and been chosen. The fact that you are able to extend is proof that life has found you so desirable he couldn’t resist filling you up with his own energy. A slave to the ultimate man. UGH!!!!!!!!!!! That is how I feel about Aries. Like I said, he makes me go insane.

***

But wait… I need to be honest with you… there is a dark side to my love for aries… there is another side to this coin…

I tend to view life as consisting of two worlds. The physical world we can see and an invisible world of eternal spiritual powers which we can’t see. I view myself as a channel through which the powers flow, descending from that world into this one. This is an Arian view of life, in which I play the dynamic role and the world around me is the dough I act upon. Sometimes I view others as dough people. I have to ram them with my rod til I’m exhausted. Or sometimes protect myself against them. Because I realize other people can harm, but I rarely consider the possibility that they could bring something new or meaningful into my life. I have no hope of finding anything meaningful in my world other than the things I bring into it. And I’m pretty sure that perspective is fucked up.

The upside to this is being able to find meaning in my life regardless of how others treat me or feel about me, because my primary meaning is coming from relating to the invisible worlds. Consider Emily Dickinson, who spent her life writing poems but never got them published. What if she had been concerned with getting them published? Maybe she would have become frustrated & committed suicide. Not caring what the world gives to you puts you in a position of control. Things like other people, over which you have no control, don’t matter.

I guess my approach to life developed in an attempt to maintain equilibrium while feeling overpowered by those whom I could not influence. To be able to grow when normal avenues of growth seemed blocked. But viewing life solely through the lens of what you bring to the world can lead to a sort of loneliness where the only person in your life is you. Not to mention reduced survival skills since you aren’t connected enough to the people and things around you to really understand how they work. And emitting too much energy can keep other people at bay. In fact, keeping other people at arm’s length is probably why I started to emit in the first place.

One technique I learned early in life was to stream out a continuous flow of energy towards those I found threatening… to try and shower them with so many compliments, gifts and helpful observations that they would have fewer opportunities to attack. Like throwing a tiger a steady supply of meat. Love bombing I guess. I would try to fill all the space between myself and others with energy so there would be no time or space left for them to respond. This didn’t stop attacks, but did slow them a bit. It probably had the impact of attracting mostly predators and mooches as well since I was constantly throwing things at people. Money, compliments, clothes, even trading school papers when I knew mine would get higher grades. I flattered others constantly while disparaging myself, but because I paid no attention to what I was or wasn’t receiving from the world, I never really noticed the harm I was causing, nor that I was sinking deeper and deeper into a pit from which I would not be able to escape.

Now I don’t feel as much of a need to flatter, but still obsessively fill space with my own energy. When I stop doing this, it feels as though there is nothing there. I can either provoke others and be attacked or be surrounded by inert blobs of dough.

Hence the need for Libra, Aries’ polarity. The sign of relationships where giving and receiving are in a state of balance. To be Aries is to be an individual. To be Libra is to be in harmony with the world and receive the things you need from other people. I am not going to say much about Libra at this point because I don’t really understand it. I have been fairly productive for most of my life and probably earned less than a thousand dollars. Meanwhile a person with a super strong Libra says something like “What is, is.” and wins a Nobel Prize. Oil barons want to marry them. Because they understand how the world works and know how to position themselves within it for maximum gain. I guess receiving things from life is not an automatic but takes a different type of skill and knowledge, something Aries cannot understand. I want to learn this because I want to survive. And also because everything which isn’t myself is my obsession, even if I can never quite reach it.

So take my enthusiasm for Aries with a grain of salt, because despite his absolute hotness he is just one side of the coin. Without the other side you will not last long in this world.

******

*** PS. This is my usual disclaimer that in discussing Aries & Libra I am discussing the signs themselves, as forces in the universe, not those people who call themselves “an aries” or “a libra.” Personally I am a scorpio, despite identifying with aries in this post.

But we all have aries at some place in our chart and this is an area of life where we will exert ourselves with aggression. For me, aries rules my House of Creativity & Self-Expression, so this is the arena where I am willing to step out & assert myself in an independent manner. In other areas of life, not so much. Someone else, like you for example, might have Aries in their house of sex, making them an absolute freak but only behind closed doors.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia men Writings

dry words, testicles, men & things which are hard to relate to

Recently I have been feeling it is pointless to say anything in dry words (words with no music) because you can never really say what you mean and if you DID say what you meant it would be inappropriate and everyone would hate you. Consider the lyrics of any song and imagine speaking them to a person. Your life would be over instantly. But somehow when words & music combine it becomes okay to say what you really feel.

Still there is a practical limit to how many songs I am able to write so this forces me to use dry words to fill in the gap. In order to record a song, I must ask my husband has to disassemble the microphone from his computer & attach it to a different device so I can use it. Then, I have to get him to move the song from this device & put it into his computer. Then I must ask him to let me sit at his computer for a few minutes to do the sound. So basically I must make three requests of James & separate him three times from his computer in order to record one song. Each request must be carefully timed to avoid conflict. His schedule is quite odd and windows of opportunity are infrequent. Sometimes it takes days or even weeks for me to get up the nerve to ask him. If I could just write songs & post them directly it would be much easier & I would hardly need dry words at all.

There is just something about musicless words that always ends up feeling pretentious. They are so lofty & detached. I always end up getting this weird Butler feeling, as though I am impersonating Oprah. The meaning of what you are trying to say gets warped by the dryness of words and you end up seeming like an asshole.

Plus, so many social rules apply to dry words that do not apply to music. You can write a song called “Please Help Me!” and that is totally cool, but to say it in words would make you a pariah. You can express feelings, needs & desires in music when expressing them in words would make you seem like a narcissist. You just have to be very careful how you use dry words. You must never reveal to much & always follow the rules. There is really no point.

*****

Perhaps though it is the case that dry words belong to the world of men. I have really been trying to understand men these past few years, but I’m not sure I have made much progress except to realize that there is something very, very strange about them. I don’t think anyone really accounts for how differently their brains work & this is the cause of much conflict. Here is the small amount of info I have gleaned so far…

  1. They are more attuned to survival than women. Their testicles seem to be two extra brains which feed them info related to survival. It is possible that their testicles may be two separate beings altogether who feed information to their host in exchange for warmth, food and shelter.
  2. They are more attuned to status, rank, respect, & prestige than women, although they will not admit this. Hence why they believe women seek out men of high status, something which, in my opinion, is fairly uncommon for women for whom love is the ultimate attainment of life and not a means to an end.
  3. They are also very attached to their dicks & sexuality… somehow this ties into their sense of self & power at a core level.
  4. They think in blocks, which makes it easy for them to work with certain types of info but more challenging to work with others. They don’t seem, for example, to have the same access to feelings and inner states that women do.
  5. They are less trusting. Women are more geared towards dependency & caretaking while men seem geared towards independence & battle. If you ask a woman how she is feeling, she is likely to see your interest as a welcome sign of concern. A man may view this same question as a potential trap and try to choose his words carefully.

    The end result of this is that if you treat a man the way you yourself would like to be treated, he may see you as a foreign invader. In general it seems that maybe women like to be probed, while men do not.

    ***

When I was a kid my friends were mostly female. We would do creative things together. Then at some point men began to seem more interesting. But still there is a constant friction which feels like an unbridgeable gulf. Your actions are viewed through a lens of suspicion. Gestures intended to heal are batted down defensively. Words are translated through some mysterious lens leaving you with no idea of what you are supposed to have said. The culture tells you again and again that talking things out is the solution even when talk itself seems to cause all the problems.

What is the answer? If a man reads this, will he believe I have insulted men? I hope not, but based on my experience, this seems likely. Perhaps when dealing with men you must stick to facts and figures or be prepared to pay the ultimate price.

***

What if men interpret words in a more solid manner- as pronouncements on the official nature of objective reality- whereas females interpret words more as fluid & subjective expressions of feeling states?

For example, “Men are dumb” could mean “I am trying to establish a permanent belief in the group mind that men are intellectually inferior. Submit to my view, insects!” Or it could mean, “I am upset because I just had a bad experience. I wish someone cared.” Females tend speak & interpret language more through the second lens but I’m not sure men always get that. The language women use to bond, express emotion & seek caring seems to trip off wires in men which relate to power, domination & control.

Luckily, songs are automatically interpreted through this female lens- as expressions of mutable subjective states. Thus we give them a wide berth. Sometimes I wish men would give this same berth to women. To see them as songs rather than barbarian hordes. Then men wouldn’t want to be with elevator women anymore than they want to listen to elevator music.

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Sky Blue, Ether, Flags, and Fairies Writings

Aquarius: Into the Chill


(Please note, this post is about the sign Aquarius, which is always operative- to a greater or lesser degree- in all events & humans. We are ALL aquarian to some extent & are currently living in a very aquarian time- a trend that will continue in years to come. Therefore, it seems valuable for everyone to acquaint themselves with this energy whether you consider yourself “an Aquarius” or not.)*

Have you ever left family, relationships or hometown behind in order to become the person you were meant to be? If so, you have experienced the pull of Aquarius.

Aquarius is a sign of relationship, but it is our relationship to humanity as a whole- the faceless crowds, the people who have yet to be born, the aquaintances who come and go freely from our life without leaving broken hearts behind. It is the sign of all relationships which are unbinding, which leave us free to come and go, which do not restrict our individuality. It is the sign of relationships born from an abstract love of humanity, with no desire to possess the other person. Governed by benevolence but also an absence of passion.

Our intimate and familial relationships always restrict- to some extent- our ability to be free. We care about these people and try to become what they need. We merge and our identities blend. Aspects of self get rubbed down and reshaped from the friction.

Aquarius seeks relationships which will not restrict but enable an uncompromised expression of self. Online, for example, people seek out groups who share their opinions or passions, allowing them to fully express aspects of themselves in a way they cannot do around grandma. And when these virtual connections begin to chafe, they are discarded with the click of a button & replaced.

Aquarius can also mean an abstract love for humanity itself. Or even a love for abstractions, such as God, math, virtue, or the planets. These are the sort of loves that will not keep you warm at night, but will never desert you either. They give people the strength to continue when other sources of meaning have failed them.

Being the wide open field of humanity, Aquarius also brings opportunity. It is well known that developing a wide social network is one of the best ways to advance yourself in any career. Your mother may not know anyone looking to hire a clown, but *somebody* does. And by developing acquaintances in a detached, non-emotional way, it becomes quite easy for you to know the person who knows the person who wants to hire a clown and thus fulfill your childhood dream of becoming a pedophile.

Aquarius can also relate to acquiring large amounts of money with ease. Imagine someone successfully selling their product to the masses, money pouring in from all directions. Now imagine someone selling lemonade to his friends and neighbors. Not only is the second man’s audience limited, but every sale becomes a drama of sorts. People who buy his lemonade now feel he owes them one as though they were doing him a favor. Perhaps they WERE just buying it as a favor and pretty soon annoyance and resentment start to flow all around.

When a person sells to strangers on the other hand, emotional entanglements rarely enter the picture & the business is free to soar.

The downside to the lofty, detached energy of Aquarius is that it can be demotivating for some, especially females who- like cold blooded animals- tend to need the warmth of human connection to thrive. This cold, high minded energy can be the kiss of death in intimate relationships. Hence the reason that in charts it frequently forebodes divorce or perhaps a person who never gets married at all. Successful aquarian romantic relationships do exist, but they requires both individuals to prefer devotion to God over romance, to be swingers, live on separate continents, or have some other factor in place to prevent their identities from becoming overly merged & keep emotional complications to a minimum.

Sometimes Aquarius is a means to an end and not the final destination. A person breaks out of a restrictive situation & expands into the blue in order to find the place where they belong, so that they may put down roots which will last. Dating sites, for example, are Aquarian in that you can coldly sift through the humans on display, tapping or dismissing them as you wish, but the ultimate goal is to find a place where a fire can begin and the Aquarian expanse left behind.

Aquarius is a mental energy and linked to advances in science and technology, fields commonly fueled by an abstract idealism- a desire to solve the problems of humanity and make the world a better place.

Aquarian love- a heady mix of idealism & possibility- can lead to feelings of exhilaration. Still it is a cold, impersonal love, which will not set your loins on fire nor cause your heart to burst into flame. Consider, though, that heat is movement. Heat requires energy and therefore an energy source to feed upon. With romantic love, people may not even know what food their passion is feasting upon & therefore feel lost & bewildered when passion dies and love grows cold. But Aquarian love, being forever cold, needing neither food nor warmth to maintain it, lasts forever.

This is why Aquarius is known as a “fixed” sign. While it is popular nowadays to view reality as an ever changing flux, in astrology there are signs whose job it is to always change & other signs- like Aquarius- whose job it is to stay the same (hence ‘fixed.)

When we develop a love for humanity, a love for God, or even a love for virtue- these are Aquarian loves that will never abandon us or let us down. Even if we consider ourselves a warm, fiery person, it is important to have at least a slice of this cold, eternal love in our love portfolio. It can carry us through those times when when warm love- subject to destruction by the constant sway of emotions- is no where to be found.

Perhaps this is why the ancients considered Aquarius to be under the rulership of Saturn- bringer of fortitude and king of all things which time cannot decay. When we have a friend in Aquarius, we have a friend forever.

* When someone says “I am an Aquarius” they mean they were born with the sun in Aquarius. Whether or not they relate to this energy, however, depends on many factors, including the placement of the other 9 planets in their chart. At any rate, I can not stress enough that this post is about Aquarius itself- an energy which we all contain & contend with- not a particular group of people.

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Uranus in Taurus- A Money Revolution

The things which interest me most are generally too personal or obscure for public consumption. I have a second, secret blog on which I am more prolific and write about feelings, colors, planets & my experiments with these things without needing to worry if anyone else will understand.

Conversely, there are ideas which I feel would be useful to share, but are so basic in my world that it is hard to find the motivation to write about them. Uranus in Taurus is one of these things. I have been meaning to blog about it for years, but just never got up the energy to do so.

Still, in the interest of public welfare (and because I want my friends & readers to be able to cash in on the moment!) allow me to tell you a touch about Uranus in Taurus. I will make this simple for those who have no interest in astrology but would enjoy having more money.

Uranus is the planet ruling change, revolution & technological advances. When he passes through a zodiac sign, he transforms & upgrades the affairs of that sign. Old regimes get toppled. New, forward-thinking ideas step in to fill the void. Uranus is currently passing (2018-2026) through the sign of Taurus, which rules- among other things- money.

So, we could expect a financial revolution- a change in the nature of money itself- to take place during this time. And while the future is always uncertain, cryptocurrency overtaking traditional forms of money seems to be the most likely outcome.

Cryptocurrency is Uranical in many ways. Like Uranus, it is new, technological, abstract & first adopted by society’s fringes. It is unappealing to many though, because we feel we are already drowning in an overly high tech world. The last thing we want is for money to become more complex & immaterial as well.

However, despite its unromantic aura, I believe the crypto revolution will be a good thing. Uranus breaks up existing power structures. It is an egalitarian planet- making opportunity available to all. It is decentralized- a key aspect of cryptocurrencies. It is the planet of freedom & individuality- a welcome concept at a time when many are terrified by the possibility of government overreach. Cryptocurrencies represent a form of money which is more challenging for governments to control & more difficult to corrupt. The currencies now being created also have the ability to provide stable financial infrastructures (based on math) in locations where such infrastructures don’t exist.

So these years should represent both a changing of the financial guard and a golden window of opportunity for those who feel economically disenfranchised & would like to change their fate.

There are three phases to Uranus’s passage transit through Taurus.

Phase One: The relevant cryptos are now in the process of being built. A disruption to people’s quality of life makes the man on the streets more open to new solutions.

Phase Two: (Beginning April 18 2021) The most dynamic phase. A time of mass adoption & rapid changes. Cryptos battle each other & some die a brutal death.

Phase Three: (Beginning May 29, 2023) Pre-existing financial power structures begin to crumble. Meanwhile, crypto begins the process of crystallization to become a power structure of its own. It would be best to invest BEFORE phase three begins. At this point the government will be forced to come to terms with crypto- either through adoption or some other method.

***

And there is one last concept I need to throw out. While this should be its own blog post, I am feeling lazy, so will just throw it out in brief.

If- like me- you have been worried about the looming shadow of tyranny, do NOT- I repeat- ***DO NOT*** try to escape society & head off to the woods to live a primordial existence. From an astrological perspective, the war against tyranny will be lost or won on the battlefield of technology. And we need as many soldiers as possible.

This is yet another reason I am enthusiastic about cryptocurrencies, despite being a technophobe myself. The crypto community not only values individual freedom & the decentralization of power- they are actively building things which accomplish this goal. They- along with other techno warriors creating platforms to preserve privacy & freedom of speech- are the jedi knights in the fight against big tech, big government. We need to understand the great things being done in the tech arena, so we can place our collective weight behind it. Technology has the power to stop tyranny from taking hold.

So please- upgrade your technological mind for the greater good! It may be intimidating- but this is war, not a picnic. Learn the weapons of our time so you can play a role in shaping the world to come & ensuring it is a world of freedom.



P.S. Uranus is a notoriously unpredictable planet, so I do not know for sure what will happen in the coming years. Being an astrologer is much like being a weather man. You assess the sky forces (a tornado), assess the land forces (a trailer park) and just go with the most likely outcome (mass destruction.) So please understand I am just relying on astrology + common sense to describe probable outcomes. Otherwise, I have no idea what the future holds!

P.P.S. As you may know, I am starting a Cardano stake pool (AKLEI) & hope you will consider staking with me. If you take the time to learn about Cardano, I think you will be impressed by its potential to do good in this world. It is far more than just a currency. And stake pools (in the Cardano system) are basically group mining operations. This causes the system to be a zillion times more energy efficient than older cryptos such as bitcoin. Staking with me does not entail giving me any money- it only means you get a share of what my servers “mine.”

In the Cardano system, you want to stake your money with someone (since staking gives you extra coin while not costing or restricting you in any way) therefore I figure, why not with me?!?!?!?

Categories
Astrology Charleston, West Virginia Writings

Should I become a new person until spring? Or not?

Hi, I have been wanting to write in here for a while, but too confused & conflicted to know what to say. I keep writing things & deleting them because there are too many parts of myself (or possibly parts of other people) vying for control.

It is so cold, but luckily I have a space heater & as long as I sit right in front of it I am okay. This has forced me to do lots of boring things, like obsess endlessly over minor astrology transits & review relevant moments in my journals. (I have 100 million.)

One thing I have noticed from reading them is that my perceptions are uncannily accurate, but my thoughts & interpretations are absurdly offbase. I recorded all these dreams which -with the benefit of hindsight- I can see were quite literal. But my interpretations of them could not have been more absurd. I just interpreted things as meaning whatever I wanted them to mean rather than seeing what was staring right at me in the face.

Is it bad luck to tell people your dreams? I mean desire dreams. My greatest dream is to discover my own form of astrological magic. These past couple weeks it seemed as though I had done just that. I ‘tapped’ into a couple transits I was having and BAM!- I seemed to become a different person overnight. I opened a Cardano Stake pool (AKLEI- and I hope you will stake with me) and started promoting it and messaging people about it obsessively- something extremely out of character for me- but you see Pluto is currently moving through my house of money to sextile my sun & this was the transit that I tapped.

Eventually though, the change in my character became so intense I couldn’t tell if I was obsessed or possessed. Slowing down was impossible & it felt as though in a moment I had suddenly become a different person. I was waking up to watch tech videos, helping streams of friends solve their tech problems & discussing tech with my husband at night. All this started to make me wonder if was approaching magic in the wrong way. The changes were not bad per se… just weird.

But my intention had been to try to become someone else until the spring anyway, because right now life is hard & I needed a means of escape. Focusing on tech & money- for better or worse- is helpful for separating from life’s physical & emotional aspects. The physical are probably the hardest. It is just so freaking cold & I have anemia but no money for iron supplements, making it hard to do things like play guitar. I just thought if I had some way of escaping until spring then things would be easier. In spring it will be warm for starters & the price of Cardano should be on the rise, making it easier to purchase things.

In spring, I will be able to walk around. Right now it is hard to even walk around my house & I hate to stay in one place.


P.S. If you have any thoughts, please do comment or contact me. I like connecting with people more than dancing for an invisible audience.



Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Earth, Pink, Mothers, Love Writings

Trapped in Man Crust

I feel like I am trapped in a man’s body. Not my physical body, but like there is a giant man around me, a crusty man suit, which I must wear to deal with the outside world. It is so heavy. But I need to act like a man so people can understand me. Men do not understand women, in my experience. You must put everything in manguage so they can hear it. If you want to seem intelligent you must seem heavy & thick. Women can understand you regardless, but I must be a man around them as well, because women need men, and I feel responsible for taking care of them.

It would feel selfish not to be a man. Lift heavy logs, stroke egos, be boring & responsible. This is my moral programming. Above all- be crusty. My feminine self doesn’t even want to be nice to people- it would prefer people being nice to me. My man self doesn’t care how it is treated though. You can break giant logs over his head and it will not deter him from trying to care for you.

My feminine self does not understand the things people say. People seem to talk in puffy word clouds, with their words having no specific meaning. Men do this especially. They puff out words & the words have that intelligent aura, but when you try to boil them down, you cannot find anything specific they are saying at all! I don’t know how to process that.

Most of the concepts people throw around mean nothing to me- love, compassion, forgiveness, goodness, kindness, equality… what are these things? Once again, they feel like clouds, positively charged, commonly used to obscure something nasty. They evoke fear in me. When you see empty positivity, you can be certain its opposite- tangible negativity- is not far behind. Why do people blow these words around? Do people wake up in the morning thinking “Equality. Compassion. Heal the World?” Or are these concepts only used when others are listening?


I don’t understand books either, though I try. I open them to a random page, read the first sentence, and realize this will be unbearable. I can tolerate children’s books- so long as there are no morals involved- and also simple autobiographies- so long as they aren’t written by writers. I detest the puffy way writers write. I guess I have real issues regarding words.

Though I wish I could be real around people, I can’t. My real self is needy, weak, pathetic. Semi-retarded. The opposite of what anyone needs. I must be peoples Knight in Shining Armor. I must protect them and be the one to take bullets. I must lift heavy logs & then retreat back into the woods with a sporty whistle. The lesbian lumberjack. It is so lonely though. There is too much of me and too little of anyone else.

But also there is none of me and too much of everyone else.

Technically there are other people in my life but they feel… predictable. They rarely say or do anything I could not have thought of myself. I wish people were more surprising and could open doors to new realities. I wish books could do the same, but I can’t find these books.

Of course, I mostly connect with others in a mental fashion. In physical life, I bet people are surprising. Robbing banks, anal sexing their cousins…

But the mental realm tends towards dullness. It may be the average person just doesn’t have much to say beyond recirculating group mind concepts. Talk to a few people & it can feel as though you have talked to them all.

Perhaps emotional relationships are the answer. What does this mean though? I think the essence of emotion is to give of yourself. To take a risk. To make a sacrifice. There must be some transfer of bodily fluids, at least on a symbolic level, or relationships are pointless. Social media does not make this easy though. In many cases you have no idea who you are interacting with and just opening up a vein does not seem advised. In real life, exchanging fluids is now illegal since it spreads disease.

Nonetheless there is something about giving of oneself, in a meaningful way, that magically opens the door between people enabling you to see through their eyes and know things you could never have known. I am not sure if words alone can do this. I guess that is why people used to sacrifice animals to the Divine- spilling living fluid to open up a portal beyond what prayer can do.

I am glad we don’t sacrifice animals anymore, but still the principle applies. Blood, sweat, tears, something liquid must spill or else nothing truly new can ever break through into this world.








Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Politics Writings

The Productive Citizen

Under stress, when the world is not the way we would like it to be, we tend to go down one of two mistaken paths. Either we attack the world and try to force it to change without offering anything worthwhile ourselves or we withdraw and only focus only on caring for ourselves and immediate family. Neither response is appropriate, because we rely on the social fabric for our survival. To cocreate our shared world is part of who we are as humans.

And Biden’s presidency- while not welcomed by me- could have the silver lining of forcing us to stop looking for a Big Daddy to save us and instead build up the collective strengths which are our only true protection against enslavement.

So here are some ideas for how we can truly make America great again. It comes down to having populations which are strong, productive, & free-thinking while still being woven into a tight fabric. It is not enough to connect to society in a passive way. We must take an active role in building our world.

  1. Become a connector. In a sense, this is the core thread running through all the ideas. As an adult, it does not suffice* to simply be responsible for yourself & your own. We all depend on the fabric of society & must all do our share of weaving to keep this fabric strong.

    Here are a few cutesy ideas for being more connective….

    a) Talk to strangers. Practice making random small talk with people you encounter in stores and on the street. When you do this, it will start to seem normal to others & they will begin doing it as well. Soon enough, we will be living in a much warmer & well connected world.

    b) Connect more deeply on social media. If you use social media, try to use it in a more proactive way. Reach out to those you like in a more meaningful way & become friends.

    c) Eat together. Cook for people or meet for dinner at restaurants. Invite random people on the off chance you might like them. Shyness is for children. Adults have a moral obligation to be brave & step beyond themselves.

    d) Why not use the mail service to add another dimension to your social life? Write letters or send out holiday cards to friends, family & even people you met online. If you’re rich, send gifts! This would have a huge impact on people & inspire them to impact others.

    e) Form clubs. Either online or in person, form groups based on any criteria whatsoever. Shared interests, shared gender… whatever appeals to you! We are the weavers of this world & should be creative in giving birth to it.

    The key is to be the active agent in making relationships happen. Don’t fear being rejected. Life has already accepted you or you wouldn’t be alive. And if another person rejects what life has accepted then they are a fool.

  2. Become a producer and sell your goods.

    If you are so inclined, consider producing something that is commonly used by humans and selling it at a reasonable price. Not necessarily to make a living, but just as a side source of cash combined with hobby.

    Possibilities include eggs, milk, honey, corn, fruits & vegetables, meat, dishwasher safe tableware, tables & chairs, clothes, table cloths, tea towels, quilts, soap & beauty supplies. Anything which humans need and use on a regular basis.

    It is easy to imagine how much more vital our communities would feel if more of us produced these basic items & we were able to buy them from each other rather than Walmart.

  3. Create Media. The problems of a centralized media have become obvious. One solution is to begin engaging more in the creation of media ourselves. Become an independent investigative journalist. A video journalist. Start a blog. A local news site. Or even go retro and make a zine or print newsletter covering any topic which interest you.

    Once again, remember you do not have to make a living at this. If humans only engaged in activities which paid the bills, we may never have discovered electricity. One way or another we must create a grassroots citizen media.

  4. Become a tech freedom fighter. If you are a tech person, build things which enable people to connect while being free from centralized control, such as social media platforms dedicated to free speech, cryptocurrencies, etc.

  5. Get a gun, learn to shoot. Personally I find this one scary. But should communities place their self defense solely in the hands of centrally controlled organizations? Perhaps being able to defend yourself and also band together with your neighbors in defense is part of what keeps communities strong.

  6. Get involved with government. Especially at the local or state level. Local & state governments really need more power relative to the national government in order for people to feel that their voices can be heard.

  7. Create a charity.** It doesn’t need to be official. But perhaps you have noticed a little problem in the world around you. Some squirrels that seem hungry, some elderly people that seem alone. Some houses that have fallen into disrepair. We can choose to donate a bit of our time and energy to making our world a better place, no official bureaucracy required.

    So if you do see a way to be helpful, or you have some skill or resource that could benefit others, why not make a little personal hobby of improving your corner of the world in a small but concerted way?

  8. Be a shrink. This is a simple way for citizens to reclaim power. We all need someone to talk to. No one has 200 dollars to pay someone to stare at them for an hour. And why should we have to? Humans love listening to other people’s problems as much as we love having sex- it makes us feel less alone. So offer up your services as an available shrink- a listening ear- to those around you and also let them listen to you.

  9. Create culture. Break the spell of Hollywood. Humans have been creating our own culture since time began. You don’t need to go to a Justin Bieber concert filled with laser beams. You could listen to your neighbor sing. Once you readjust your settings, you might find you like it better. A play written by your aunt, a picture painted by your friends. These are the real deal. Reject the idea that arts & culture must be a part of some giant centralized machine in order to have value.

  10. Goodbye groupthink. The more we connect, the more we tend to conform. If we are selling eggs, we might just go along with whatever ideas people throw out so they will buy our eggs. But reject this. Have the courage to connect with people while remaining true to your own mind. Speak the truth as you understand it even when socially inconvenient.

    Likewise, if you use social media do not cower in the shadows of the group mind. Be brave, freethinking, independent & bold. Stand up to bullies. A society made up of clones is not really a society anymore. It is simply the borg- a singular entity. It is our job to be brave enough to stop this from happening. Be an individual so the idea of a collective truly means something.




* Obviously I realize some people are barely supporting their own & might have little energy left for weaving social fabric! Perhaps most people are stretched to capacity and the only change they could make would be a teensy one. But that is the beauty of the collective. It is so vast and so interconnected that the tiniest change by a single person can ripple out forever.

Let’s say, for example, that you set aside one evening a month to reach out to someone in need and be a listening ear, a source of support. You might be the first person to ever extend yourself to him/her in this way. Doing so could subtly- or radically- transform their sense of life and what is possible.

Now their increased sense of hope changes the way they interact with everyone around them. Which then changes how these people interact. There is no of knowing how far the impact of one caring gesture can go. It could easily touch the whole world.





** I have wanted to do charitable acts myself, but you quickly run into the problem of mooches. There are people everywhere who position themselves to be as needy as possible just so others will reach out to help them. They are frequently predatory people who drag others down in all areas of life. So you don’t really want to feed the bears.

One possibility then, is to not just support those who are needy, but those who are valuable and doing good things. These people may need help & support as well, though they probably won’t ask for it. At the very least, if you give to a giver, any surplus they receive from you is likely to be recirculated back into the wider world in a positive way.

Categories
Charleston, West Virginia Red, Soldiers, & Fire Uncategorized Writings

Hatred- the Red Flame of Glory

I just need to write a quick post in defense of a dear friend- Hatred. Just like Mr. Rogers, I am a big fan of all feelings. What are feelings really, but colors that enter our body, giving us the energy & wisdom to do what needs to be done? And what is hatred but a surge of red fire to our heart, enabling us to respond appropriately to extreme situations? To set aside our vanity, our social hangups, our desire to be pleasing and simply fight for something we care about?

Why has hatred has been so demonized? I hate hatred? Hatred has no home here? Do these people love hatred so much they are hoping to keep it all for themselves? Are they are prepping future victims to not have a swift and violent response to being attacked? Do they want men to be so impotent they won’t stand up for women? Women to be so zenned out they will walk over the murdered bodies of loved ones with a smile?

There is little chance a human will overdose on hatred. It simply consumes too much energy to be sustained over time- much like an erection. No one needs to worry that their erection will become permanent and live in their pants forever. Likewise, there is no chance that hatred will set up a permanent station in your heart. It is too combustible- flaring up under extreme circumstances and then dying down once released.

When hatred comes into your heart it should be embraced so that your red circuits can flow freely. If you try to smother it down with an extra scoop of white spirituality you will only end up with social impotence. Because a man incapable of hatred has no meaningful role to play in society. He can’t get married if he is unable to summon enough red to hate those who would threaten his wife. He can’t even stand up for his own life and can only hope that men who are capable of hatred will be in his vicinity if extreme circumstances ever arise. In essence, a man who cannot hate is a wuss.

Hatred comes to us to enliven the heart and give it courage. When you really boil it down- hatred is the flame of love, turned up so bright that it begins to hurt. You only hate when you love something so much you are willing to protect, destroy & sacrifice for it. It is a beautiful thing.