I feel like I am trapped in a man’s body. Not my physical body, but like there is a giant man around me, a crusty man suit, which I must wear to deal with the outside world. It is so heavy. But I need to act like a man so people can understand me. Men do not understand women, in my experience. You must put everything in manguage so they can hear it. If you want to seem intelligent you must seem heavy & thick. Women can understand you regardless, but I must be a man around them as well, because women need men, and I feel responsible for taking care of them.
It would feel selfish not to be a man. Lift heavy logs, stroke egos, be boring & responsible. This is my moral programming. Above all- be crusty. My feminine self doesn’t even want to be nice to people- it would prefer people being nice to me. My man self doesn’t care how it is treated though. You can break giant logs over his head and it will not deter him from trying to care for you.
My feminine self does not understand the things people say. People seem to talk in puffy word clouds, with their words having no specific meaning. Men do this especially. They puff out words & the words have that intelligent aura, but when you try to boil them down, you cannot find anything specific they are saying at all! I don’t know how to process that.
Most of the concepts people throw around mean nothing to me- love, compassion, forgiveness, goodness, kindness, equality… what are these things? Once again, they feel like clouds, positively charged, commonly used to obscure something nasty. They evoke fear in me. When you see empty positivity, you can be certain its opposite- tangible negativity- is not far behind. Why do people blow these words around? Do people wake up in the morning thinking “Equality. Compassion. Heal the World?” Or are these concepts only used when others are listening?
I don’t understand books either, though I try. I open them to a random page, read the first sentence, and realize this will be unbearable. I can tolerate children’s books- so long as there are no morals involved- and also simple autobiographies- so long as they aren’t written by writers. I detest the puffy way writers write. I guess I have real issues regarding words.
Though I wish I could be real around people, I can’t. My real self is needy, weak, pathetic. Semi-retarded. The opposite of what anyone needs. I must be peoples Knight in Shining Armor. I must protect them and be the one to take bullets. I must lift heavy logs & then retreat back into the woods with a sporty whistle. The lesbian lumberjack. It is so lonely though. There is too much of me and too little of anyone else.
But also there is none of me and too much of everyone else.
Technically there are other people in my life but they feel… predictable. They rarely say or do anything I could not have thought of myself. I wish people were more surprising and could open doors to new realities. I wish books could do the same, but I can’t find these books.
Of course, I mostly connect with others in a mental fashion. In physical life, I bet people are surprising. Robbing banks, anal sexing their cousins…
But the mental realm tends towards dullness. It may be the average person just doesn’t have much to say beyond recirculating group mind concepts. Talk to a few people & it can feel as though you have talked to them all.
Perhaps emotional relationships are the answer. What does this mean though? I think the essence of emotion is to give of yourself. To take a risk. To make a sacrifice. There must be some transfer of bodily fluids, at least on a symbolic level, or relationships are pointless. Social media does not make this easy though. In many cases you have no idea who you are interacting with and just opening up a vein does not seem advised. In real life, exchanging fluids is now illegal since it spreads disease.
Nonetheless there is something about giving of oneself, in a meaningful way, that magically opens the door between people enabling you to see through their eyes and know things you could never have known. I am not sure if words alone can do this. I guess that is why people used to sacrifice animals to the Divine- spilling living fluid to open up a portal beyond what prayer can do.
I am glad we don’t sacrifice animals anymore, but still the principle applies. Blood, sweat, tears, something liquid must spill or else nothing truly new can ever break through into this world.
Month: January 2021
Live in a sea of broken glass
Pieces were shining everywhere
Somebody turned to walk around
Somebody watching from the stairs
Pick up the piece to find you
Has this always been your face?
Pick up the piece behind you
Has this always been your face?
Watching the moonlight dripping down
Watching the starlight spin away
Everything moves around and round
Never a way to make you stay
Pick up the piece to find you
Has this always been your face?
Pick up the piece behind you
Has this always been your face?
Mirrors were broken on the ground
Pick up a piece to keep me sound
You leave the room and then you’re gone
Watching the walls spin round & round
How can I not believe in you?
You were the one man standing there
Everyone knows the things you do
But underneath it all you care
Swim in a sea of broken glass
Throwing the rainbows on the wall
Breathing so hard I have to gasp
Caught in the ecstasy I fall
Pick up the piece to find you
Has this always been your face?
Pick up the piece behind you
Has this always been your face?
Under stress, when the world is not the way we would like it to be, we tend to go down one of two mistaken paths. Either we attack the world and try to force it to change without offering anything worthwhile ourselves or we withdraw and only focus only on caring for ourselves and immediate family. Neither response is appropriate, because we rely on the social fabric for our survival. To cocreate our shared world is part of who we are as humans.
And Biden’s presidency- while not welcomed by me- could have the silver lining of forcing us to stop looking for a Big Daddy to save us and instead build up the collective strengths which are our only true protection against enslavement.
So here are some ideas for how we can truly make America great again. It comes down to having populations which are strong, productive, & free-thinking while still being woven into a tight fabric. It is not enough to connect to society in a passive way. We must take an active role in building our world.
- Become a connector. In a sense, this is the core thread running through all the ideas. As an adult, it does not suffice* to simply be responsible for yourself & your own. We all depend on the fabric of society & must all do our share of weaving to keep this fabric strong.
Here are a few cutesy ideas for being more connective….
a) Talk to strangers. Practice making random small talk with people you encounter in stores and on the street. When you do this, it will start to seem normal to others & they will begin doing it as well. Soon enough, we will be living in a much warmer & well connected world.
b) Connect more deeply on social media. If you use social media, try to use it in a more proactive way. Reach out to those you like in a more meaningful way & become friends.
c) Eat together. Cook for people or meet for dinner at restaurants. Invite random people on the off chance you might like them. Shyness is for children. Adults have a moral obligation to be brave & step beyond themselves.
d) Why not use the mail service to add another dimension to your social life? Write letters or send out holiday cards to friends, family & even people you met online. If you’re rich, send gifts! This would have a huge impact on people & inspire them to impact others.
e) Form clubs. Either online or in person, form groups based on any criteria whatsoever. Shared interests, shared gender… whatever appeals to you! We are the weavers of this world & should be creative in giving birth to it.
The key is to be the active agent in making relationships happen. Don’t fear being rejected. Life has already accepted you or you wouldn’t be alive. And if another person rejects what life has accepted then they are a fool. - Become a producer and sell your goods.
If you are so inclined, consider producing something that is commonly used by humans and selling it at a reasonable price. Not necessarily to make a living, but just as a side source of cash combined with hobby.
Possibilities include eggs, milk, honey, corn, fruits & vegetables, meat, dishwasher safe tableware, tables & chairs, clothes, table cloths, tea towels, quilts, soap & beauty supplies. Anything which humans need and use on a regular basis.
It is easy to imagine how much more vital our communities would feel if more of us produced these basic items & we were able to buy them from each other rather than Walmart. - Create Media. The problems of a centralized media have become obvious. One solution is to begin engaging more in the creation of media ourselves. Become an independent investigative journalist. A video journalist. Start a blog. A local news site. Or even go retro and make a zine or print newsletter covering any topic which interest you.
Once again, remember you do not have to make a living at this. If humans only engaged in activities which paid the bills, we may never have discovered electricity. One way or another we must create a grassroots citizen media. - Become a tech freedom fighter. If you are a tech person, build things which enable people to connect while being free from centralized control, such as social media platforms dedicated to free speech, cryptocurrencies, etc.
- Get a gun, learn to shoot. Personally I find this one scary. But should communities place their self defense solely in the hands of centrally controlled organizations? Perhaps being able to defend yourself and also band together with your neighbors in defense is part of what keeps communities strong.
- Get involved with government. Especially at the local or state level. Local & state governments really need more power relative to the national government in order for people to feel that their voices can be heard.
- Create a charity.** It doesn’t need to be official. But perhaps you have noticed a little problem in the world around you. Some squirrels that seem hungry, some elderly people that seem alone. Some houses that have fallen into disrepair. We can choose to donate a bit of our time and energy to making our world a better place, no official bureaucracy required.
So if you do see a way to be helpful, or you have some skill or resource that could benefit others, why not make a little personal hobby of improving your corner of the world in a small but concerted way? - Be a shrink. This is a simple way for citizens to reclaim power. We all need someone to talk to. No one has 200 dollars to pay someone to stare at them for an hour. And why should we have to? Humans love listening to other people’s problems as much as we love having sex- it makes us feel less alone. So offer up your services as an available shrink- a listening ear- to those around you and also let them listen to you.
- Create culture. Break the spell of Hollywood. Humans have been creating our own culture since time began. You don’t need to go to a Justin Bieber concert filled with laser beams. You could listen to your neighbor sing. Once you readjust your settings, you might find you like it better. A play written by your aunt, a picture painted by your friends. These are the real deal. Reject the idea that arts & culture must be a part of some giant centralized machine in order to have value.
- Goodbye groupthink. The more we connect, the more we tend to conform. If we are selling eggs, we might just go along with whatever ideas people throw out so they will buy our eggs. But reject this. Have the courage to connect with people while remaining true to your own mind. Speak the truth as you understand it even when socially inconvenient.
Likewise, if you use social media do not cower in the shadows of the group mind. Be brave, freethinking, independent & bold. Stand up to bullies. A society made up of clones is not really a society anymore. It is simply the borg- a singular entity. It is our job to be brave enough to stop this from happening. Be an individual so the idea of a collective truly means something.
* Obviously I realize some people are barely supporting their own & might have little energy left for weaving social fabric! Perhaps most people are stretched to capacity and the only change they could make would be a teensy one. But that is the beauty of the collective. It is so vast and so interconnected that the tiniest change by a single person can ripple out forever.
Let’s say, for example, that you set aside one evening a month to reach out to someone in need and be a listening ear, a source of support. You might be the first person to ever extend yourself to him/her in this way. Doing so could subtly- or radically- transform their sense of life and what is possible.
Now their increased sense of hope changes the way they interact with everyone around them. Which then changes how these people interact. There is no of knowing how far the impact of one caring gesture can go. It could easily touch the whole world.
** I have wanted to do charitable acts myself, but you quickly run into the problem of mooches. There are people everywhere who position themselves to be as needy as possible just so others will reach out to help them. They are frequently predatory people who drag others down in all areas of life. So you don’t really want to feed the bears.
One possibility then, is to not just support those who are needy, but those who are valuable and doing good things. These people may need help & support as well, though they probably won’t ask for it. At the very least, if you give to a giver, any surplus they receive from you is likely to be recirculated back into the wider world in a positive way.
I just need to write a quick post in defense of a dear friend- Hatred. Just like Mr. Rogers, I am a big fan of all feelings. What are feelings really, but colors that enter our body, giving us the energy & wisdom to do what needs to be done? And what is hatred but a surge of red fire to our heart, enabling us to respond appropriately to extreme situations? To set aside our vanity, our social hangups, our desire to be pleasing and simply fight for something we care about?
Why has hatred has been so demonized? I hate hatred? Hatred has no home here? Do these people love hatred so much they are hoping to keep it all for themselves? Are they are prepping future victims to not have a swift and violent response to being attacked? Do they want men to be so impotent they won’t stand up for women? Women to be so zenned out they will walk over the murdered bodies of loved ones with a smile?
There is little chance a human will overdose on hatred. It simply consumes too much energy to be sustained over time- much like an erection. No one needs to worry that their erection will become permanent and live in their pants forever. Likewise, there is no chance that hatred will set up a permanent station in your heart. It is too combustible- flaring up under extreme circumstances and then dying down once released.
When hatred comes into your heart it should be embraced so that your red circuits can flow freely. If you try to smother it down with an extra scoop of white spirituality you will only end up with social impotence. Because a man incapable of hatred has no meaningful role to play in society. He can’t get married if he is unable to summon enough red to hate those who would threaten his wife. He can’t even stand up for his own life and can only hope that men who are capable of hatred will be in his vicinity if extreme circumstances ever arise. In essence, a man who cannot hate is a wuss.
Hatred comes to us to enliven the heart and give it courage. When you really boil it down- hatred is the flame of love, turned up so bright that it begins to hurt. You only hate when you love something so much you are willing to protect, destroy & sacrifice for it. It is a beautiful thing.
This past week it has felt impossible to detach from world events, as though a forcefield above my head was compelling me to pay attention & get involved. This has been interspersed with waves of tears. I hope current events are just a blip which soon blows over. But sometimes there is the panicked fear that things have gone too far and we can never go back. I don’t know which is real, but I believe people always have to fight for what is good, regardless. I doubt God likes surrender monkeys.
Perhaps most disturbing is the suppression of speech. So many people suddenly being removed from twitter, facebook & youtube. The President himself, random conservatives like Ron Paul, youtube channels which covered election fraud (nothing screams This Election Wasn’t Fraudulent like erasing all fraud related content). In fact I got removed from Facebook myself while writing this. It is just for 24 hours, but I won’t be surprised if a permanent ban is around the corner. They took down the entire platform of Parler which was dedicated to non-censorship. Can you believe this is our new reality? I can’t. And when I think about all the places it could lead it is hard not to cry. I guess I always took freedom of speech for granted. Now I find I am censoring myself even in private conversations- oh don’t use that violent metaphor- facebook might be reading this. Oh don’t use the color black as an adjective- they might think you are racist. Everything you say in private could be released publicly. Phrases which are socially acceptable when you use them could be dredged up years in the future to show you are a horrible person.
Do you ever try googling something then realize that all 100,000,000 articles which pop up are saying the exact same thing? Do you ever try to search for the other side of the coin and come up empty handed? Recently, I was googling to find out who killed Ashli Babbitt, for example, and all I could find were articles on what a bad person she was. She had road rage. She believed in conspiracies. It was her own damn fault some creepy guy wearing a suit & black gloves suddenly stepped out from around the corner to shoot her dead. Never mind that she was just doing what people have been doing all year. Never mind that she was unarmed & he gave her no warning, no chance to retreat. Never mind that there were three cops standing behind her, not trying to restrain her nor seeming particularly disturbed by her presence. That bitch deserved what she got. And if you don’t agree you are a nazi.
And what is a nazi? A skinhead? A German nationalist from the 1940s who wants to take over the world and eliminate Jews? No one knows. It is a word. Castro’s supporters called their enemies ‘worms.’ Speech has officially divorced physical reality. There are no truths or lies anymore, because most things have no specific meaning to begin with. You are a nazi! You are a white supremacist! You don’t believe in Science!!! You don’t believe in Climate Change!!! You don’t believe gender is assigned at birth!!! You don’t believe Experts!!! When you break them things down, none of these claims really have a concrete meaning, making it impossible to defend oneself against them. And also impossible to be sincere in claiming them.
And then we have the weird magic of believing words change reality. Pronouns change a person’s gender. Calling Ashli Babbitt a terrorist overrides the fact that she was entering unarmed into a building full of trained soldiers. Saying Trump was calling for violence overrides the fact that his final tweets (the ones which got him banned) were calling for peace & telling protesters to go home. Saying the word science makes something science. Science is no longer the study of the material world. It is a word on a rainbow flag, tattooed on the hearts of Believers. Call a person a white supremacist and they are one. In fact the only way to NOT be a white supremacist is to believe that we live in a white supremacy and attack others for their role in this.
Basically, nothing makes sense anymore. It is both rage-filled and nonsensical like a dark Alice in Wonderland, my least favorite book of all time. I have a soft gelatinous head and I hate it when people lie. It makes me feel all pretzeled up.
Another thing tying me in knots is that I still have an emotional attachment to people on the left. I grew up in a republican house & always idealized democrats as tender-hearted unicorn people. Now I see them scapegoating conservatives- as though to lay down justifications for future violence against them. (He was a nazi! She was a white supremacist!). And I don’t know how to process this. These are people I have LIKED. In some cases, a LOT. And now they are casting me and others I care for in a subhuman light, reality be damned. I want to believe it is a spell they are under and soon they will wake up. I just wish I could understand it and make some sense of it in my mind. I thought they used to be nice normal people. What happened? When and how did they decide they are surrounded by nazis and white supremacists whom they must defeat? If I could just understand and make some sense of my reality I would feel a lot better. Then I would know if I need to cut them out of my heart for good or just wait for the spell to break.
(Warning- this post involves astrology, but should be understandable- I think- to someone with no interest in the subject. When I reference ‘Pisces’ I am not referring to Pisces People- i.e. those born when the Sun was in Pisces- but rather to the sign itself, which is currently in control of the group mind.*)
Could anything be more annoyingly Piscean than the phrase “Stay at home, save lives.”?
On the one hand, Pisces has a Christ complex. It wants to be seen as compassionate, saintly, hovering above the unevolved hordes. On the other hand, Pisces hates to actually get up off the couch, unless there is a 25 dollar smoothie made of endangered berries to drink.
And now, with Neptune in Pisces we have discovered a way to be passive, pathetic, yet heroic and grandiose at the same time! Lack of engagement has become a virtue. Just by doing nothing, or perhaps wearing a lace veil over your face while you shop, you too can be a saint. People who want to venture out into the world and engage, or even take an active role in questioning pumped out narratives are now the bad ones. Murderers versus the life savers who sit at home watching tv.
So small businesess fail. Oh well, that is a small price to pay for saving lives. So 130 million additional people descend into starvation this year. A small price as well. People with other diseases can no longer get the health care they need. Well, who cares- is life about health? People lose jobs, but really, is life about working? People can’t buy food- does this matter, when the forest is full of mushrooms & the seas full of fish? People cannot afford heat- but isn’t it selfish to consider body temperature when lives are at stake?
Really, when dealing with Pisces, it makes no difference what is said. You may as well just say Toodle Oodles & attach a bunch of flower emojis. Pisces is directly opposite Virgo- the sign of facts. In the Pisces realm, facts do not exist. To call Pisces a liar would be an understatement. It simply has no relationship to truth. It will say anything. If you attempt to engage with the Piscean forces in a rational way, you begin to feel you are losing your mind. It swirls, mutates and contradicts itself without a hint of remorse. What is the primary motive of this sign? I’m not sure yet. Sometimes it seems as though it is motivated to feel good about itself and so rearranges objective reality to achieve that goal. There can also be a bit of a death wish with Pisces, since reality is the exact thing it is trying to escape from.
Pisces is also notable for a complete lack of responsibility. (Once again, responsibility falls under the realm of Virgo- Pisces’ opposite.) People talk about how badly 2020 sucked as though we are helpless potatoes on whom a bad year was unleashed. Granted, 2020 was incredibly harsh from an astrology perspective, but to a large extent it sucked because we made dumb choices. We didn’t speak up for what we thought was right or have the balls to act on it. We hedged and hawed, trying to find a middle ground between appeasement and integrity. Collectively passivity. Collective patheticism. Now we can’t just sit on our hands now waiting to see how 2021 will turn out- we must take active responsibility in shaping it. Cry in your bubble bath at night if you must, but when dealing with the social world, don’t be an effiminate defeatist sitting on your hands! We are the ones who shape society and we can’t speak of it as though it exists outside our personal choices.
Of course, Pisces does has a good side (yawn). Its drive to escape reality and become something more than mundane pushes it into the realms of imagination, spirituality and other worlds, where it can break new ground. Its desire to isolate provides space for healing emotional wounds. Still, Pisces is forever tripping on acid and should never EVER be allowed to take the wheel where practical things are concerned, especially in matters involving economy and health (once again ruled by Virgo).
The ultimate irony is that Pisces needs the mundane practicality of Virgo, however much it rebels against it. Were Pisces to achieve its goal of gumming up the gears of society until the whole thing came to a halt, there would be no floating into the hazy, half-baked world of Pisces’ dreams. Instead, things would get real fast. No more sofas. No more smoothies. No more Compassion bumper stickers. I don’t think soft and sluggish Pisces will be happy in the world he is creating at all.
* Neptune represents the group mind and whichever sign Neptune currently resides in determines the ideals of the collective. Neptune entered blobular Pisces in 2012 and will remain there until 2024.
And one more thing… My official opinion on how to end this madness…
As Pisces relentlessly attacks Virgo, seeking to undermine everything practical & grounded, the temptation is to fight back from a Virgoic position. But it is questionable if you can truly combat irrationality with rationality. It almost seems to create a stand off in which the rational party becomes exhausted dropping endless amounts of facts & logic into a swirling pit of absurdity.
My current view is that the antidote to the excesses of every sign lie in the sign that follows.** Hence, Aries- the combative fireball who speaks with his fists, refuses to be placed on the sidelines, and sees risk as the very heart of life- may be the only one who can save us and break the Virgo-Pisces standoff.
It is only a few years (2024) until Neptune moves into Aries anyway and brave, warlike qualities will be celebrated far and wide. So why not get a jump start on the trend and become a manly warrior now while all your friends are still clutching their infected blankets? If we can pick up these active virtues sooner rather than later, perhaps we can prevent the worst from happening.
More on Neptune in Pisces.
Tips on preparing for Neptune entering Aries.
** One way to understand the zodiac is to see each sign as a natural reaction to the sign that came before.
Under Libra, superficiality starts to get so out of hand that people can’t bear it. So they decide to form real connections and Scorpio is born. But these real connections start to get so intense and all encompassing that people can no longer breath. Finally one of them moves to another country. Now Sagittarius has been born. And so on and so forth.
I pretty much need help because I have developed a bad social media addiction. I would feel humiliated to reveal the full extent of it. I don’t know how it crept up on me exactly, perhaps total isolation in a freezing cold house (no heat) made a warm bubbly place full of strangers feel too cozy to pass up.
Part of what makes it addicting could be the inability to ever quite get what I am looking for… but what am I looking for? I don’t know. I feel confused. Yesterday I tried flirting with a couple of the fake widowers who are all over facebook trying to scam women for money. One was Nigerian and one was Arabic, I think. (Both pretended to be American.) They were condescending assholes. I assumed if you were trying to take someone’s money you would have to sweet talk them a little. Instead they called me names like “Big Fat Liar” and insisted I was “dead wrong” about the meaning of the color red. (Howard was sure it meant love, while I was certain it meant the blood of the martyrs.) They were dominating though. I kind of liked that. And I can’t remember the last time a person asked me about my favorite color was or what I liked to do for fun. So that was nice.
Maybe I will start talking to these scammers more until I understand how their minds work. Then I could maximize the amount of attention I get before revealing that I have no money. (They dump you at that point.) When I told Howard I had no money he said I must be lying. After all ‘You are an artist.’ I had to convince him that singing a song does not magically cause money to appear.
I wonder if I would like scamming people for money? Criminals seem to use more of their brains than the insects who just get caught in their webs. Maybe I want to be the web spinner for once. Maybe it would feel amazing.
At any rate, I may try writing more on this website to see if it can help me break my addiction. But I feel I will be annoying people if I write too much here. At least on social media anything you say is ancient history within a few hours. But I worry it is rewiring my brain. My attention span seems to be getting shorter and shorter and I have started to think in soundbites. Plus, it brings out the part of my personality that plays too much to the crowd until eventually I have no idea what I am saying or why. I don’t know if I am speaking my own thoughts or just the thoughts that someone somewhere is suppressing.
The good part, though, is that it is more out of control while my website is entirely under my control. I don’t really like being in control. I guess that is ultimately what I am seeking there. I want someone else to take me to a place that is new to me. But that never happens. There are many people there, but generally they all say the same things. It is impersonal. No money changes hands. I liked it when Howard said “Music softens the spirit.” That was at least something I had never heard before. And I appreciated it that he was trying to rob me, in a sense. At least he was trying to do something.
Years ago I fell into a tunnel made of white
Held my arms against me & they bound them to me tight.
Follow me down. Follow me down.
Was it night or was it day, the lanterns seemed the same
Dimming for a moment and then bursting into flame.
Follow me down. Follow me down.
Did I fight? Did I bow?
I’ve been afraid for so long now
No way to still remember what I thought I’d found.
Falling forward on my knees
To think of all those precious things
To wait for all the time again to come around.
Follow me down.
Did the walls reach out to touch me with their silky hands?
Colder than the snow yet dry and sparkling like the sand.
Follow me down. Follow me down.
Do you think he cared but was possessed by something black?
Wandered so far in the night he couldn’t wander back?
Follow me down. Follow me down.
Did I cower? Was I proud?
I’ve felt alone for so long now
No way to see the way that things would come around.
Falling forward, rise again
To tangle with so many men
To wait for all the softer things to come around.
Follow me down.
If I wander further will I find the stairwell down
Leading to that chamber where the trees grow underground?
Follow me down. Follow me down.
Climbing up, fall again
I’ve tangled with too many men
Too late to see the way for things to start again.
Maybe still I did succeed
I stood there proudly on my knees
Nobody knew my hands were full of soft diamond things.
Follow me down.
And great…… it seems like the sounds gets weird at the higher parts but I still have zero idea how microphones & recording devices work. They are so complicated. Of course I should try to figure out how they work, but it seems so complex that there is really no hope of ever making progress in that realm. And so boring I could possibly die. I must be resigned to my fate and continue on. Just realize it sounds better in person & make adjustments in your imagination. Thanks!