You wanted to lie face down in a pool
They lifted you up; they wouldn’t let you fly
They thought that you wanted to die.
You waited for the train; you lay on the tracks
They came to arrest you; they wouldn’t let you fly away, fly away
They said you had to come back.
Knitting at night under the moon
In your mind is a bone; it flies through the sky all alone
That bone is you.
White bone on black sky, swimming through stars
Fly away friend, the whole world is ours
Spreading like vapor, slipping through cracks
The whole world is ours; fly away never come back.
Finally one day you escaped to the moon
Through a bottle of pills and you left a note saying goodbye
Do not follow me, please don’t try.
Not all of us fly, not all of sing
Like a bone in the night sky but you were a king
Stuffed in a jar til the glass had to crack
Now I’m happy for you and I don’t need for you to come back.
Because look at me now, how I stroll through the fields
The grass brushes my leg an electrical feel
Every blade is a song, every blade is a scroll
Oh, the things that I’ve learned! Oh, the things that I know!
Songs about forests, light pours through the trees
Rushing into the wanderer electrical green
Though he covers his eyes, the light seeps through his skin
He was prepared to lose, but now he is destined to win!
Songs about creeks where a man cools his toes
As the water flows through them he suddenly knows why
Why his friend said goodbye.
And other stories like these.
As you know, I love to read.
This is a song about the gray fairies who are responsible for recording everything that occurs so that Justice can be doled out in the correct proportions at a later time.
Big city ways
Everyone is gay
Try to find a way to shine
Living in the night
Everything is right
If you keep a spinning mind
Big man brown
Knock me to the ground
No one was around to hear
Furry furry man
Spitting on his hand
The only thing I knew was fear
Slide away
Shiny soldiers follow me
Eyes of gray peering from around the trees
Tiny spines so straight
They watch, they wait
Slide away.
Slime slime boom
Big city room
All the grown ups want to play
Big black night
Dancing in the dim light
Meeting creeps in the alleyway
Big man blue
Swinging with his shoe
No one was around to hear
Big city ways
Wanting to get paid
The only thing I knew was fear
Slide away
Shiny soldiers follow me
Eyes of gray peering from around the trees
Tiny boots, they glow
They see, they know
Slide away.
Gray gay white
Everything is right
Long as we don’t have to know
Plus the truth might lie
And one day we’re gonna die
So we better let the good times flow
Big black hole
Sliding down a pole
That was the only world I could hear
Black man bite
Crawling in the moonlight
Watching all the blood appear
Slide away
Shiny soldiers follow me
Eyes of gray peering from behind the trees.
They will dig, record
Then even scores
Slide away.
Slippers & I out and about, hoping to bump into some friends.
Hi there, it’s me! I feel like it would be rude if I didn’t, every now and then, step out from behind my songs and say hi as a person. I know some people prefer musicians to “shut up and sing,” but personally I find it a bit uncordial if someone keeps singing at me and never says hello. As they say in West Virginia, “Handshakes before hugs.”
Perhaps that is why I dislike concerts, as a rule. Not only are they extremely expensive (I prefer spending money on tangibles), not only are they cold, smelly, and impersonal, but I find it dull to watch a person perform for hours on end without ever removing the mask to reveal their self, if only for a moment.
Since musicians are supposed to like concerts, it took me a long time to admit how I really felt. Finally the day came when I had front row seats to a Roseanne Cash concert, but I stayed home to watch Columbo instead. It wasn’t like anyone was going to get murdered at her show. A couple weeks later, I had front row seats to a Justin Townes Earle show, but once again I couldn’t bring myself to go. I tried to give myself a pep talk- he’s a heroin addict, maybe something exciting will happen. But I couldn’t budge myself. I knew he would probably be on his best behavior, singing his songs without a hitch and making witty comments about the wonderful audience. Perhaps I am a bad person, or maybe just a Scorpio, but I find it so dull to watch someone put their best foot forward. I always want to see their worst foot. But professional musicians never seem to fall off the stage or forget their medication. What is the point then? If I just wanted to hear someone sing, I could take a shower.
*
At any rate, here is what is going on with me- nothing. My life is so boring that I feel a pang of awe that I am able to survive it uncrushed. A testament to the human spirit. The most exciting part of my day is walking Slippers and saying hello to the rotating cast of semi-wild dogs that join us. As I’ve mentioned before, Slippers used to be one of these roaming dogs until she got hit by a car and was going to be ‘put down.’ Back then her name was ‘Nasty.’ Because “Keepin’ it Nasty” is the unofficial slogan of our holler. At first, I wasn’t sure what it meant. I thought country people were supposed to be square, with rigid morals. Boy was I wrong! If it isn’t illegal for at least three reasons, they won’t even touch it around here. Especially when it comes to love.
I sort of admire their krazy spirits, but only from a distance, watching with binoculars from my window.
So why is my life so boring? Personally, I think it has less to do with isolation and more to do with geography. There are hills on all sides. If you want to see the sky you have to look straight up. Giant walls of earth pressing in on me from all directions, vibrating my body with their cold brown waves. It is the sort of feeling you get in a library, being surrounded by heavy books, except it’s brown rather than gray. I like to think it is making me strong. Maybe wise too.
No friends today, they were all hiding because of the flood and Slippers is pissed.
Normally, when James asks me what a song is about, I tell him I don’t really know. But in this case it is clear- this is a song about a giant named Big Stuff who dreamed of having a parade thrown in his honor. He saved up all his money and gave it to a man who was supposed to make the parade happen. But instead, the man disappeared with the money and left Big Stuff feeling so dejected and humiliated that he sat in a near catatonic state, barely rocking back and forth in a rocking chair, until the next phase of his life began.
I know that gay and straight pride parades have been in the news recently, but this song has nothing to do with them, at least as far as I am concerned. Big Stuff’s story actually took place around 10 years ago, but it is only now that I am getting around to telling it.
Big Stuff- a real life giant with an endless appetite for the finer things of Life.
Purple lace, paint your face Wait for the cold rain to go away Today is your big day.
Candy sticks, pink balloons All of their eyes will be stuck to you Stuck with the sweetest glue.
Velvet boots, comb your hair Part down the middle then gloss it with gel Put some gel in your mustache as well.
In the mirror–look! What do you see? Could it be you? Could this day truly be
Big Stuff’s Parade, Big Stuff’s Parade Every gold coin that you saved, you saved for Your special day, proud and gay Shining the way that you knew you could This day is going to feel good.
Purple stripes on a pole The one that you’ll hold when they lift you up Onto your satin throne.
Caviar in your pants for you to taste When your dream comes true When every eye falls on you.
Look in the mirror and what do you see? Could it be you? Could today truly be
Big Stuff’s Parade, Big Stuff’s Parade Every gold coin that you saved, you saved for Your special day, proud and gay Shining the way that you knew you could This day is going to feel good.
But look around, Big Stuff, where is the man Who took your gold coins in the palm of his hand? The streets are still empty, no crowds have arrived No floats to be seen, no flags in the sky…
You were tricked! He took your coins, but the flags never flew The sun never came out, the crowds never gazed on you Now you’re rocking and rocking back and forth in your chair Rubbing the glossy gel out of your hair.
I was tricked! I was tricked! you mumble to yourself and for the next seven months you will say nothing else.
Big Stuff’s Parade, Big Stuff’s Parade He needs to learn that the world doesn’t turn Just for satin lace on his face Now that he’s bungled his one chance to shine Will Big Stuff find peace of mind?
Tap tap upon my arm, I know you’re there-
I feel you breathing on my hand.
Please go away, although I know you care-
things that people cannot understand.
I dug the ditch.
I rolled them in.
I saw their purple eyes
Begin to dim.
This air does not exist for me to breath;
friendship fly away, I’m not the one who will believe.
I saw them die,
Covered in dirt.
At night I cry
and I cannot release the hurt.
Nobody knows the way to turn back time
but I could swear this time that I would sacrifice my life.
Nobody knows the secret things that fill the air,
it’s no one’s job to care; it’s no one’s place to fight.
Dig dig, they stood in black around me in a circle and they stared;
I dug a wide and shallow grave.
They stood and watched; they don’t fear anyone anywhere-
They know that wholesome people never try to save.
Too good to dig.
Nothing is ever found.
Although it lies
Only an inch below the ground.
Nobody knows the way to turn back time
but I could swear this time that I would sacrifice my life.
Yet living means to look away, that’s what they say,
another day of sun, another chance to lie.
Tap tap upon my arm, I know you’re there.
Please go away; too many things I’ll never share.
I must remain.
I must not rise.
Must not forget
Their begging eyes.
I trusted you; your pale white face I walked through snow to your winter place Wearing no shoes; covered only in lace Snowflakes fell to their death upon my face
As you waited for me inside. But I didn’t know you had already died.
Your green eyes shone; they seemed to say Every star that shines, it can be yours one day. Though skin peeled and fell from your arm I never felt alarm
I just stared into your eyes. How could I have known you had already died?
Something hides deep in a cave The darkest part of your ribcage It can’t be seen; it has to hide It can’t let anyone know that you already died.
In a deep dark well, I had lost some things I gave you everything that it was possible to demean. You seemed to shine, but it was only the glow Of decay but I didn’t know
That God is always high A pure white sheet in the sky He never cuts us with a knife Just to see us cry.
But I never flinched I just held out my hand. Love was a concept I did not understand.
Little man look to the sky; the world is something blue.
Bridges rise and bridges fall; they will not hold for you.
Bridges rise and bridges fall; you doubt the things you’ve seen.
Did a man cry out in pain or was that just a dream?
Little man look to the sky and let your blue eyes burn.
Bridges rise and bridges fall; there is nowhere to turn.
People everywhere have thought the rain would never end;
Standing in the cold, that’s when they learned they had a friend.
Clouds descend upon you and they fill your eyes with white.
If it’s necessary to do something, you’d rather do what’s right.
Clouds descend upon you and you doubt the things you things you’ve seen.
Did a man cry out in pain or was that just a dream?
Clouds descend upon you, knock you down onto one knee.
Please don’t marry her, little man, you need more time to be free…
People everywhere have thought the rain would never end;
Standing in the cold, that’s when they learned they had a friend.
Winds blow in from everywhere they cut you day and night.
If it’s necessary to do something, you’d rather do what’s right.
Winds blow in from everywhere; they bring the scent of pine.
The world is something far away, a blue and icy line.
One day you will cross that line, uncertain what you’ve seen.
The images will swirl and fade like walking in a dream.
People everywhere have thought the rain would never end;
Standing in the cold, that’s when they learned they had a friend.
Almost everywhere, they thought the world would never end.
When the ending came, that’s when they knew they had a friend.
