Category: Blue, Black, Silver, Water, Moons, Death & Ghosts
There are 3 stages a person passes through on the road to spiritual glory.
- The White Stage: At this stage, a person develops discipline and character by following rules & seeking to please an authority figure. This could be a child obeying a parent, a student obeying a teacher, a Christian obeying God, etc.
- The Black Stage: At this stage, a person is thrust into the battle of life. Following rules and pleasing authority figures will no longer ensure a victory. People are forced to step outside moral codes and do what nature demands to survive.
- The Gold Stage: If a person makes it through the black and the white, they will reach the gold stage and wear the crown of wisdom. To wear this crown, a person must be both powerful & benevolent and know how to balance the ideals of heaven with the realities of earth.
This song is about the second stage, the black stage- the world of knights.
Lyrics & more…
This man was sure that the end wasn’t coming but
still he’d take a look.
He knew the ways of the men and their holidays
things read in a book
Opened his door and he stood on the precipice
gazing at the sky.
He saw the clouds they were shaped like the animals
things that had to die.
Say goodbye. No.
You will cry, even so.
We only wanted the same things that humans do
We only wanted the same things that humans do, now.
All of the clouds and the sun and the scenery
things that once seemed real.
All of the love and the words and the promises
things that people feel.
Shadows of animals seen on the wallpaper
things that once had light.
Sounds of the people who don’t each other well
fucking through the night.
Say goodbye. No.
You will cry, even so.
We only wanted the same things that humans do.
We only wanted the same things that humans do, now.
This man he knew that he couldn’t communicate
knowledge he had gained.
He carved a picture into a black walnut tree
fallen by the rain.
He said goodbye to the clouds and the scenery-
You, my friends, were right.
He hung himself on the branch of a walnut tree
Hidden by the night.
Say goodbye. No.
You will cry, even so.
We only wanted the same things that humans do
He only wanted the same things that humans do, now.
Dowload Mp3: The Same Things That Humans Do
This man was sure that the end wasn’t coming but
still he’d take a look.
He knew the ways of the men and their holidays
things read in a book
Opened his door and he stood on the precipice
gazing at the sky.
He saw the clouds they were shaped like the animals
things that had to die.
Say goodbye. No.
You will cry, even so.
We only wanted the same things that humans do
We only wanted the same things that humans do, now.
All of the clouds and the sun and the scenery
things that once seemed real.
All of the love and the words and the promises
things that people feel.
Shadows of animals seen on the wallpaper
things that once had light.
Sounds of the people who don’t each other well
fucking through the night.
Say goodbye. No.
You will cry, even so.
We only wanted the same things that humans do.
We only wanted the same things that humans do, now.
This man he knew that he couldn’t communicate
knowledge he had gained.
He carved a picture into a black walnut tree
fallen by the rain.
He said goodbye to the clouds and the scenery-
You, my friends, were right.
He hung himself on the branch of a walnut tree
Hidden by the night.
Say goodbye. No.
You will cry, even so.
We only wanted the same things that humans do
He only wanted the same things that humans do, now.
Stars that watch me from above
Stars that watch from within dreams
Everything I knew of love
Turned much darker than it seemed.
Oh God those stars around my head I let him
Lead me to a bed just like a golden flame, golden flame.
Fumble with my hands, I need something to help me
Stand so I can hold myself to the blade.
I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.
Things that happen in the dark
In the alley down below
Where you’re not supposed to be
Where the good men never go .
But I must find the kitchen sink I need to have another
Drink this is no time to cry, time to cry.
Angels in the air we’ll gather for another
Prayer and then we’ll say goodbye, say goodbye.
I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.
I read the book line by line
Men like women but not all the time
Because women travel in the dark
Women have no friends at all
We just take our greasy hands
Lay them right against the wall.
I saw a man upon the hill he tapped his hat to me
I smiled and that was my mistake, my mistake.
Angels can you stay I’ll need someone to
Pray upon my bones when they break, when they break.
I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.
I only ever wanted someone who could feel me
Someone I could follow from behind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.
Download MP3: Anything Like Free
Well, I didn’t have anyone who could hold a phone for me to take a video, so I had to try another way.
I don’t know what to say about this song so I will just put the lyrics below.
Hope you are doing well.
Stars that watch me from above
Stars that watch from within dreams
Everything I knew of love
Turned much darker than it seemed.
Oh God those stars around my head I let him
Lead me to a bed just like a golden flame, golden flame.
Fumble with my hands, I need something to help me
Stand so I can hold myself to the blade.
I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.
Things that happen in the dark
In the alley down below
Where you’re not supposed to be
Where the good men never go .
But I must find the kitchen sink I need to have another
Drink this is no time to cry, time to cry.
Angels in the air we’ll gather for another
Prayer and then we’ll say goodbye, say goodbye.
I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.
I read the book line by line
Men like women but not all the time
Because women travel in the dark
Women have no friends at all
We just take our greasy hands
Lay them right against the wall.
I saw a man upon the hill he tapped his hat to me
I smiled and that was my mistake, my mistake.
Angels can you stay I’ll need someone to
Pray upon my bones when they break, when they break.
I never wanted to be anything like free
I only wanted something kind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.
I only ever wanted someone who could feel me
Someone I could follow from behind
But when you took me by the wrist that is the time I changed my mind.
Trying to take a video with my telephone.
This song is called “Old Guitar” which is strange because I hate songs that mention guitars in them. It is creepy- like a painting of a paint brush. I don’t trust artists that are so into art that they actually write songs about it. It feels masturbatory when artists set art too high on a pedestal. If artists are going to worship anyone, it should be the people who make it possible for them to pursue lacy ephemeral things- people like lumberjacks, soldiers, carpenters, farmers, moms etc. It is only thanks to these practical people that the ones like me can exist.*
Also, I sort of believe that- as much as possible- artist should try to be soldiers & lumberjacks themselves, not just sit around fingering a guitar all day. Otherwise, they are like cut flowers that don’t have much to draw upon.
Recently, my life has fallen into such a hyper-mundane phase that it is hard to say anything about it. Setting the tone for a day of laziness and apathy, is my morning ritual of writing in my “ESP” journal, in which I write down some of the colors & shapes that are floating in the air around me- along with my best guess at their meaning- until I get too exhausted & find myself scrolling through facebook instead. I have been doing this for a few months now and am on my 4th notebook.
Aside from a couple things I learned “from the ethers” which sent me into a state of shock that has taken me about 2 months to recover, the funny thing about my ESP journal is how hyper-mundane it is. No mystic secrets of the pyramids, but an endless stream of details mostly about my husband’s life and business transactions. Why that? Why not winning lottery numbers or perhaps useful information pertaining to my own life? I don’t know. I guess I haven’t yet learned how to adjust the frequency of my antennae.
One rule of ESP seems to be- the more a person wants to keep something hidden or even push it out of their own mind, the more it shows up highlighted and spotlighted in the invisible realms. Same with lies. It is as though there is a siren and a strobe light attached to them. Which has made me incredibly annoying to my husband, like a nightmare wife. Whatever little details of his day he would most like to forget, whatever tiny thorns are lodged in his side, are the first things to show up in my pictures.
The unrelenting trivia of it and the fact that most of the trivia is related to other people (usually husband, but not always), does leave my wondering what the point is. (Yeah, I was drinking straight lemon juice, SO WHAT!?!)
And since I was too in shock, for a while, to follow my normal routines, I have also spent a lot of time indulging in languid and miscellaneous interests, usually involving either planets or colors. One day, for example, I lay in front of a green lamp to see what would happen. Being a practical sort of person, I hoped it would make me rich. Instead, it overstimulated my brain so much that it was impossible to sleep that night. In the place of sleep were red lights which flashed inside my body, each one lighting up a horrible image of catastrophes that could befall either myself or a loved one. I became painfully aware of how little I was doing in real life to stop these bad things from happening. I swore to myself that from then on, I would be a different person, living by the book, and dutifully following the advice of experts in every field. When morning finally came, though, my limbs were so weak I could barely move. By the time I regained my strength, the feeling of eminent death and disaster had faded, so I ate 2 king sized bags of M&Ms to celebrate & let my dog have her favorite dinner- spaghetti.
Stars shine like mesmerizing, reaching their hands to me
False my man, you shouldn’t taken a stand if you wanted to be that free.
Shadows stretch themselves before me, won’t let me say no
Like a trail of women they will follow you where you go.
Night is long
Filled with something strong.
And when you walk away, you thought no one would realize
What is the sky made of? It’s made of eyes.
Star shine like mesmerizing, filling my heart with black
Though I travel here and there in the daylight I come back.
Shadows stretch out in the sand, I watch their bright eyes shine
Travels through the desert are just travels through the mind.
Time is long
Leaves you wanting something wrong.
And when you walk away, you thought no one would realize
What is the sky made of? It’s made of eyes.
Swords through hearts, black blood pours
Catches stars, seeps through doors.
Eyes fill the shadows stretched so languid on the dunes
Look away, my man, you shouldn’t reach that land too soon.
Cause if you walk away, you know that you will realize
What is the sky made of? It’s made of eyes.
Download MP3: What is the sky made of?
This song, which I wrote around a month ago, turned out to be prescient, since the following weeks have been spent uncovering secrets and sitting around crying because of them. Oh well. At any rate, I am now left with the feeling that I don’t want to be me anymore. At least not the suffocating me I have grown accustomed to. All I really want out of life is to live on the beach in a tiny pink shack and do psychic readings for people. And have enough money to buy t-shirts, scented soaps, and fish sandwiches. And to be able to swim through the ocean every day with my eyes open.
Would I want to do music? Maybe… I don’t know. Some parts I don’t like, like having to record it and upload it to a website. The process is straightforward and takes very little time, but still I seem to dread it. I am a technophobe, maybe. Plus, it is lonely, but the alternative is to sing and dance on a stage with people watching and that has a hollow feeling as well. Maybe I just don’t feel the need to share anything of myself with the world in the first place. What is the world but a big hollow ball? Why did I ever decide to “express myself” to begin with? I can’t remember what the point was…
When it comes to gold and kings
When it comes to killing things
When it comes to what we know
Stairs that lead us down below
Nightfall, falling away
Nightfall, come and play
Nightfall, will you help us slide
into the place where secrets hide?
All along, we travelled through a star encrusted sky
But did you ever know he watched you fly?
When it comes to giving things
and the happiness it brings
When to bravery and pride
Ribbons on our horses tied
Nightfall, falling away
Nightfall, come and play
Nightfall, will you watch us ride
into the place where secrets hide?
All along, we travelled through a star encrusted sky
But did you ever know he watched you fly?
When it comes to time and space
We remain in the same place
When it comes to killing me
Lift the knife and you will see
Nightfall, tumbling bone
Nightfall, velvet home
Nightfall, bury us inside
to reach the place where secrets hide.
All along, we travelled through a star encrusted sky
But did you ever know he watched you fly?
Download: Nightfall