Hold my head in my hands and I struggle to think
I cannot understand, I can never be sure
Though I struggle to stand, still I have one more drink
Then I follow the hand that will open the door
And he will be there for sure.
In the blue of your room where you fall over me
I begin to forget when you hover above
Till our minds overlap, like a bubble I break
Spilling into your hand, dripping down on the rug
And we will live for love.
Change me. Change me.
You could teach me the things that you know
You could give me the money that you’ve made
Lay your hands on my fingers let me know
All the things that you want for me to say.
As long as you will stay
I tried so hard to pray, but they didn’t respond
They just fluttered away, so I reached for a pill
Till the waves came to crash, cold and aquamarine
I swore I would obey, I would follow your will
As long as you love me still.
Change me. Change me.
You will teach me the things that you know
You will give me the money that you’ve made
I don’t know where the things with wings they go
Why the sound of a scream they flow away…
And so I will stay.
I remained in the bath till you pulled me beneath
Till you pulled at my hair but I didn’t resist
I could feel you around blending into the air
Looking aquamarine and I gave you my wrist
And we will live for this.
Change me. Change me.
I remained in the bath till you pulled me beneath
Till you pulled at my hair but I didn’t resist
I could feel you around, blending into the air
Looking aquamarine and I gave you my wrist.
I could see in your mind, it was just like a dream
All the things that were gone and those that stayed
But I stayed there to long and I struggled breath
But we always knew there’d be a price to pay.
I am still in a mute phase where I have nothing to say, but am forcing myself to write one quick paragraph anyway. It is funny, because I can write endlessly on Facebook but that is because I am simply responding to a sea of people and not having to pull anything from within myself. Left to my own devices, I am clear and flavorless jelly, I think.
Drag me cross the floor Tell me that I’m dead Music fills my ears Lightning fills my head and it’s like ah….You’ve been there all along.
Push me on the ground Pick me up again Push me down and laugh at me You don’t know who I am and it’s like ah…. I’ve been here all along.
And now I’m standing in a night so clear The air so still The stars so near It’s like I’ve reached the gleaming atmosphere.
Staring at the wall Water in my hand No one there to hold me and I don’t know who I am And it’s like ah… I’ve been here all along
Dreams that slip away from you somehow when I didn’t know how To hold onto the bottle for myself. Dreams that lead the way for your somehow when I didn’t know how To follow down the glassy road myself.
Pull me to the stairs Hold me in your hands Who knows what you’ll do this time or where the dice will land And it’s like ah… we’ve been here all along.
And now I’m standing in a world so blue A sphere so far away from you
A stream that leads me down so low There is no me I flow and flow
A world so far away and clear The music plays, the stars are near It’s like I’ve reached the gleaming atmosphere.
Meeting the perfect, ultimate man at the mall… but this was from a few months ago when malls were still allowed to be open. 🙁
I haven’t been able to write much recently, because something has made me non-verbal. I am worried about what is going on with the government & the worldwide response to corona virus which seems blown so far out of proportion from our normal responses to disease and death, that it is hard not to fear something nefarious is going on.
I also feel distressed that some seem to revel in the shutdowns. I suppose my faith in humanity tends to wax and wane and right now it is at a waning point. During the waning times, it is harder to speak, because what is the point in speaking if there are no sincere people to hear you?
I was expecting things to grow darker this spring as Neptune moved into the third and darkest phase of Pisces. In the second phase, which we have been living through for the past 4-5 years, the public grows infantile & self-serving, emotional & out of touch with reality. The good part is that it is a time when people are too lazy & pathetic to do much damage.
But in the third phase of Pisces, that changes. Now Pisces begins to pick up force and momentum, yet it is still insane, like a person whose body has woken up while their mind remains dreaming. The last time Neptune passed through Pisces’s third phase was when the civil war began.
So it is hard for me to look at what is happening, the words which don’t make since, the explanations which always morph and never add up, without fearing that something scary could be afoot.
Perhaps though, this is simply Neptune in Pisces’ third phase playing its tricks on my mind. Neptune colors our perceptions of life and in its third phase can fill us with irrational fear. Perhaps that is why it is so easy for people to be respond to corona virus with a level of horror they have never shown for far more dangerous diseases.
Anyway, let’s hope for the best and that we soon return to the old ways. Let’s hope this does not result in a permanent restriction of our freedoms. Let’s hope it never dampens our desire to mix and get dirty with other humans.
Here are the lyrics:
When I don’t listen you hold a pillow over my face til I do. That’s why I don’t think you will ever love me now- you’ll find somebody new.
And I swear I wouldn’t care so long as you felt it was wrong to just grab me by the neck and throw me up against a wall but when i ask you bout it you tell me that you don’t want to pop but the crying noise just has to stop.
Sometimes I close my eyes and see a world that’s black with men as white as stars. Just like a globe that I could shake and shake each time that things have gone too far.
Something I could hold just like a globe inside my hands So I shake it and I shake it- oh look here comes a man But he is trapped inside the globe- he’s only one inch high There is no place to run and hide.
Give it just a little more time. This may only be in your mind. There’s no way to say what is real and what is make believe you know. Look at all the stars in the sky, girl. You could find a way to get high, girl. You could fly away into a state of ecstasy and glee you know.
I know I will stay. Life- lay your hand on me and guide me on my way.
I stay up late at night and make a list of ways to make you love me more. I know it won’t succeed cause men they only love the ones they’re fighting for.
And I’d do anything on earth if you would fall in love with me But there are things I can’t control, I don’t know what you want to see. The only thing I know for sure is that you like to be alone But either way, you are my home.
Please realize that if Slippers looks round it is because I recently discovered she has been breaking into the food bag to feast every time we leave the house. She lives for food, whereas Patton has to be coaxed into eating.
Also please realize there are bits of paper everywhere because Patton is in a phase where he shreds paper at every opportunity. Thank you.
Drag me cross the floor
Tell me that I’m dead
Music fills my ears
Lightning fills my head and it’s like ah….You’ve been there all along.
Push me on the ground
Pick me up again
Push me down and laugh at me
You don’t know who I am and it’s like ah…. I’ve been here all along.
And now I’m standing in a night so clear
The air so still
The stars so near
It’s like I’ve reached the gleaming atmosphere.
Staring at the wall
Water in my hand
No one there to hold me and I don’t know who I am
And it’s like ah… I’ve been here all along
Dreams that slip away from you somehow when I didn’t know how
To hold onto the bottle for myself.
Dreams that lead the way for your somehow when I didn’t know how
To follow down the glassy road myself.
Pull me to the stairs
Hold me in your hands
Who knows what you’ll do this time or where the dice will land
And it’s like ah… we’ve been here all along.
And now I’m standing in a world so blue
A sphere so far away from you
A stream that leads me down so low
There is no me I flow and flow
A world so far away and clear
The music plays, the stars are near
It’s like I’ve reached the gleaming atmosphere.
Hold my head in my hands and I struggle to think
I cannot understand, I can never be sure
Though I struggle to stand, still I have one more drink
Then I follow the hand that will open the door
And he will be there for sure.
In the blue of your room where you fall over me
I begin to forget when you hover above
Till our minds overlap, like a bubble I break
Spilling into your hand, dripping down on the rug
And we will live for love.
Change me. Change me.
You could teach me the things that you know
You could give me the money that you’ve made
Lay your hands on my fingers let me know
All the things that you want for me to say.
As long as you will stay
I tried so hard to pray, but they didn’t respond
They just fluttered away, so I reached for a pill
Till the waves came to crash, cold and aquamarine
I swore I would obey, I would follow your will
As long as you love me still.
Change me. Change me.
You will teach me the things that you know
You will give me the money that you’ve made
I don’t know where the things with wings they go
Why the sound of a scream they flow away…
And so I will stay.
I remained in the bath till you pulled me beneath
Till you pulled at my hair but I didn’t resist
I could feel you around blending into the air
Looking aquamarine and I gave you my wrist
And we will live for this.
Change me. Change me.
I remained in the bath till you pulled me beneath
Till you pulled at my hair but I didn’t resist
I could feel you around, blending into the air
Looking aquamarine and I gave you my wrist.
I could see in your mind, it was just like a dream
All the things that were gone and those that stayed
But I stayed there too long and I struggled to breath
But we always knew there’d be a price to pay.
When I don’t listen you hold a pillow over my face til I do.
That’s why I don’t think you will ever love me now- you’ll find somebody new.
And I swear I wouldn’t care so long as you felt it was wrong
to just grab me by the neck and throw me up against a wall
but when i ask you bout it you tell me that you don’t want to pop
but the crying noise just has to stop.
Sometimes I close my eyes and see a world that’s black with men as white as stars.
Just like a globe that I could shake and shake each time that things have gone too far.
Something I could hold just like a globe inside my hands
So I shake it and I shake it- oh look here comes a man
But he is trapped inside the globe- he’s only one inch high
There is no place to run and hide.
Give it just a little more time. This may only be in your mind.
There’s no way to say what is real and what is make believe you know.
Look at all the stars in the sky, girl. You could find a way to get high, girl.
You could fly away into a state of ecstasy and glee you know.
I know I will stay.
Life- lay your hand on me and guide me on my way.
I stay up late at night and make a list of ways to make you love me more.
I know it won’t succeed cause men they only love the ones they’re fighting for.
And I’d do anything on earth if you would fall in love with me
But there are things I can’t control, I don’t know what you want to see.
The only thing I know for sure is that you like to be alone
But either way, you are my home.
While living in Nashville I wrote a series of songs… 15 or so… about the Odyssey (by Homer) & this was the third one. I guess it relates to Telemachus coming into his own power & realizing how awesome he is.
On a personal level, hi! How are you doing? I am fine I suppose. Recently I have been trying to become more yellow again by sitting in front of a yellow light for an hour or so a day. It has me feeling a little out of sorts, but we will see if I can stick with it and reach the other side.
What will be on the other side? I am not quite sure, I just feel that yellow is a color I lack. While I am intelligent, I don’t feel yellow intelligent- the sort of down to earth intelligence that knows how to get from point A to point B on this space-time continuum. If you are yellow enough, the world is your oyster. And least I hope that is what I will find when I finally reach the Yellow World.
Here is a better picture of Patton, the new dog. The last one I posted was from when we had just found him, so he looked like a wild animal. But here you can see he is settling in well to family life.
‘Oh! I wish you were dead. Then I could get some sleep, just please put a bullet in your head. Oh! You better not speak again.’ Slide to the floor, let it hold me once more, my thick and heavy friend.
Here come the Lights! Here come the Lights! I’ll follow them now, though they’re guiding me down Because they’ve come to set things right. Here come the Lights!
Oh! It’s like a parade- Everyone dancing around in the sun while I’m searching for the shade Or someone who can help me understand the things I’ve seen; But the dark world engulfs me, he’ll never let go because I am his queen.
Here come the Lights! Here come the Lights! I’ll follow them now, though they’re guiding me down Because they’ve come to set things right. Here come the Lights!
Oh! So this is the night? And these are the friends who slide under the door in the guise of liquid light? Oh! This is the Column of Heat! You have arrived, now I will shut my eyes because I know it’s safe to sleep.
Here come the Lights! Here come the Lights! I’ll follow them now, though they’re guiding me down Because they’ve come to set things right. Here come the Lights!
