My first attempt at making a video. Although I hate having my photograph taken, somehow video cameras are less intimidating.
At any rate, this is another song about the Pine Fairy, a fairy on his way to becoming a magician. Being of a piney nature, he is prone to piercing, torturous bouts of grief. However, in the end, these feelings become the key to his power, lifting him above the humdrum of life and compelling him to seek out those things which are truly eternal.
Cloud at my door, come in, come in.
Where have you wandered, my friend, my friend?
I have grown weary, I have grown tired;
Every day get up and start a new fire.
But what bothers me most is this feeling I get
That my life is a story that’s already writ;
And that faith has no magic except to forgive-
And if Ben isn’t real, then I don’t wanna live.
See you next Sunday, let me open the door
And you’ll walk down the cobblestone path like before-
Just a fluffy white cloud, one who never asks why,
You just wobble a bit then you climb to the sky.
But what bothers me most is that when you are gone
I stare hard at my hands and tell them to keep on,
Cause you gotta keep grinding and keep with the toil
Because life is just this; it is not something more.
Too tired to struggle, too bitter to give-
And if Ben isn’t real, then I don’t wanna live.
I watch you flying; I watch how you soar.
I know you are a cloud, you are not something more.
And the sky is a flag- something flat, something blue;
And yet you are my friend and I’m a friend to you.
But when I close my eyes all the blue grows so deep
That it drowns me in currents too wavy to sleep;
And I need to decide if the water’s a dream
Or if there’s still a chance life is not what it seems.
Caught between hard things and things elusive-
But if Ben isn’t real, then I don’t wanna to live.
Download MP3: Ben
Alone on a country path
to home, there is nowhere back
a loan that you must return
but you know you never will.
A field where the sun has lain
a barn with a crooked frame
a man with a golden pen
he meets you on the road.
What could you say?
You couldn’t explain
your hands just shook with guilt.
The house that absence built.
The sink of the western sun
a sigh and the day is done
a man with a golden pen
he meets you on the road.
Three men from behind the hill
ride in and surround you still
you know there is nowhere back
there’s nowhere to run.
They ride you hard
and when they leave
you can feel your spirit wilt.
The house that absence built.
A change coming from within
a man with a golden pen
you speak all the words you know
he writes down every one.
You sneer cause you must not cry
the fear of a dimming sky
ride in and the reasons why
will meet you on the road.
The trees will rise
like black men where
the golden sun in spilt
in the house that absence built.
This is a song about the Pine Fairy being raped by three traveling men that he meets on the road. They may or may not be human, since such things are harder to tell from the Pine Fairy’s perspective.
The reference to Black Men isn’t related to humans of African descent. Black Men are a subset of what I call “Gingerbread Fairies.” Basically humanoid beings that are larger than us, but with more simplistic forms. They come in different colors and are about 8-10 feet tall with bodies that are a cross between a human and a three dimensional gingerbread cookie (if the cookie was made of colored light.) Although their bodies have no mass or weight, they are stronger than gorillas and can easily move physical objects in this world. Sometimes the Black Men will show up to protect people from an attack, other times they will show up afterwards to help the person regain their power. They are jet black and always travel by night.
The man with the golden pen is a being similar to St. Peter. He helps you to record, review, and evaluate the choices of your life so that you can feel the appropriate remorse and finally gain wisdom.
Download MP3: Rape of the Pine Fairy
The stars and moon were calling
but he didn’t hear.
The night was cold and piney
it was clear.
He stayed inside and cried
as though somebody died.
His heart was breaking in two
on the inside.
The owls were cold and silver;
they were harsh.
Green things were fermenting
deep within the marsh.
He rested his head down,
a king without a crown.
The staff held in his hand
was made of larch.
Why did he cry?
Cause he was learning to love himself.
But why?
Because no love came from anybody else.
People say they care
but they can’t always be there.
At times it’s best to think
of something else.
The stars were going crazy
on a whim.
Tomorrow night he may be there
dancing right beside them.
But right now he is tired.
His brain is blue and mired.
The produce on his shelf
has all expired.
Why is he tired?
Because he’s learning to love himself.
But why?
Because he can’t get love
from anybody else.
He lives in a forest of pine.
His home is hard to find.
No one has knocked upon his door
in the longest time.
Download MP3: Introduction to the Pine Fairy
Recently, I was suffering from ridiculous allergies, but when I finally recovered I felt better adapted to living in West Virginia. Living in the hills is just so thick and dense that if you aren’t used to it, it feels like trying to eat a whole stick of butter with no bread. There is a sense that your future does not exist and your present can not be changed.
Life
may not be real
Pikey what a thing to say
you know that you weren’t raised that way
And yet
sometimes I fear
God has left me so alone
a million miles from any home
To walk a road that has no end
The golden hay lies beyond the bend.
But why would we break?
Why would we cry?
In the end it’s only pain
we’ve known it in so many ways
I know
she felt it too
Remember her, that little bird
so soft we never heard a word
A hint of pink behind the door
and in the end a pile of feathers on the floor
Pikey, you know it won’t be long
Take my hand, I can feel their eyes
descending from the bluest skies
My gun
My iron bar
Life remember I was your friend
I knew that you had no end
Your fields were filled with golden hay
Three clouds they fly above then slowly drift away.
Download Mp3: Golden Hay
The sad story of a purple magician driven to suicide through harassment from the villagers, to whom he could no longer relate.
I see stars in the starry sky
I feel stars in my brain
When they came with sticks and stones
I knew who was to blame…
Quick! Quick!
Hand it to me- silver cup-
Drink it down and shoot it up
I don’t to want to cry.
Last time when they came
Swinging with their jagged canes
I almost lost an eye.
To feel pain- okay! Okay to fall-
But give me someplace to turn, some name to call.
I see stars in the starry sky
I know why they shine.
When I saw them march at night
I almost lost my mind…
Quick! Quick!
Hand it to me- my syringe
I cannot afford to cringe;
I must not feel pain.
Closing on me in a ring
If they see me grimacing
They’ll fall on me like rain.
To feel pain-okay! Okay to fall-
But give me someplace to turn, some name to call.
I knew all the stars in the sky
I knew all their names
They controlled the people
Just like marbles in a game…
Quick! Quick!
Fetch my needle and my thread
Stitch my eyelids to my head-
They must not see my eyes.
They must never know the light
Twisting in from Pegasi that
Shines through all their lies.
To feel pain- okay! Okay to fall-
But give me someplace to turn, some name to call.
To cut- okay! To bleed…
Still I promise you, they’ll never see through me.
I see stars in the starry sky
I stood in their light.
They could see me flutter like a
Moth against the night.
Quick! Quick!
Fetch for me my special pill
Hide the money and my will-
It’s my time to fly.
If I have but one regret
It is that I’ve never met
Someone to tell goodbye.
Alone to live- okay! Alone to die.
Perhaps a hand waits for me in the sky.
Download MP3: I See Stars
A new edition to my collection of songs about relationships between men and other species, in this case a gatekeeper.
Gatekeepers are humanoid immortal beings about two thirds the size of a person who are able to open the portal between dimensions. This particular gatekeeper lives in the black world of outer space and controls the gate which leads to the world of gold. The gate is made of 2 brass doors swinging on hinges, about 10 feet high. Behind them lies a white mansion set on a yard of checkerboard grass. The gatekeeper herself can never pass through the gate. Like many immortals, she is free to move through time but bound to a particular space.
Her job is a lonely one, since not many humans pass through this particular gate. Why? Because they don’t have the balls to travel through a million miles of cold, empty blackness to reach the gold that lies on the other side. She has been watching this particular man, with whom she has become infatuated, travelling towards her for quite some time (you can see very, very far in space.) The combination of loneliness and his golden character has cast a spell on her.
Therefore, she is considering using her position of power to initiate a romantic relation, albeit a brief one, since his golden character necessitates that he must past through the gate. In addition, it must be a non-sexual one since gatekeepers, like many immortals, don’t really have genders nor reproduce.
However, despite her power over him, she feels it may be difficult to capture his attention, even for a moment. The black world of space is one of the hardest to pass through. It is cold, dark and empty, and years of walking through this world can numb the extremities and cause the blood to turn white. When the traveler finally does reach the golden gate and see the white house behind it, the last thing he will want to do is loiter with the gatekeeper. The last thing he will want to do is gaze into round starry eyes set in a jet black face.
Stars swim in the dark of night
Underneath sharks that bite
In between stands I prepared to fight.
Stars swim through the darkened past
Sharks eat bones; nothing last
I guard the gate through which you hope to pass.
But please stand with me
For just a minute more because I’m lonely
And please do not forget I hold the key.
If you touch my hand, I’ll be good to you
I’ll open up the gate and you can walk on through
I’ll bow my head, I know I’ll think of you.
Stars struggle to illuminate
Sharks grow tired beneath the gate
I think of you, your hands, your eyes- I wait.
I think of you- your eyes, your hands
Your hidden world, I understand, at best
I am a shadow to you, man.
But please stand with me
Let our shoulders touch because I’m lonely
And please do not forget I hold the key.
Let your fingers slide in between my own
I control the gate to your only home
I would like to feel your eyes upon my own.
Stars shine against the past
Sharks eat all the crumbs at last
I guard the gate through which you hope to pass.
Stars shine inside my head
In my mind you are my friend
I think of you, the night begins to spin.
So please stand with me
For just a minute more, because I’m lonely
And please do not forget I hold the key
I can feel it burning inside my hand
The golden door to another land
You will walk through, I will remember you man.
Download OGG file: The Gatekeeper
Strap the cloth upon your eyes- walk.
I can’t walk!
Strap the cloth upon your mouth- don’t talk.
I can’t talk!
Air surrounds like terror.
The world is black and dark everywhere.
Behind doors, men hide.
Shrink a little more inside.
Please don’t touch me now- I’m cold.
No more time to run and hide- too old.
And where else could I be
But in this darkened hall?
I can feel their bodies moving
Like bananas through the wall.
Strap the cloth upon your mouth-
I can’t talk!
Hands behind your back-
Walk!
No time. Too old.
You know before you were born, you were already sold.
And where else could I be
But curled up in my spleen?
I feel their fingers on the wall
And I know what they mean.
We walk through the hall
Patent leather shoes
On the marble floor
White you win and black you lose…
I can feel the stairwell rise.
I can feel their greenish eyes.
This was never about right and wrong;
It was only truth and lies.
Pat pat, so cold.
Don’t move, too old.
The cord around my waist
His waist beside my head
We’re standing in the kitchen now
He tells me I’m already dead.
And I know- I feel it too-
An air so dark and cold
It doesn’t emanate from you.
You’re just another fish upon his line
Trapped inside a ring of time.
Your fingers on my shoulder now;
You know I won’t resist this time.
Time is dark.
What done is done.
The dead will never rise again.
The dead and I are one.
Hidden in my spleen,
You know that I know what things mean.
There are creatures wandering this earth;
They will find their home in me.
Download MP3: Bananas
You wanted to lie face down in a pool
They lifted you up; they wouldn’t let you fly
They thought that you wanted to die.
You waited for the train; you lay on the tracks
They came to arrest you; they wouldn’t let you fly away, fly away
They said you had to come back.
Knitting at night under the moon
In your mind is a bone; it flies through the sky all alone
That bone is you.
White bone on black sky, swimming through stars
Fly away friend, the whole world is ours
Spreading like vapor, slipping through cracks
The whole world is ours; fly away never come back.
Finally one day you escaped to the moon
Through a bottle of pills and you left a note saying goodbye
Do not follow me, please don’t try.
Not all of us fly, not all of sing
Like a bone in the night sky but you were a king
Stuffed in a jar til the glass had to crack
Now I’m happy for you and I don’t need for you to come back.
Because look at me now, how I stroll through the fields
The grass brushes my leg an electrical feel
Every blade is a song, every blade is a scroll
Oh, the things that I’ve learned! Oh, the things that I know!
Songs about forests, light pours through the trees
Rushing into the wanderer electrical green
Though he covers his eyes, the light seeps through his skin
He was prepared to lose, but now he is destined to win!
Songs about creeks where a man cools his toes
As the water flows through them he suddenly knows why
Why his friend said goodbye.
And other stories like these.
As you know, I love to read.
Download Mp3: I Love to Read
If you want to cross to the other side,
I will follow you.
Splash the water over my face now,
Deepest shade of blue.
Follow the hand of an invisible man;
I still have eyes to see.
Cross the water where the moonlight glistens,
Like waking from a dream.
Oh did I fly? Fly? Fly right next to you?
Did we run on legs to the mountain top
Palest shade of blue?
Oh did I fall? Fall so far I couldn’t breath?
Did you watch my eyes through the bubbling waves
Beginning to believe?
If you call to me from the other side,
I will always come;
Come in the body of a feathery bird
Sucking on my thumb.
Whistle to me through a deep blue wave,
I still have ears to hear.
Splash the water over my face now,
The hard things disappear.
And we will run, run, run through fields of green
And you will cry out, what a happy surprise,
Things were never what they seemed.
And God will run, run beside us like a dog
And we will toss him sticks, and teach him tricks
As the golden sun dissolves.
But if you want to stay in an indelicate world,
I will stay with you.
Splash the water over my face now,
Blackest shades of blue.
Three men watch from across the hill,
Head to toe in black.
Lines are drawn and when you cross them
You’re never going back.
But I could fight, fight, fight just like a dream,
And I could teach myself to always believe that
Things are what they seem.
And I could hate, hate, hate right by your side
And we could struggle to take the western gate
Before the golden sun declines.
Download MP3: The Other Side