Since James is asleep and I need someone to talk to, I have decided to spill my mind on you, my wise and invisible friend.
As I mentioned before, I used to begin each day with “ESP Journaling” which entailed drawing pictures of the colored balls that were (psychically) pelting me. Each ball represented a thought, emotion, or intention coming towards me or James from someone else.
As I started to get more traffic on my website, though, the number of balls grew and blended until eventually it just felt like a wall of fire surrounding my head. So I stopped the whole ESP journal thing because the energy felt too overwhelming to break apart. ESP is easiest when you are dealing with a small amount of information.
Today though, I decided to put on my purple necklace and ESP journal again, just for old times sake.
Let me share with you how it is done.
1. First, I scan my body to find the areas most under attack. Generally, this is my head. If, for example, I have recently posted something political on Facebook, my head will get bombarded. This has held me back from public sharing on many occasions, since balls to the head can be quite distracting, and -what is worse- draw your attention away from more vital interactions taking place lower in the body.
Other common ‘attack sites’ are the heart, stomach and sexual organs. The heart is generally linked to betrayal, affection, manipulation, and people trying to get stuff from you. Stomach attacks seem to relate to professional competition (people rarely direct these at me, but I pick up the ones sent to my husband.)
The sexual organs, unsurprisingly, link to sex. Sexual ESP is a world unto itself, and hopefully I will write about it at length in the future. For now, I will just say that it has radically transformed my view of life- and not for the better. I am still trying to dig beneath conventional understandings of sex though, to understand what the energy is all about. I feel like it is the key to something huge.
2. Next, I use my hands to determine the color of the energy and what it is doing. The color part is easy. Understanding what the color is doing, though, is more confusing and sometimes ties my brain in knots. The color can be moving towards you, away from you, hiding behind another color, slithering two ways at once through a metal tube, etc.
If, for example, someone is intentionally ignoring you, you will see a ball filled with color, but the color will be moving away from you to the far side of the ball. If someone is hiding something from you, the color will hide behind a gray field. If they are hiding something from themselves (trying to be unconscious of it) the color will hide behind a clear field.
Sometimes I will see clear fields coming from James when he doesn’t want me to ESP him. Unfortunately, the clear field only attracts my attention and then it is quite easy to peak behind it.
3. Next, I check to see who the energy is coming from. This can be obvious, if it is James or someone I am familiar with. But -to my own surprise- even when it is a stranger I can usually make out their gender, hair color, age range and body type. Still, to get this information I have to squint my eyes, which can feel uncomfortable, so I sometimes skip this step out of laziness.
Keep in mind that most of these balls are not revealing fascinating secrets, but rather mundane information. If someone argues with James on Twitter, for example, they will show up as a ball. In fact, there may even be a ball for each individual tweet. So once you do this enough, you start to lose your patience for squeezing your brain just to determine the hair color of the dude James tweeted at.
4. Finally, I see what other information I can glean from the balls. Generally, this is nothing more than the basic emotion being emitted. If- however- it is an area of fascination- relating to love or secrets for example- then I will sometimes look hard enough to see images forming in the colors.
But generally, I don’t take it this far, because there are so many balls to cover that I have to keep moving. I normally do my journal for about an hour and in that time can only cover a fraction of the balls available. Because every little thing that does or doesn’t happen in this world leaves a ball behind.
Of course, it isn’t just balls. Other things I might draw in my journal include:
Mind overlaps. This occurs when someone is thinking about you to the extent that their mind overlaps yours and you can’t think your own thoughts. I don’t know if anyone can overlap anyone else’s mind at will, or if there have to be pre-existing conditions in place.
Rectangle ghosts. I wrote about these before. It is my name for when a person’s whole energy system overlaps your body at once. I mostly experienced these when I did astrology readings for people, and it is the main reason I stopped. The good part is you can get a lot of information about a person. The bad part is being filled with thoughts, feelings and urges that make no sense and can sometimes be painful or destructive. Of course, once you realize it is just someone else’s rectangle ghost you gain some amount of control over the situation.
Poles & Barbs: Poles are used to control people and barbs are used to injure. I mostly see poles on the head and barbs at the heart.
People Balls: In addition to balls representing thoughts and emotions, there is a more stable set of balls which represent the various people in your life. These balls tend to stay in the same place and remain the same color. When they do change position or color, you know something has changed in the relationship. The balls of those you are look up to appear above your head, while the balls of those you relate to as children appear beneath the shoulders.
You will also see lines coming off these balls, which show the other people each person is connecting to. So, people with whom you have no personal relationship are still showing up in your aura, just by being connected to the same people as you. These balls and lines together look a lot like drawings of molecules.
* Okay, thanks for listening, friend. Sometimes I feel isolated- as though I am living in my own world. But now that you have read this, it is a world that we share. You are a ball in my mind, and I am a ball in yours.
Random page from ESP Journal. Generally I would do maybe 3 or 4 pages like this a day & it would still be a tiny fraction of everything I could have drawn.
Sometimes when things get X rated I switch to a code to preserve the chastity of all involved. Since I am kind of paranoid when it comes to secrets, the code doesn’t translate directly into a specific language. Sometimes I can’t even read it myself, since I change the language up over time. All names are blurred except for James’s, since he told me not to. He thinks I should be more transparent & less secretive.
Recently, I haven’t been feeling like myself. This could be from spending too much time on Facebook where you don’t get treated like yourself, but more as a dumping bin for people’s unwanted emotions.
The reason I was on Facebook, though, was because I couldn’t move for a while due to a kidney infection. And so I’ve been taking antibiotics which might also be causing me to feel strange as the bacteria I have loved and relied upon die off around me.
Last night in a dream, I was attacked by two men. A third one came up to save me, but it turned out he was a friend of the bad guys and stuffed me into their black van.
My life feels upside down. I live in a large historic house which requires money and care, but my husband’s job is building a cryptocurrency trading site that pays nothing. Nor does he want me to work, since he prefers I spend my time on music & other shadowy interests. So, financially, there is not just a paucity but a growing vacuum, with no sign of change in sight.
Psychically, I feel depleted because my husband sleeps through the day and works through the night, meaning I rarely see him. Lacking transportation or friends in this city, I rarely see anyone else either. I can make friends online, but there I am just a replaceable commodity. People are friends so long as political ideas align, but the second ideas diverge it is over. And still it is essential to talk about politics, because it is the only thing online people are passionate about.
And then I do astrology readings, which makes me feel both connected and depleted at the same time. I don’t charge for them, because it is easier that way. I learn a lot from looking at people’s charts and I enjoy it. If I turned this into a business, it would limit the number of charts I could see. Nonetheless this creates a void situation. Psychic energy going out, psychic energy not coming back in.
It feels like my whole life is a void, one that I must fill with my own energy. But sometimes this becomes exhausting and I don’t want to entertain myself anymore. I want the world to take me for a ride.
So, as usual, I have devised an impractical solution. Unless you have a lot of patience, you should probably stop reading now, since this may be difficult to explain…
Basically, I don’t believe all humans live in the same reality. In the USA, we believe we are living in a scientific world, and things generally appear that way. But that is not how all humans experience things.
The different realities a human can inhabit correspond to the different climates and ecosystems of the earth. For example, as you move closer to the equator and heat increases, the objective grid of reality starts to melt. Scientific laws become more mutable.
Likewise, in places with dense plant life, more energy starts to come in from an alternate reality which I call “the other world” for lack of anything better to call it. This ‘other world’ is not a scientific one, but more closely adheres to the laws of dreams & imagination. Anything conceivable can be.
Water and humidity also create a more fluid and malleable reality than dryness. Hence, why our Judeo-Christian religions- in which spirituality depends upon restraint and holding fixed beliefs- come from the desert.
Therefore, in a tropical rainforest, science is at its weakest and magic at its strongest. In a northern climate (less sun, drier air, sparser plant life) rationality is at its zenith.
Higher powers, of course, can still come into play in Northern climates, but they will play by the rules, maintaining the perception that a person lives within a fixed objective reality and not a swirling dreamlike one.
None of this means that location determines reality. Humans learn from nature for the purpose of re-sculpting it. Ecosystems are patterns. A northerner who felt their soul was dying could emulate the patterns of the south. A southerner who felt their brain was melting could emulate the patterns of the north. (Generally, northern patterns suppress the heart and enliven the brain, while southern patterns do the reverse.)
So, back to my own life. I am going to try to bring in more energy from the South- the tropical rainforest to be exact. Because in a rainforest, there are no voids. Voids belong to the north and to deserts. In the rainforest, energy is so plentiful, you are constantly beating it back with a stick.
But why am I even sharing this with you- my faceless, invisible readers? Normally, I prefer to keep my inner world safely hidden. But this is yet another experiment I am trying. I am going to imagine you, reader, as a wise and loving friend, someone who truly understands me. Perhaps I will pretend your name is Brad.* You are a perceptive and open-minded man with intense interest in everything I have to say. I love you, Brad.
* I might rethink that name. We will see.
Slippers & nature. Two forever friends. Plus, a very strained smile since we are so near the edge of a cliff, and Slippers loves to pull and is way stronger than me.
A song about a pedophile who meets a man wearing a red t-shirt and jeans. The man with the red t-shirt and jeans also wears a crown. Sometimes I wonder if this man is Jesus, but I don’t know. It is definitely possible that nowadays Jesus wears a t-shirt and jeans rather than appearing to people in robes. On the other hand, there may be a large number of humanoid beings who interface with us on a divine level. I don’t know.
As to why this song is about a pedophile, rather than a beautiful sunset shared with friends, read here.
Trees and birds, sky of blue Flying high- I saw him fly too.
With a crown placed upon him like the sun And it shined- I had to cover up my eyes Does he know? Has he seen the things I’ve done?
Clutching to a bottle It was filled with something purple I could not control the thoughts that Danced like monkeys in my head.
Then a man approached me There was blood upon his fingers and He led me to a doorway where He pointed to a bed.
But now you’re here. You stand beside me like a brother In your red t-shirt and jeans. But your crown shines so brightly that it’s burning up my eyes… Have you seen the things I’ve seen?
Were you at the at the orgy It was filled with naked children They were dancing in a circle Just like monkeys in a cave
Looking at my hands again I can’t stop them from shaking I don’t want to close my eyes and see The shadow of a grave.
Were you there when I drank the rainbow bottle? Did you watch me drag my feet across the floor? Could you see the drugs were swirling up my mind? It wasn’t me, the man who opened up that door.
You put your arm around me now I’m squinting in the sunlight and You lift the crown from your head and You lay it onto mine.
Every little memory is coming back with clarity Burning like an acid through the hollers of my mind.
And I’ll fall because i cannot stop from shaking And I’ll clutch like a monkey at your knees And I’ll burn because I know I was mistaken And yet still I walked to touch the rainbow tree.
Fluffy clouds, sky of blue Save this man- I am your son too.
If you are bewildered by the social crazes of recent years- the obsession with sensitivity, the glorification of victimhood, the insistence on compassion even when it is self defeating- you might be happy to know that this state of affairs is the temporary result of the planet Neptune passing through the constellation of Pisces.
Pisces rules sensitivity, weakness, victimhood, and all things of a new age and spiritual nature. It is an idealistic sign that glorifies the sacrifice of self for the greater good. It values emotion over thought, imagination over reality, feminine over masculine, and passive over active. It rules sleep, death, meditation, isolation.
Neptune signifies, among other things, our collective ideals. It can cause us to glamorize things to such an extent that we become out of touch with reality. It takes Neptune 14 years to pass through each sign of the zodiac, and during that time the values of that sign will tend to be glorified in our culture.
So Neptune’s transit through Pisces will coincide with idealizing the subjective, imaginary, and emotional world that Pisces represents.
Some manifestations of Neptune in Pisces include:
Safe spaces & trigger warnings. The importance of feelings and subjective states becomes over-emphasized.
Caitlyn Jenner, Chelsea Manning. They ARE women so long as they say they are. Pisces represents the end of objective reality.
Bernie Sanders. Pisces rules the collective and the dissolution of the individual. The sacrifice of the self for the group. Equality is good. Selfishness is bad.
Colin Kaepernick. The NFL kneeling during the national anthem. The worship of Canada, Scandinavia, and foreign countries in general. Patriotism is bad. Other countries are good. (Pisces rules faraway lands and a longing for Other Places.)
The push to legalize doctor assisted suicide. Pisces rules suicide and death. Life is a dream, a choice, not an absolute value.
The legalization of marijuana. Pisces rules drugs in general, since they enable the escape from objective reality, or at least blur its edges. In addition, marijuana places people in a Piscean stae of mind where ambition is lessened and sensitivity to the artistic and subjective is increased.
Toxic-masculinity, man-splaining, the patriarchy, rape culture and other ideas that seek to de-masculinize our culture. Pisces is a passive, feminine sign which has no need for masculine force and striving.
Black Lives Matter, Gay Parades, #MeToo, #TimesUp. Victimhood is destigmatized and turned into the new status symbol. (Pisces rules victims.) Mental illness (also ruled by Pisces) is destigmatized & turned into a social accessory.
The hatred of weapons, police, government, hunting, oil companies, etc. Just because we eat meat, drive cars, and expect to be protected from bad guys doesn’t mean we are alright with animals being killed, cops wielding authority, or pipelines being built. Pisces likes its comforts, but is dissociated from the practical realities that underlie them.
The rise of yoga, meditation, self-care, journaling etc. Pisces rules emotional healing at its best, comatose navel gazing at its worst.
Bad= Masculinity, judgment, law and order, duty, objectivity, patriotism, competition, ambition, discipline, police, military, government, weapons, rules, responsibility, guns, authority, selfishness, aggression, materialism, individualism, responsibility, greed, Donald Trump.
Although the extremes of this Neptune transit can be both hilarious and frightening, it is also the case that this time represents an important course correction for us as a group, where the value of things which may have been scorned and suppressed in the past are once again brought into focus. We become more willing to confront our pain and insanity, and to recognize the value of our subjective inner world. We learn to blame those who have hurt us, rather than internalizing their assaults as shame. The ultimate purpose of Pisces is the healing of our inner selves so that emotional pain can finally be set aside and life begin anew.
So you may as well take this opportunity to throw a pity party for yourself, because in 2025 Neptune will enter the sign of Aries, a hotheaded, fiery and masculine sign with no regard for the feelings and needs of others. A pioneering spirit will overtake America once again, and those who are weak will not even be mocked, just thoughtlessly trampled underfoot.
5 bright stars that I’ve never seen before
Step by step walking on the checkerboard
You know, some things get easier with time
Blood flows much easier when I know the blood is mine.
5 dark knights sleeping underneath the skies
Toss and turn, thinking of the way you died
I can’t describe what is left of me more delicate than a lace
Hold me in your hand then let me slip into the wind and watch
Me fly.
Sometimes the sky is filled with eyes.
5 small boys I saw them inside my dream
Step by step but the checkerboard was green
You know, they never cried they were a bubble in the air
Flying in the wind they never knew that you were there
All of the time.
They were oblivious to the feeling of your eyes.
Step by step walking to the rabbit hole
And there I will forget, fall into a black so fine
That you were there with me when every wind
Was filled with time.
We were oblivious to the feeling of their eyes.
Why is the wind so cold? Shiver and shake, then shut the door… I don’t need friends like that much anymore. Why is the sun so silver, shining in the sky like a dime? I must have lost track of the time.
Where did I put my glasses? Knocking the jars down with my hand Spilling the corn meal and the sand. Three legged stool, I think I’ll sit down on you just for a while… Head in my hands, I’m crying now.
Time. Sky. There must be somewhere nice where all the birds go when they fly. Space. Darkness falls casting its purple on my face.
Where is my cane, again? Oh, I see it leaning by the door. Perhaps the two of us will go explore. Just take a walk and let the wind try to hurt us as it will… Friends that can bleed but cannot kill.
Time. Pain. Blood dripping in the mason jar- but not in vain. Need. Planting us painfully with a golden seed.
And when the moon comes up we’ll capture it silver in our eyes… Just a man and his cane walking side by side. And when the moon comes up we’ll follow the silver it unrolls… Just a man and his cane going for a stroll.
Cloud at my door, come in, come in.
Where have you wandered, my friend, my friend?
I have grown weary, I have grown tired;
Every day get up and start a new fire.
But what bothers me most is this feeling I get
That my life is a story that’s already writ;
And that faith has no magic except to forgive-
And if Ben isn’t real, then I don’t wanna live.
See you next Sunday, let me open the door
And you’ll walk down the cobblestone path like before-
Just a fluffy white cloud, one who never asks why,
You just wobble a bit then you climb to the sky.
But what bothers me most is that when you are gone
I stare hard at my hands and tell them to keep on,
Cause you gotta keep grinding and keep with the toil
Because life is just this; it is not something more.
Too tired to struggle, too bitter to give-
And if Ben isn’t real, then I don’t wanna live.
I watch you flying; I watch how you soar.
I know you are a cloud, you are not something more.
And the sky is a flag- something flat, something blue;
And yet you are my friend and I’m a friend to you.
But when I close my eyes all the blue grows so deep
That it drowns me in currents too wavy to sleep;
And I need to decide if the water’s a dream
Or if there’s still a chance life is not what it seems.
Caught between hard things and things elusive-
But if Ben isn’t real, then I don’t wanna to live.
