There are different types of songs I guess. This is one of those songs that you hear playing in your head which you assume will annoy people, but you write it down anyway, just in case it matters somehow. In general, I try not to judge songs too much since their meaning changes to me over time. Lots of songs which I once thought were dumb started to seem important to me in hindsight.
Hold it together & fight through the mud You will find him there. Close your eyes tightly the fingers you feel A spider through your hair.
Hands on my head will you steady me, steady me There’s too much I’ve seen. I only thought things would be wonderful I didn’t know he could be mean.
I loved a dream. I loved a dream.
Hands on my head could you steady me, steady me Show me who I am. Winds on my mind they are blowing me, blowing me Blowing me round in circles again.
Sometimes I feel like I could do so many things Running fast & far. Finding myself in another place, other place Who took me here? Who drove the car?
I loved a dream. I loved a dream.
Hands on my head could you steady me, steady me Guide me through the dark? Keep touching me til I’m ready so ready then Let my mind restart.
Scanning my eyes through another town other town Always gray and blue Searching again for the boldest man, oldest man He will be you.
Forces of air are you trying to speak to me Why do you blow on my mind? Help me to be just one person, the same person All of the time.
I have been meaning to publish this for a month but I hate dealing with images of myself so much that I always procrastinate. Hearing myself sing makes me feel weird too.
Also, things have been so strange recently that I haven’t been able to play music until today, when finally I climbed back into being myself.
2020 was a weird year for many people due to all these bad planets forming a single mega-planet in the grim sign of Capricorn. It had been a dark year for me filled with many fears, mostly relating to money, marriage, totalitarian governments and eternal boredom. When I realized a couple of these planets were about to be moving into Aquarius- breaking up this monster after a year of total darkness- I got a little carried away with celebrating & think I accidentally got possessed by something in the process.
Which is why I have spent the last month setting up my Cardano stake pool & promoting it, trying to get people to stake, helping them with technical difficulties etc. If you knew me, you would realize how completely out of character this is. I would wake up in the morning, start watching tech videos & be at it- learning and helping others- until 5 am. Suddenly it was really easy for me to learn & understand these things. I found them interesting. It was very odd considering how much I hate all things tech. I can barely bring myself to record my own songs.
Eventually though, I was so different from my regular self that I started to get worried. I was so mental- basically 100% brain. I couldn’t even relate to the idea of ever having been a musician. Plus, I couldn’t turn it off. Solving tech problems & learning from dusk till dawn. I started to feel like the girl in that fairy tale who puts on dancing shoes that make her dance until she drops dead.
So, I tried to do an intervention on myself. I took down all the Aquarian things I had hung up on my walls so they are blank pink slates again. A few days later, I am starting to go back to normal. Luckily, I seem to have retained what I learned, so maybe I can be myself AND a tech zillionaire.
As you know, dying of poverty has been one of my dominant fears over the past few years, so to have hope of a different future feels…. well, it feels like the darkness has ended. And hope is actually what Aquarius stands for.
I LOVE YOU AQUARIUS! I’M SORRY FOR ALL THE BAD THINGS I SAID ABOUT YOU IN THE PAST!! Thank you for being my friend.
Live in a sea of broken glass Pieces were shining everywhere Somebody turned to walk around Somebody watching from the stairs
Pick up the piece to find you Has this always been your face? Pick up the piece behind you Has this always been your face?
Watching the moonlight dripping down Watching the starlight spin away Everything moves around and round Never a way to make you stay
Pick up the piece to find you Has this always been your face? Pick up the piece behind you Has this always been your face?
Mirrors were broken on the ground Pick up a piece to keep me sound You leave the room and then you’re gone Watching the walls spin round & round
How can I not believe in you? You were the one man standing there Everyone knows the things you do But underneath it all you care
Swim in a sea of broken glass Throwing the rainbows on the wall Breathing so hard I have to gasp Caught in the ecstasy I fall
Pick up the piece to find you Has this always been your face? Pick up the piece behind you Has this always been your face?
(Please note, this post is about the sign Aquarius, which is always operative- to a greater or lesser degree- in all events & humans. We are ALL aquarian to some extent & are currently living in a very aquarian time- a trend that will continue in years to come. Therefore, it seems valuable for everyone to acquaint themselves with this energy whether you consider yourself “an Aquarius” or not.)*
Have you ever left family, relationships or hometown behind in order to become the person you were meant to be? If so, you have experienced the pull of Aquarius.
Aquarius is a sign of relationship, but it is our relationship to humanity as a whole- the faceless crowds, the people who have yet to be born, the aquaintances who come and go freely from our life without leaving broken hearts behind. It is the sign of all relationships which are unbinding, which leave us free to come and go, which do not restrict our individuality. It is the sign of relationships born from an abstract love of humanity, with no desire to possess the other person. Governed by benevolence but also an absence of passion.
Our intimate and familial relationships always restrict- to some extent- our ability to be free. We care about these people and try to become what they need. We merge and our identities blend. Aspects of self get rubbed down and reshaped from the friction.
Aquarius seeks relationships which will not restrict but enable an uncompromised expression of self. Online, for example, people seek out groups who share their opinions or passions, allowing them to fully express aspects of themselves in a way they cannot do around grandma. And when these virtual connections begin to chafe, they are discarded with the click of a button & replaced.
Aquarius can also mean an abstract love for humanity itself. Or even a love for abstractions, such as God, math, virtue, or the planets. These are the sort of loves that will not keep you warm at night, but will never desert you either. They give people the strength to continue when other sources of meaning have failed them.
Being the wide open field of humanity, Aquarius also brings opportunity. It is well known that developing a wide social network is one of the best ways to advance yourself in any career. Your mother may not know anyone looking to hire a clown, but *somebody* does. And by developing acquaintances in a detached, non-emotional way, it becomes quite easy for you to know the person who knows the person who wants to hire a clown and thus fulfill your childhood dream of becoming a pedophile.
Aquarius can also relate to acquiring large amounts of money with ease. Imagine someone successfully selling their product to the masses, money pouring in from all directions. Now imagine someone selling lemonade to his friends and neighbors. Not only is the second man’s audience limited, but every sale becomes a drama of sorts. People who buy his lemonade now feel he owes them one as though they were doing him a favor. Perhaps they WERE just buying it as a favor and pretty soon annoyance and resentment start to flow all around.
When a person sells to strangers on the other hand, emotional entanglements rarely enter the picture & the business is free to soar.
The downside to the lofty, detached energy of Aquarius is that it can be demotivating for some, especially females who- like cold blooded animals- tend to need the warmth of human connection to thrive. This cold, high minded energy can be the kiss of death in intimate relationships. Hence the reason that in charts it frequently forebodes divorce or perhaps a person who never gets married at all. Successful aquarian romantic relationships do exist, but they requires both individuals to prefer devotion to God over romance, to be swingers, live on separate continents, or have some other factor in place to prevent their identities from becoming overly merged & keep emotional complications to a minimum.
Sometimes Aquarius is a means to an end and not the final destination. A person breaks out of a restrictive situation & expands into the blue in order to find the place where they belong, so that they may put down roots which will last. Dating sites, for example, are Aquarian in that you can coldly sift through the humans on display, tapping or dismissing them as you wish, but the ultimate goal is to find a place where a fire can begin and the Aquarian expanse left behind.
Aquarius is a mental energy and linked to advances in science and technology, fields commonly fueled by an abstract idealism- a desire to solve the problems of humanity and make the world a better place.
Aquarian love- a heady mix of idealism & possibility- can lead to feelings of exhilaration. Still it is a cold, impersonal love, which will not set your loins on fire nor cause your heart to burst into flame. Consider, though, that heat is movement. Heat requires energy and therefore an energy source to feed upon. With romantic love, people may not even know what food their passion is feasting upon & therefore feel lost & bewildered when passion dies and love grows cold. But Aquarian love, being forever cold, needing neither food nor warmth to maintain it, lasts forever.
This is why Aquarius is known as a “fixed” sign. While it is popular nowadays to view reality as an ever changing flux, in astrology there are signs whose job it is to always change & other signs- like Aquarius- whose job it is to stay the same (hence ‘fixed.)
When we develop a love for humanity, a love for God, or even a love for virtue- these are Aquarian loves that will never abandon us or let us down. Even if we consider ourselves a warm, fiery person, it is important to have at least a slice of this cold, eternal love in our love portfolio. It can carry us through those times when when warm love- subject to destruction by the constant sway of emotions- is no where to be found.
Perhaps this is why the ancients considered Aquarius to be under the rulership of Saturn- bringer of fortitude and king of all things which time cannot decay. When we have a friend in Aquarius, we have a friend forever.
* When someone says “I am an Aquarius” they mean they were born with the sun in Aquarius. Whether or not they relate to this energy, however, depends on many factors, including the placement of the other 9 planets in their chart. At any rate, I can not stress enough that this post is about Aquarius itself- an energy which we all contain & contend with- not a particular group of people.
They say the rain will play that song again
You know the way it will go.
To feel his net within my mind again
I’ll lead the way even so.
If you’re gonna take a one time stand, then you’re a one time man
You don’t know the way
If you want to say that they were wrong when they were barely born
Save it for another day.
If you want to take the easy way and fly
First you’ll walk towards the window by my side
Water flowing through the drain and
Everything remains the same and
If you want to find the open road and go
First you’ll walk towards the window then you’ll know
Clouds are foaming in the blue and
Do you think that they’re reforming you man?
I feel the baker take her time again
Stir slow, stir slow all of the corn.
Green field appear within my mind again
Grow slow, grow slow, only born.
If you wanna take a one time stand, then you’re a one time man
You don’t know the way.
If you wanna say that they were wrong, when they were barely born
Save it for another day.
If you want to take the easy way and fly
First you’ll walk towards the window by my side
Water flowing through the drain and
Everything remains the same and
If you want to find the open road and go
First you’ll walk towards the window and you’ll know
Clouds are foaming in the blue and
Do you think that they’re reforming you man?
You know the way to pull that cold from me
Pull hard, pull hard, pull with your hand.
My hair was rope inside your hand, you see
Pull hard, pull hard see if you can.
If you wanna take a one time stand, then you’re a one time man
You don’t know the way.
If you wanna say that they were wrong, when they were barely born
Save it for another day.
If you want to take the easy way and fly
First you walk towards the window by my side
Water flowing through the drain and
Everything remains the same an
If you want to find the open road and go
First you’ll walk towards the window and you’ll know
Clouds are foaming in the blue and
Do you think that they’re reforming you man?
You came to me just like the sky
Gave me a box and it was filled with only time
Don’t wanna have to say it; don’t wanna feel the pain at all
But you know it was never there at all.
Flowing away I watch you go
I was prepared- I know the ways that life can go
Don’t wanna have to say it; don’t wanna feel the pain at all
But you know if was never there at all.
Burning me to the ground now
Scatter the dust around now
Into the wind I fly, I feel you there surrounding me.
Enter in the rains to brings me down
Luminous hands from all around
You are the sky you hold me in, you press me down, you keep me.
Reach for a life within your sky
I know that I’m a bird and I can truly fly
Don’t wanna have to say it; don’t wanna play the game at all
But you know it was never real at all.
Pushing me down upon the stones
Making me strong within the bones
It’s not a dream- I fight the mud, I dig the dirt, this is my home.
Watching all the blood flow on the ground
Luminous red within the brown
It’s not a dream- you are the sky, you press me down, you keep me.
I came to you because of need
I came to you because you’d teach me how to bleed
And I’ll be the one to say it; and I’ll be the one to take the fall
But you know it was never real at all.
I have been wearing yellow tinted glasses today, which makes it a bit easier to find words to express myself.
This is one of many songs I have written about protective spirits, the sorts that follow a person around. In this case, they are spirits of the air. They help a person to avoid danger, but if the emotional connection to them grows too strong then a feeling of detachment from life can take hold. Because they are spirits of freedom & escape. Not spirits of building a nest within this world.
Although they do provide friendship to some extent, if a person is trying to resolve loneliness, fire spirits would be a better choice. Because they warm the heart & make it easier to connect to others.
Still, I love spirits of the air. They are always around us and never far away.
Step softly now.
See their hooded eyes.
Keep us close at hand-
You may need our quick advice
But everybody’s watching you- they got a lot to say.
Just keep their words within a jar- we’ll open it one day.
After all, life was never meant to be your home.
Life was never nothing but the road you chose to take.
Step softly now.
Feel the hidden hand.
Through the bushes it extends to you
The outline of a man
Then he says hide! duck! back up against the van where he can’t see you!
Crawl over to the shadows where we’re waiting, for we may be the only ones who need you.
After all, life was never meant to be your home.
Life was never nothing but the road you chose to take.
And how do you feel now, standing on your own?
Like a column made of fire?
A feeling that you could be quite alone.
Move quickly now- don’t believe you have a friend
They just like to watch you trip and fall- they’ll push you down again.
So quickly crawl back into the alleyway where he won’t see you
Back up against the tree and we will be there- perhaps we are the only ones who need you.
After all, life was never meant to be your home.
Life was never nothing but the road you chose to take.
I have to include a random picture here for practical purposes. (Otherwise, Facebook attaches a photo I hate to my posts when I try to share them.) This is me at Blenko- a place where they make glass in West Virginia. It is one of my favorite things about the state.
Recently I have been too busy painting everything I own green to post much on here. I am always convinced there is one color who is my knight in shining armor & can make everything better and maybe it is green. I will let you know how it works out!
You came to me just like the sky
Gave me a box and it was filled with only time
Don’t wanna have to say it; don’t wanna feel the pain at all
But you know it was never there at all.
Flowing away- I watch you go
I was prepared- I know the ways that life can go
Don’t wanna have to say it; don’t wanna feel the pain at all
But you know if was never there at all.
Burning me to the ground now
Scatter the dust around now
Into the wind I fly, I feel you there surrounding me.
Enter in the rains to brings me down
Luminous hands from all around
You are the sky- you hold me in, you press me down, you keep me.
Reach for a life within your sky
I know that I’m a bird and I can truly fly
Don’t wanna have to say it; don’t wanna play the game at all
But you know it was never real at all.
Pushing me down upon the stones
Making me strong within the bones
It’s not a dream- I fight the mud, I dig the dirt, this is my home.
Watching all the blood flow on the ground
Luminous red within the brown
It’s not a dream- you are the sky, you press me down, you keep me.
I came to you because of need
I came to you because you’d teach me how to bleed
And I’ll be the one to say it, and I’ll be the one to take the fall
But you know it was never real at all.
Well, I have explained this before, but I wrote this song while living in Nashville. My rule at the time was that every single song must have “making love” in the chorus. It started because I found those words somewhat icky, which then made me strangely attracted to using them.
Regardless of how it began, once you use words enough, all of their old connotations fall away & new ones develop which are personal to you.
It’s a bright blue day, it’s a horses’ parade, It’s the very first day of spring. And the men are tip tapping to the steeple bells as they shine through a golden ring.
And the ladies are swaying and they’re dancing and playing with their hair so long and gold, But every time a pony shakes his mane I grow cold.
You offer up a ribbon for my hair; I give you a frown and a shrug. Oh what about me? I also wanted to make love.
A pole is painted in bright red stripes, A tent in stripes of blue, And the horses got pompoms in their hair and shiny saddles too.
And every lady wears a little bouquet that was picked by a little man. But my daisies are crushed beneath the pony feet into the sand.
I need to find me a mountain so I can rise high above… Oh what about me? I also wanted to make love.
You wear a great big top hat, You ride a great big horse. You got a knack for politics and muscular discourse.
You got no need for You don’t believe in prophecy. You got no use for trifles, You don’t need me.
So put away the pompoms and the polka dots. Put away the big parade. All the men dressed up like fairies, cause fairies ain’t welcome here anyway.
Small things, little things, odd things, pretty things, All the theater and display, Cause you don’t like, don’t like, really don’t like fairies anyway.
You’re going down to the valley so low, I’m gonna walk high above. Oh what about me? I also wanted to make love.
